All posts by Tamara

My Exciting News!

Great Things Coming!

Hello all you wonderful readers! You may have noticed I have been absent for a while in the blogging world. It has been for all very good reasons! In the coming weeks, I am planning to shake up my entire site so I can give you, my most loyal friends, more ways to encourage and inspire you to take control of your life and truly love yourselves. So stay tuned to see what I have planned. I promise you, you’ll love the changes!

and now some exciting news…

Cover and Article in Eydis Magazine!

I am so thrilled to be interviewed and featured on the cover of Eydis Magazine! I decided to share my story of how I overcame my childhood history of sexual abuse and learned to love myself.  I hope my story inspires readers to find their own turning point to find self-love.

I urge you to read it and share it below!

“Talk to Tamara” Relationship Advice Column in Eydis Magazine!

I was also approached to write a monthly relationship  advice column in Eydis Magazine where I will be answering readers’ questions on love and relationships. This is perfectly in line with my desire to help others find everlasting love!

Read my very first answer to one reader’s question: “Should I stay, or do i go?”

Do you have questions on love you would like answered? Email me your burning questions on love, dating and relationships at tamaragreen4u@gmail.com and I will be sure to address them in future issues! 

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples – Part 3: 7 Powerful Tips on How To Get Some Of That Intimacy!

Happy New Year!! May 2016 be a year filled with outrageously delicious love and happiness! Keep reading and improve your chances for delicious love and happiness by following my powerful tips on increasing relationship intimacy.

This is the third in a 3-part series titled, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples. In last week’s blog, I explained the 4 main culprits for erosion of intimacy: 1) Unintentionally hurting each other, 2) Over reactivity or drama, 3) Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome, and 4) Taking each other for granted. Today, I will share powerful tips on how to get some juicy emotional and trusting intimacy flowing in your relationship, which are key to a long-lasting loving partnership.

7 Powerful Tips on How To Get Some Of That Intimacy!

  1. Imagine Intimacy Imagination is powerful because beneath the images of the mind, you can tap into the realm of possibility. Like a goal or a dream, envision what you want with your partner. Then, be grateful NOW for what you’ve envisioned, before it actualizes. Gratitude is key because it’s the gateway to welcoming it into your life.
  1. Be Trusting and Trustworthy Author, John Gottman, has spent much of his career researching and writing about the behaviors of couples. He reports that trust is built in a culmination of lots of little moments between 2 people. An example of this would be a husband saying to his wife, “Sweetie, I see that you are having a tough time right now. What do you need? How can I help you?” Or, a wife telling her husband, “Thank you for fixing the wobbly door knob. It’s things like this that make my day run a little easier.” Another interesting trust-builder is asking for help. These seemingly small gestures are great for building a trusting relationship.
  1. Be vulnerable, honest and authentic – If you’re struggling, say so. It’s an amazing opportunity for intimacy with your partner. Here’s what vulnerability, honesty and authenticity sounds like, “Honey, I’m really upset about something and I need a sounding board. Can you help me by listening to my problem and let me know if I’m over reacting?” By letting your partner into your world, he or she feels included and helpful while you feel taken care of. All of this fosters wonderful intimacy.
  1. Pause, feel and breathe – This tip is especially for those couples that tend to have drama in their relationship. Whenever you feel stressed and ready to spew your reactive comments at your partner, do these 3 things instead: 1) Pause- stop what you are doing/saying; 2) Notice how you feel- acknowledge to yourself how you feel. Labeling your feeling is the 1st step to calming down; and 3) Take 10 deep breaths– getting oxygen in your system always begins the calming process. In Part 1 of this series, you learned about the over-reactive Amygdala in your brain. Pausing, feeling and breathing is giving your frontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, a chance to be in charge instead of your ‘fight-or-flight Amygdala’.
  1. Blame-free zone – Have a place in your home where you and your partner agree is the “Blame-Free Zone”. This is a safe room (or part of a room or area) where absolutely no judgments, criticisms, verbal attacks are allowed. This is your place to have “pauses”, fun, and relaxation. This zone is the area where you and your partner can re-group, giving you the opportunity to change your patterns of drama and repetitive arguments.
  1. Have a practice of communication. Next time you have a meal together, turn off your cell phones and just talk. Take turns asking questions and take turns listening. True communication is more about listening than offering suggestions and solutions and sounds something like this:

“I had a stressful day at work today.”

“Why, what happened?”

“There was a last-minute change that I had to make in my presentation.”

“Wow! How’d you handle that?”

“I was able to pull it off, but I had to reschedule my lunch plans with a prospective client to make it happen.”

“But you did it. That’s fantastic!”

In this conversation, you can see that the communication included active listening and support, which is key for intimacy.

