3 Action Steps Now To Stop The Next Round Of Arguments

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There you go again. You and your partner fell into that awful pattern of yelling, negativity and even threats of leaving the relationship. You both are miserable but can’t quite figure out how to fix this problem. This has been going on for far too long and you are both sick of it, yet perplexed on how to solve this frustrating and endless cycle.

Even though things may have calmed down, you need an action plan now to help prevent the next round of arguments. Your next fight just may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and ends your relationship for good.

As a couple’s counselor for over 27 years, I can say with absolute conviction that this action plan works. I guarantee that if, starting today, you follow this plan to the tee, you will stop this relationship-killing pattern and completely turn things around. Is it an easy plan of action? No. Is it worth it? A resounding yes! But then, our most challenging patterns turn out to be our greatest lessons in life, right?

Take These 3 Action Steps To Prevent The Next Round Of Arguments:

1. Take full responsibility for your part in the argument.

It’s time to get humble, authentic and honest. Leave your victim-type thoughts and words out of this conversation. Victim consciousness includes blaming, judgments, criticisms, complaints and accusations. This step requires you to own up to your part, NOT THEIR PART, only yours. Make a list of your behaviors and words during the argument that you are not proud of. This takes guts but you can do it, especially if you want to stop this crazy pattern that you and your partner are in. Use your list to create your ‘I’m taking responsibility’ statements.

Here’s an example of what you could say to your partner: “Now that things are calm between us, I’d like to take responsibility for my part in our argument. I was blaming you for ___(fill in the blank)___ and that wasn’t helpful or kind. I am sorry for saying what I said. I have decided that I need to work on my habit of blaming. Please forgive me. I don’t want this to ever happen again, so I’m making a commitment to work on changing it.” Extra kudos points if you tell your partner what you are committed to do to make sure you will not do this again: start therapy, take an online course, do a workshop, read a self-help book, take up meditation, etc.

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.
2. Commit to the 90-10% Rule.

Spend 90% of your time and focus looking at your behaviors and emotions versus your partners. Instead of looking at what they need to change, you make a commitment to changing you. Spend 10% of your time focused on the relationship and on your partner. 90% you – 10% your partner. The interesting thing is, the more time you spend loving and honoring you, the more able you are to authentically love your partner. In other words, your partner benefits tremendously when you are taking care of yourself.

By the way, this 90-10% rule also works great in other areas of your life. For example, if you are an entrepreneur, spend 90% of the time working on you and 10% of the time working on your business. The 90-10% is a secret to success and happiness. 

3. Make a daily and forever practice of gratitude.

This one tip has saved marriages on the brink of divorce, so this is yet another powerful part of the action plan. What you focus on is what you experience. So please stop focusing on what you don’t like or want anymore. Be in the practice of telling your partner at least 3 things about them that you are grateful for – every single day. Tell them what you admire, what you love about them and what they do that makes you feel happy and special. That way, you’ll get more of what you love about them and less of what you don’t.

Same goes with you. Everyday, tell yourself at least 3 things of what you love and admire about yourself. In other words, compliment yourself – a lot!

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.

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