  1. Get professional help – Sometimes, couples need extra help to get to an improved state of intimacy. The following are list of ways you can save your relationship:

· See a marriage counselor or relationship coach

· Go to a personal growth course together.

· Attend a meditation retreat together.

Any of these suggestions can be the very thing that turns your relationship around for the better.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire. – Tamara Green, LCSW

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 2- The 4 Culprits To Eroding intimacy

In last week’s blog, I explained the different types of intimacy: Intellectual, Energetic or experiential, Emotional, and Sexual. Today, I will share the top 4 culprits of intimacy erosion in relationships:

4 Main Culprits To Eroding Relationship Intimacy

1. Unintentionally hurting each other

Unless you or your partner has tendencies of passive aggressive or sociopathic behaviors, you really don’t intend to hurt one another. In fact, you probably have the same relationship goals of happiness, peace and joy. Then why do couples hurt each other? The answer is that one or both of you are in fear or pain. In fact, the amount of unresolved fear or pain that you feel is the amount of pain that you inflict or project onto one another. For example, I worked with a client who had a childhood history of sexual molestation. It left her feeling trapped and overwhelmed for years. She unintentionally carried these fears into her adult romantic relationships. It wasn’t unusual for her to suddenly announce, without too much provocation from her partner, that the relationship was over, leaving the poor guy confused and left wondering, “What the heck just happened?!” When her fears were triggered, this ‘coping mechanism’ of fleeing the relationship felt mighty powerful. However, with professional help and a ton of inner work, she finally resolved her fears of being trapped and overwhelmed and now has a thriving and loving marriage.

2. Over-reactivity or drama

When triggered, do you and/or your partner fight or flee, or both?

Let me explain why the fight or flight phenomena exists. You have more than one almond-shaped area of your brain called the Amygdala. Its job is to sense, prepare and deal with perceived danger via fight or flight. The Amygdala stores memories of trauma and upset from your past. Therefore, 99.9% of the time, the pattern that’s being set off has nothing to do with what’s actually happening between you and your partner in the present moment. As soon as “danger” is perceived, your Amygdala takes over your sensible frontal cortex section of your brain.

In romantic relationships, it usually doesn’t take much for the Amygdala to become triggered. Before your rational mind has a chance to engage, the Amygdala has already done its quick and dirty work (slammed doors, screamed obscenities, given threats to leave and even verbal and physical abuse). And if that’s not enough, the Amygdala gets addicted to the flood of emotional chemicals that course through your body. So, each time you have to get angrier, scream louder or become more abusive to get that rush of chemical soup throughout your system.

In the end, the only real danger is that of losing your wonderful relationship!

3.  Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome

 Couples who don’t authentically communicate regularly often experience this particular kind of intimacy erosion. They avoid difficult topics and steer clear of disturbing the apple cart. It’s as if there’s a white elephant in the middle of the living room, but no one’s talking about it because it’ll upset the relationship status quo. For example, I have worked with a number of clients who try to avoid the topic of their partner’s addiction problem. They fear that if they bring it up, it’ll either shatter their loved one or their relationship. It takes courage to talk about difficult subjects, but in the end, it’s the only chance for a happy partnership. My job with these clients is to support them through their fears of speaking up and to stop tiptoeing around the issue. No one ever moved an elephant by walking around it. No, you have to walk right up to it and confront it to get it to move.

4. Taking each other for granted

 How many times have I seen relationships fail because they take each other for granted. Appreciating the little things that your partner does is vitally important for you to recognize and acknowledge, preferably everyday. Not doing so is a relationship killer. Couples who have a practice of gratitude never take each other for granted.

Homework for the week:

For the next 7 days, be in the practice of sitting with your fears and pain. Take 10 deep breaths whenever you feel triggered in any way. Complement yourself for sitting with your feelings because this is not easy to do.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 3- How Do I Get Some Of That Intimacy?

 Need relationship advice right away, even before the holidays are over? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your heartbreak. By clicking here you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire. – Tamara Green, LCSW

 

Cutting The Strings And Starting Over: How An Artist’s Masterpiece Reveals The Universal Laws

This blog is in honor of 2 amazing women – Abby Raphel, founder of The Roundtable, and Jana Flynn, a remarkable artist.

a and jBack in October, I was fortunate to be asked by Abby to speak and join in at her Roundtable event. Sitting next to me was a stunning string sculpture and the artist who created it, Jana. (See photo: Jana is on the left and Abby is on the right). So moved by her talent and her inspiring words, I asked Jana to write a description of her sculptures and the creative process she experiences. Here is Jana’s ‘artist statement’:

“My sculptures are geometrical structures created from methodical counting.  I see these pieces as alters, weaving thread on varying circular planes to create a layered mandala. They are built upon the concept of sacred geometry, and the idea that some kind of ‘perfection’ can be found within mathematical patterns.” (She other photos)

 “These pieces involve tremendous labor, detail, and time. Building the work requires a focused, meditative state, otherwise an error, a missed thread, will throw off the whole pattern and structure. Creating the sculptures is a kind of private performance, although the “performance”, or process, is in service of connecting with a state of being, rather than directly for an audience. The resulting work is a residue, or record, of an intimate meditation that I hope will continue to hold the quiet intention of its building.”

Isn’t it interesting that Jana’s description actually reflect what life is really all about – patterns, labor, focus, creating and a state of being? The Universal Laws are what life is all about, too. I am a devotee of these Laws and live by them with as much awareness as I am able. Let’s take some of Jana’s words and match them to their corresponding Universal Laws. I do this as a way of showing how we integrate these powerful Laws into our lives all the time, without necessarily realizing it. (Note: The definitions of these Laws are from my upcoming book, launching in 2016):

The Corresponding Universal Laws

1) “Perfection [found within] patterns” corresponds to the…

Law of Rhythm: Life is a series of seasons, cycles and patterns. What goes up must come down and vice versa. During the “negative” part of a cycle, a Master knows how to rise above it by focusing on the benefits of what’s to come.

 At one point, one of the Roundtable participants asked Jana, “What do you do when you’ve made a mistake with the placement of your string?” She answered, “I cut the strings and start over.” She said this in a matter-of-fact kind of way, which gave me the impression that mistakes are not the end of the world, but rather part of the artistic process. This way-of-being is in complete alignment with the Law of Rhythm.

2) “These pieces involve tremendous labor, detail, and time” corresponds to the…

Law of Gender: Every idea or seed has a gestation or incubation period. Have total faith that your goals will actualize in physical form when the time is right.

 Jana had a goal of creating this piece of art to the Roundtable community for that October evening. It took time and work and what materialized is, well, awe-inspiring.

3)Focused, meditative state” and “creating” corresponds to the …

Law of Perpetual Transmutation: Energy constantly moves into physical form. Where your mind goes, energy goes. The images you hold in your mind often materialize in your life. Energy follows thought and intention.

Jana’s visions of her piece certainly moved it into physical form.

4) ‘Private performance’ corresponds to the…

Law of Action: What materializes in your physical world is a result of your actions. If your actions and behaviors stem from fear, what materialized may disappoint you. If your actions and behaviors stem from love, what materializes may astound you.

Seems to me that the “result of Jana’s actions” is love.

5) “State of being” corresponds to the…

Law of Cause and Effect: Nothing happens by chance or outside Universal Laws. Your every action, including thought, has a consequence. This is also referred to as the Law of the Circle. Energy is magnetized and used and always returns to it’s original sender. For example, if one receives happy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a constructive way. If one receives unhappy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a destructive way. You reap what you sow.

The energy that Jana puts into her art not only has beneficial effects on her but on every heart and soul that is lucky enough to experience her creations.

Thank you!

Abby, I feel blessed to have been asked to speak at your wonderful Roundtable event. Your talent as a facilitator of deep and meaningful conversation is just one of your true gifts. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it.

Jana, you have inspired me through your art. Thank you for allowing me to share your talents to my readers.

Abby Raphel is a facilitator of conversations that lead to discovering purpose and taking action. She is the founder of The Redwoods Initiative, an education company focused on personal growth, business acumen and communication. She has engaged with the country’s top enterprising families, thousands of youth and is an emerging leader in the field of personal development. She promotes her creative process through Blank Canvas, The Bold Bag Mindset, Purpose Salons, Profiles of Purpose, The Unstoppable You Workshop and The Roundtable. Abby has a Master’s from NYU’s Gallatin – focusing on the intersection of education, psychology and curriculum development. She is from rural Florida and lives in NYC as an adoring dog-mom to her yellow lab, Alfredo.

The Roundtable: A dynamic group of 24 women in business who connect and provide feedback in a safe community with a goal of personal and professional development.

Jana Flynn’s art bio:

Born in San Francisco in 1980, Jana studied Painting, Drawing and Ceramics at San Francisco State University where she earned her BFA in 2003. In 2009 Jana received her MFA from Parsons The New School where she was awarded a Graduate Dean’s Scholarship. She has exhibited in galleries nationally, and her work has been presented at an number of international art fairs including Pulse NY and Aqua Miami. Jana’s work has been reviewed in the San Francisco Chronicle, Ethsix Magazine, and Dislocate Magazine. Additionally, she has participated in a number of artist residencies including a fellowship at the Jentel Artist Residency Program in Wyoming, and a year-long residency at the San Francisco based non-profit, Red Ink studios.

Jana’s graphic design website: http://www.jlfstudio.com/

 

 

 

Getting On Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ With The Art Of Sexy Holiday Flirting


The Holidays are a perfect time for sexy flirting. Whether single or partnered, you can have fun getting on Santa’s ‘naughty’ list by performing the very effective art of sexy flirting.

Men love flirty gestures. They feel admired and get the validation they need to approach you. Don’t think that flirting is just for the singles, though. It adds so much excitement and pleasure for partners, as well. It’s easy for couples to get into a rut and forget the fun and spicy side of their relationship, especially when trying to raise a family and hold down challenging careers. Flirting, smiling, being daring and trying something new releases some wonderful ‘happy hormones’ and can have some very positive and amazing results, so don’t hold back.

Flirting, however, takes guts and confidence. It means you have to be light-hearted and open to fun and new experiences. Therefore, you may get nervous because you are stepping out of your routine and comfort zone. That’s OK, just take a few deep breaths and do it anyway. Trust me, your efforts will be well worth it.

For a quick and easy boost to your confidence, especially if you are painfully shy, check out my very active and fun guided meditation called Sexy Irresistible YOU, which is currently 50% off during our holiday special. Doing so will activate the powerful and magnificent sexy YOU!

Here are some hot flirting tips to ramp up your sex appeal – Ooh La La!!

Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Singles:
  • At a gathering, smile at a guy that’s caught your eye from across the room, look away then smile at him again. He’ll keep his eyes glued onto you, for sure! Keep it up until he walks over to you.
  • Men are visual and love the adventure of surprise, so write a question on a cocktail napkin and slide it across the table or bar right to him. Make sure you’re smiling while doing this. Extra brownie points for making the gutsy move of winking, as well. What you write could be as simple as, “Nice shirt you’re wearing!”
  • This one definitely takes guts, but it’s very effective. Let your admiration show by using your eyes to take-in every inch of that hunk you’d like to meet from across the room. Start with their feet moving up very slowly and deliberately until you reach their eyes, at which point you smile, nod your head in approval, and give him a ‘thumbs up.’ Let him know that you like what you see. Then, count the seconds it takes for him to introduce himself to you.
  • Can’t go quite that bold, yet? Try this one then. Wherever you’re sitting, cross your legs and make sure the foot of your leg on top is pointed in the direction of that man you’re interested in meeting. Bob your foot up and down while looking in his direction. Let him know that you are “pointing” at him.
  • Spice things up and wear red. There are many shades of red, so pick one that’s perfect for your skin tone. Again, men are visual. Studies show that men find women who wear red as very attractive. Also, show a little skin with a scooped or ‘V’ neckline. Wear a dress and show your legs. Come on! It’s the Holidays, so wear something festive and slightly revealing! Don’t go too far, though. Stay away from the slutty look, unless you’re only interested in a one-night hookup.
Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Couples:
  • During holiday parties, show up separately and pretend you don’t know each other. Then, pick each other up. Have fun using pick-up lines like, “Have we met before?” or “What’s your sign?”
  • Imagine your partner as your favorite dessert. While licking your lips, say to him something like, “Later, I’m going to devour you like my favorite Tiramisu!” Scrumptious!
  • At a family gathering or office party, get the juices flowing by telling your partner that you bought him a “surprise” or “naughty” gift that has to be opened in private…”later”. Wink, wink 😉
  • Tell your handsome hunk how delicious he looks, how sexy he is and how he turns you on. More winking!
  • Be alluring by playing with your hair or jewelry while listening intently to your guy.
  • Get an App for couples. Go ahead and Google “Apps for lovers” and see what’s out there for sexy and fun messaging with your special someone.
  • Ask questions you don’t normally ask, such as, “What’s your wildest fantasy? I’d like to help you fulfill it.”
  • Get ‘in the mood’ by giving a foot rub to your partner. This lowers the energy out of that stinkin’ thinkin’ head (the upper one). At the same time, tell him how much he turns you on or what you plan to do to him after the foot rub. Anticipation is a great way to get the energy flowing in the ‘right’ places.

This holiday, be sugar and spice and everything nice. Practice the art of sexy flirting to make sure you make Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ and have fun while doing it!!

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving from Me to You!

In America, we love to say “thank you” on our most wonderful holiday – Thanksgiving. However, I want to seize this opportunity to express my gratitude to all of my readers from all every corner of the globe. You mean the world to me. I appreciate your integrity, interests and passions in whatever you do. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving!

– Tamara and her Loving Relationship Team

Please enjoy the grateful, fun and inspiring words of blogger, Marta Edmisten.

I am thankful for all the beauty that I can now find-almost every day.

I am thankful for the smiles of strangers and the gift of witnessing the wisdom of my dog. (I seriously doubt I’ll ever be able to consistently live in the moment as he does, or be so unabashedly all about love… I’m not ruling it out though.)

I am thankful that I still walk this earth. It is a luxury.

I am thankful for all the people who have loved and supported me – family, friends and people I’ve never met, especially those who never gave up on me even when I had.

I am thankful for the people who have given me the privilege of loving and supporting them.

I am thankful for everyone who has forgiven me when I screwed up royally.

I am thankful all the people (famous and unknown) who have fought tirelessly for the rights and dignities of others, animals and our planet.

I am thankful for every, book, movie, piece of art that brings me joy – better yet, makes me think.

I’m plain old thankful!

Soon, I hope, I’ll be thankful for:

  • A basic understanding of my computer and punctuation. 🙂
  • Being able to prepare food that is more often tasty than not.
  • Not running out of milk for my coffee in the morning, OR learning to enjoy my coffee straight up. (Marta-mornings are NOT pretty without coffee!)
  • Being thankful every day.

With Love and Gratitude,

Marta

 

The energy of gratitude is the gateway to positive change. – Tamara Green, Lovingly Relationship Expert

This photo shows Marta’s tattoo on her arm. Don’t you love it?

change tattoo

Marta lives in Brooklyn, NY with her dog BullyBean.marta-edmisten

To Show My Thanks, Get 50% Off All of My Products!

To show my thanks and appreciation for you,  you can get all of my products for 50% off from now until January 2016! Enjoy!

 Click here to SHOP NOW.

The Power Of Visualization: Attracting The Relationship Of Your Dreams

Have you ever fantasized about being with the partner of your dreams? If so, then you have already tapped into the tool that can help you actualize this in real life. Visualization, the kind that involves imagining success in love, has long been employed by professional athletes to create amazing results. Research is showing that many professions are already using the tools of visualization quite effectively – surgeons use it to possess laser focus; musicians use it to improve their performance; and business executives use it to ace a presentation. Many use it to stay on their diets to lose weight. You too, you can use visualization to call in your beloved and to experience the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

How Visualization Works

Your brain believes what you imagine. Brain science reveals that you experience real-world and imaginary actions in similar ways. For example, whether you are acing an event or only picturing it, you activate many of the same neural networks and pathways of nerve cells that link your body to the brain impulses that control it. What’s on your mind screen stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, which activates an increase in heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure. Just by envisioning a movement, such as holding hands with your partner-to-be, elicits nervous-system responses of that same action.

Tweet: As you visualize, so it becomes. – Tamara Green, LCSW

Go ahead and imagine yourself holding the hand of your beloved – as if it’s happening right now. Then, get even more detailed in your visualization. As if you are watching a scene or interaction of your beloved in your own movie – where you are the star. Let all your senses come alive. What are you feeling, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching in this beautiful scene? Are you walking hand-in-hand on a gorgeous beach while on vacation together? Are you in a kitchen making dinner and laughing hysterically? Maybe it’s a quiet scene where both of you are cuddled up on the couch reading books?

Allow yourself to really surrender into this visualization, sensing it and feeling it all. It feels good, right? To make this extra powerful, visualize this everyday for at least 2 minutes. Add in more details each time and increase your imagination play to 5 minutes per day. Smile and bask in the feelings of joy and peace, and of feeling so deeply loved and adored by your partner.

The more you envision, the more you activate your emotions to match the scene on your mind screen. The more detailed you get in your visualization with your beloved, the more familiar you become to achieving it because you are creating new neuro pathways in your brain. Plus, your nervous system reaps the benefits: increase in calm and confidence and decrease in heart rate and stress hormones. So, what are you waiting for? Give visualization a try!

To make it super easy for you, Tamara packaged together her 10 most popular meditations into one album. Listed below are the powerful and transformative meditations in this album that’ll help you visualize the loving relationship that you deserve:

Loving Meditation Experience 10 Meditation Bundle

  • Activate Your Happiness
  • Get What You Desire
  • Forgive Yourself
  • Healing To Wholeness
  • Loving You
  • Receive The Love You Deserve
  • Set Your Heart Free
  • Sexy Irresistible You
  • Stress Relief NOW
  • Blissful Sleep

Holiday Sale Starts Now!

The Holiday Season is approaching, so give this gift of love to yourself or to a friend or family member. From now until January 1, 2016, all of Tamara’s products are 50% off. Enjoy!

What You Didn’t Know About Meditation Will Calm You Down Now

I am busting the myth that all meditations are quiet and serene. Actually, some can be quite active, powerful and releasing. Before jumping in and getting physical, first, tune into what’s upsetting you.

Part 1 – What’s Bothering You?

Is something upsetting you? Then, the meditation below will help calm you right down. Go ahead and find out what that is. Does it have to do with a comment someone made or how you are harshly judging yourself? Maybe it’s about your relationship or lack thereof? Good, you are getting to what’s bothering you.

Now feel it… feel your emotions completely and notice where it lands in your body. When you tune into your body, you can locate it right away. I know you don’t like feeling this, and I promise that you’re going to release it soon during the meditation portion of this blog, but for now, just feel it. Be with it. Don’t judge it as “bad”, but allow yourself to feel this feeling entirely. Good for you, because this is not easy.

Score this feeling. What number (from 1 through 10) are you giving this emotion and physical sensation? Example: If you are feeling something between humiliated and neutral, then give yourself a score of 3, and so on.

1 – Worst ever (Humiliated, Despair and Anxious)

5 – Satisfied (Neutral)

10 – Best ever (Peace, Love and Joy)

Make a mental note of this score and begin the active meditation.

Note: This meditation is even more effective if you are listening to rhythmic music or drumming. To listen to an audio of this meditation with Tamara’s voice and powerful music, you’ll want to check out 21 Days to Self-Love Meditation Experience. The meditation written out below is Day 10 of this program. For the next 48 hours only, this entire transformative meditation program is 50% off!

 Calm Your Upset Now Meditation:

Part 2 – Loosening Up

Take off your shoes (flat shoes are OK but no shoes are best). Stand up, feet shoulder’s distance apart and let your knees go slack. Begin to gently bounce up and down. You can lift your heels off the floor every time you bounce up if you want, or, just keep your heels on the ground—either way is fine.

For a total of at least 3 minutes, bounce up and down, up and down, up and down… get into a good tempo. This gentle bouncing is rhythmic. Whenever I do this meditation, I have the vision that I am a Native Indian riding bareback on a horse that is galloping across the plains.

Let the muscles in your face go slack. Release your jaw. Lower your shoulders and let your arms and hands go, as they are dangling at your sides. Let them flop around as you bounce. Consciously let your back muscles go free. Release your stomach muscles. The main muscles working here are in your legs. Everything else needs to completely relax.

By moving your body up and down, you are creating a flow of energy from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are also releasing your muscles and causing relaxation, which occurs when your focus is on your body. When you are upset, the focus is on your thoughts, which creates stuck energy somewhere in your body. Negative energy often gets stuck in your joints, so gentle bouncing begins to open up your joints and your chakras that createa a nice flow of energy throughout your body. Tension in your muscles is the result of being upset, so keep moving up and down to release the built-up tension.

If you are feeling some physical pain, exhaling out of your mouth will help ease that pain. Don’t stop bouncing if it’s only minor pain. Where there is pain, there is stuck energy. If you hang in there, the minor pain will cease. If the pain is severe, however, then sit on the floor or in a chair and move your head from side to side instead, as if you are shaking your head “no”. This also relieves tons of stuck energy out of your stinkin’ thinkin’ head.

Keep gently bouncing up and down. Begin to smile. This immediately releases endorphins and frees your brain and body from what it’s holding onto. For one full minute more, keep bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down…

Okay, stop bouncing and shake out your hands and feet as if you are shaking off some mud. Shake your hands, shake your feet. Shake, shake, shake. Now, with your arms at your sides, turn your palms facing forward and feel the energy. You will probably feel a tingling sensation. That’s good. Notice how your entire body has responded to the gentle bouncing. Feel the currents of energy running up and down your body.

Part 3 – Explosive Release

Now that the energy is flowing much more freely throughout your body, get ready for the very active part of this meditation where you will truly release your upset. It’s going to be a total of 5 completely explosive and powerful breaths (always inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth):

  • 1st Explosive Releasing Breath Breathe in and expand your chest while holding up your arms over your head, high, high, high above your head. Now, blow out your breath while throwing down your arms and hands with total force toward the floor. Let it go! Good! Rest for a second.
  • 2nd Explosive Releasing Breath – When you breathe in, fill up your lungs completely and lift up your hands – all the way up, up, up…now let it go with all your might, release what you have been holding onto, as if you are throwing it all down into the earth. Perfect! Rest for a second.
  • 3rd Explosive Releasing Breath – Again, breathe in sharply, hands up and gather up that negative energy, gather it up, gather it up, gather it up… and throw that negativity down to the floor with all of your might. Release it now! Excellent! Rest for a second.
  • 4th Explosive Releasing Breath – Breathe in all the way, hands up, hands up… gather, gather, gather… and throw it down with 100% of your energy. Let it go!!! Wow, that’s powerful! Rest for a second.
  • 5th Explosive Releasing Breath – Last one, breathe in, in, in… hold it and gather the remains of that negative energy and now throw your hands down with all your might releasing it all.

Good, breathe in a deep calming breath… shake your hands then shake your feet – to shake off the remnants of stress and upset.

Part 4 – Feel The Calm

Sit down and completely relax. Put your hands on your lap with palms up. You did an amazing job. You released a ton of negativity. Feel proud of yourself because you did a great job using your potency to let go of some harmful stuck energy. Feel your energy freely flowing throughout your body.

Remember in the beginning, when I asked you to feel this upset in your body to see where it landed? Do you remember where you felt this stuck energy in your body? What was the score that you gave this feeling before the meditation? Give a new score to how you feel as a result of this meditation.

1 – Worst ever (Humiliated, Despair and Anxious)

5 – Satisfied (Neutral)

10 – Best ever (Peace, Love and Joy)

Did your score higher? Are you feeling better? Most of you will be feeling much better than you did just minutes ago.

Part 5 – Visualize Yourself Feeling Good

Since you freed yourself from some negative energy and opened up some space within your cells, it’s important for you to fill in this newly opened space with what you desire. So, take a moment to visualize yourself feeling cool, calm and at peace for the rest of your week. Go one step further and turn this visualization into a statement or affirmation. For example, I Am the center of my peace, or, I feel good.

Acknowledge yourself for doing a great job!

This powerful meditation is Day 10 of the 21 Days to Self-Love Meditation Experience, a transformative program that helps you reach your love goals, including loving yourself madly. For the next 48 hours, this amazing program is 50% off! Click here to invest in you and in love.

Your 3-Step Dating Strategy To Get Your Guy

Having trouble getting asked out and making it to the date one, two or three? Then follow the powerful 3-Step Dating Strategy that will get you to date number three and beyond.

The Love Coach’s List Of Do’s and Don’ts for Dating Success:

Strategies prior to your first date:

Your job is to get asked out on the first date, which requires you to be a bit mysterious and not easily available. Follow these simple rules to make him chase after you.

  • No phone calls more than 20 minutes. Let him know that you have something to do or somewhere to go (even if you don’t).
  • Always be upbeat. While on the phone, actually smile and say his name often.
  • Don’t complain about anything. The key is to be light.
  • Flirty talk (not dirty) is great!
  • No epic texting or emails prior to the first date. Use text and emails only for brief notes.
  • Do not pick the place to meet. You can give him options if he’s unfamiliar with the area, but let him choose the place and make the necessary arrangements.
Strategies on your 1st date:

Congratulations, you made it to date number one. Now your job is to get asked out for the second date. Follow these steps to make it to date number three and beyond:

  • Wear a red top or dress. Studies show that men are very attracted to this color, so pick a shade of red that looks good with your skin tone.
  • Look feminine and pretty by wearing jewelry and makeup. Go ahead and let him think that you went out of your way to look nice for him. He’ll appreciate it.
  • The second date should be no longer than 2 hours, which keeps you mysterious and intriguing. Even if you are having a fantastic time, tell him you must go to meet a friend or whatever. Leave him wanting more of you.
  • Keep the conversation very light and fun. Do not talk about your problems or your past relationships. Dating is supposed to be fun, so keep the conversation light.
  • Men are terrified of being rejected, so use validating comments (flirt) to let him know that you’ll say ‘yes’ if he asks you out again. Smile and say, “I’m having fun, __(his name)__.”
  • Don’t pick up the check or even go Dutch, which is emasculating. He must pay for all dates, even if the only thing he can afford is a slice of pizza. (Note: Once you are in a relationship and want to treat him to a home-cooked meal, that’s fine. I even tell women who are married to allow their husbands to pay for all the dates. Men want to please and treat women like a queen, so let them. It’s a turn-on.)
  • Do not have sex on the 1st date!!! A little kiss or hug is fine.
Strategies on your 2nd date:

Good job, you made it to date number two! Here are some great tips to keep him to pursuing you with passion:

  • Keep things light, light, light. Never talk about problems. If he does, just listen, and then change the subject to something lighter. Dating is supposed to be light and fun.
  • I strongly suggest that you date at least 3 men when single and looking for the One. Online dating makes this possible. This way, you’ll keep your options open and you won’t ‘put all your eggs in one basket’ too soon.
  • At some point before the second date is over, slip into the conversation that you are casually dating other men (even if you aren’t). This is a very effective and powerful strategy that works like a charm every time. Your ‘casual dating’ spiel could sound something like this: “I like being honest so I want you to know that I am casually dating other men, however, (lean in, smile and touch his forearm) I can’t imagine having more fun with anyone else.” – or “I haven’t laughed this much in a long time.” You say this and then change the subject. This usually turns on the man’s natural instinct to win and he’ll do anything to have you pick him over any other guy. 
  • Don’t have sex on the 2nd date!!! A lingering kiss is fine.

By now, your guy has asked you out again for date number three and will continue asking you out because you are a catch! He wants to be the lucky one to reel you in for that long-term relationship. The key is to never have sex with any man (intercourse, anal or oral sex) until you have a committed relationship with him. Anything else is fine – of course, only if you are very comfortable. Taking your time with kissing, petting (even heavy petting) is perfectly fine. He can wait. In fact, the more he has to wait, the more he’ll pursue you because he wants to reach the delicious goal of being chosen by you!!

Want to hear more juicy dating strategies? Click here for a powerful complementary 45-minute Guidance Session with Tamara. You’ll get clarity and relief from your love and dating problems.

Guest Blog: You Probably Didn’t Know How Bugs Can Lead To Self-Discovery And Peace

Kristen Darcy Blog

What a fun and informative read this is. Guest blogger, Kristen Darcy, shares how frequent visits from bugs led her down the path of self-discovery and peace.

The Grasshoppers and Praying Mantis

A few weeks back, on multiple days, no matter where I went or what I did, a grasshopper would appear – out of nowhere.  I was walking on the beach and a little grasshopper came along with me. Then out to dinner with extended family and a grasshopper hopped right onto my plate. Next, in the outside shower while shampooing my hair, yup, you guessed it, a grasshopper appeared on the top of my head. (See photos)

Early one morning during this time, I opened the door to let the dog out, and there, on my sliding door was a ginormous grasshopper.  Chit-chatting on the phone with my bestie, Love Expert Tamara Green, I mentioned to her about the serial visits from grasshoppers and the ‘grasshopper-on-steroids’ on my door! After texting Tamara a photo she stated, “Uh honey, that’s not a grasshopper, that’s a Praying Mantis.” She managed to say this without laughing, at least at first.

All the while, in my mind I thought there was some freakish thing happening around me with these bugs. Then, the strangest thing, the Praying Mantis started constantly showing up – on me, around me and then on my window staring at me while I worked. (See more photos)

I finally went to the web and Googled these animal totems.  Animal totems aid in self-discovery, giving us incredible avenues of self-expression and awareness. I searched for “Grasshopper totem” and “Praying Mantis totem” and you know what? The messages seemed to be contradicting each other.  The grasshopper totem’s message was, You are being asked to take a leap of faith. Just go ahead and do it without knowing the outcome!”resonated with this one on so many levels. But then the Praying Mantis totem’s  message was, The Praying Mantis always comes to us when we need peace, quiet and calm in our lives. Okey dokey then!   Is it taking the leap or is it a need for peace? (http://www.spirit-animals.com/grasshopper/)

After wrestling with these meanings, I was able to gain some clarity.  The messages of the grasshopper and Praying Mantis weren’t contradicting each other at all. In fact, these bugs (guides) were mindfully telling me, “You need peace. What leap of faith will you take to create your longing for peace and for what you desire?”  

Thank goodness for those persistent insects (that helped me make some important decisions), for good friends who listen and for my own self-awareness.  Not feeling peace is stressful and creates havoc on the body. I recently read a great article in Huff Post Healthy Living,  This Is Your Body On Stress (INFOGRAPHIC) by Laura Shocker, and wanted to share it with you because it breaks down how each part of the brain and body respond to external stress and explains how it affects your innards. This article reports,

“The stress response starts with amygdala, which acts as a sensor at the base of the brain by vetting every input for possible threats. When it senses danger, it shuts down the entire brain operation (now is not the time for, say, creative thinking) and prepares the body to pool all of its resources for survival, allowing you to react before you even have time to think about what is happening. When constantly, severely stressed, the amygdala can become overly sensitive and hyper-vigilant, making even relatively harmless events (such as a whiny child or a snoring spouse) seem like a threat. That explains those instinctively snappy over-reactions we can all have when feeling strung out.”

The combination of the messages from my animal totems and this article gave me much clarity and serenity. Here’s some tips to help you do the same:

3 Tips To Self-Discovery & Calm

  • Be aware of your animal totem by noticing what creatures keep showing around you. Then, Google that animal/insect plus the word “totem” to find out what message is meant for you. Isn’t it great to know that we’re being guided 24/7?
  • Notice the stress symptoms that you are having and refer back to the Huff Post article to see what your body is telling you about how you respond to stress. Having clarity is one way to instantly create a sense of calm.
  • Without knowing the outcome, ask yourself what can you do (or not do) that will foster peace, quiet and calm in your life right now. Once you’ve figured it out, take action to make sure that you are honoring your own insights.

Go ahead, act like the grasshopper and Praying Mantis by leaping into mindfulness, peace and calm. Instead of being ‘hopping mad’, you’ll be hopping with happiness.

Have a blessed and relaxing day!

Love, Kristen Darcy

Thank you Kristen for your wonderful words of fun, clarity and wisdom!! Love you bestie! Tamara

kristen darcy

Kristen Darcy is a noted author, fertility coach,  motivational speaker, divorce coach and expert on the emotional aspects of both infertility and divorce recovery.