Category Archives: Guest Blog Post

Happy Thanksgiving from Me to You!

In America, we love to say “thank you” on our most wonderful holiday – Thanksgiving. However, I want to seize this opportunity to express my gratitude to all of my readers from all every corner of the globe. You mean the world to me. I appreciate your integrity, interests and passions in whatever you do. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving!

– Tamara and her Loving Relationship Team

Please enjoy the grateful, fun and inspiring words of blogger, Marta Edmisten.

I am thankful for all the beauty that I can now find-almost every day.

I am thankful for the smiles of strangers and the gift of witnessing the wisdom of my dog. (I seriously doubt I’ll ever be able to consistently live in the moment as he does, or be so unabashedly all about love… I’m not ruling it out though.)

I am thankful that I still walk this earth. It is a luxury.

I am thankful for all the people who have loved and supported me – family, friends and people I’ve never met, especially those who never gave up on me even when I had.

I am thankful for the people who have given me the privilege of loving and supporting them.

I am thankful for everyone who has forgiven me when I screwed up royally.

I am thankful all the people (famous and unknown) who have fought tirelessly for the rights and dignities of others, animals and our planet.

I am thankful for every, book, movie, piece of art that brings me joy – better yet, makes me think.

I’m plain old thankful!

Soon, I hope, I’ll be thankful for:

  • A basic understanding of my computer and punctuation. 🙂
  • Being able to prepare food that is more often tasty than not.
  • Not running out of milk for my coffee in the morning, OR learning to enjoy my coffee straight up. (Marta-mornings are NOT pretty without coffee!)
  • Being thankful every day.

With Love and Gratitude,

Marta

 

The energy of gratitude is the gateway to positive change. – Tamara Green, Lovingly Relationship Expert

This photo shows Marta’s tattoo on her arm. Don’t you love it?

change tattoo

Marta lives in Brooklyn, NY with her dog BullyBean.marta-edmisten

To Show My Thanks, Get 50% Off All of My Products!

To show my thanks and appreciation for you,  you can get all of my products for 50% off from now until January 2016! Enjoy!

 Click here to SHOP NOW.

Guest Blog: You Probably Didn’t Know How Bugs Can Lead To Self-Discovery And Peace

Kristen Darcy Blog

What a fun and informative read this is. Guest blogger, Kristen Darcy, shares how frequent visits from bugs led her down the path of self-discovery and peace.

The Grasshoppers and Praying Mantis

A few weeks back, on multiple days, no matter where I went or what I did, a grasshopper would appear – out of nowhere.  I was walking on the beach and a little grasshopper came along with me. Then out to dinner with extended family and a grasshopper hopped right onto my plate. Next, in the outside shower while shampooing my hair, yup, you guessed it, a grasshopper appeared on the top of my head. (See photos)

Early one morning during this time, I opened the door to let the dog out, and there, on my sliding door was a ginormous grasshopper.  Chit-chatting on the phone with my bestie, Love Expert Tamara Green, I mentioned to her about the serial visits from grasshoppers and the ‘grasshopper-on-steroids’ on my door! After texting Tamara a photo she stated, “Uh honey, that’s not a grasshopper, that’s a Praying Mantis.” She managed to say this without laughing, at least at first.

All the while, in my mind I thought there was some freakish thing happening around me with these bugs. Then, the strangest thing, the Praying Mantis started constantly showing up – on me, around me and then on my window staring at me while I worked. (See more photos)

I finally went to the web and Googled these animal totems.  Animal totems aid in self-discovery, giving us incredible avenues of self-expression and awareness. I searched for “Grasshopper totem” and “Praying Mantis totem” and you know what? The messages seemed to be contradicting each other.  The grasshopper totem’s message was, You are being asked to take a leap of faith. Just go ahead and do it without knowing the outcome!”resonated with this one on so many levels. But then the Praying Mantis totem’s  message was, The Praying Mantis always comes to us when we need peace, quiet and calm in our lives. Okey dokey then!   Is it taking the leap or is it a need for peace? (http://www.spirit-animals.com/grasshopper/)

After wrestling with these meanings, I was able to gain some clarity.  The messages of the grasshopper and Praying Mantis weren’t contradicting each other at all. In fact, these bugs (guides) were mindfully telling me, “You need peace. What leap of faith will you take to create your longing for peace and for what you desire?”  

Thank goodness for those persistent insects (that helped me make some important decisions), for good friends who listen and for my own self-awareness.  Not feeling peace is stressful and creates havoc on the body. I recently read a great article in Huff Post Healthy Living,  This Is Your Body On Stress (INFOGRAPHIC) by Laura Shocker, and wanted to share it with you because it breaks down how each part of the brain and body respond to external stress and explains how it affects your innards. This article reports,

“The stress response starts with amygdala, which acts as a sensor at the base of the brain by vetting every input for possible threats. When it senses danger, it shuts down the entire brain operation (now is not the time for, say, creative thinking) and prepares the body to pool all of its resources for survival, allowing you to react before you even have time to think about what is happening. When constantly, severely stressed, the amygdala can become overly sensitive and hyper-vigilant, making even relatively harmless events (such as a whiny child or a snoring spouse) seem like a threat. That explains those instinctively snappy over-reactions we can all have when feeling strung out.”

The combination of the messages from my animal totems and this article gave me much clarity and serenity. Here’s some tips to help you do the same:

3 Tips To Self-Discovery & Calm

  • Be aware of your animal totem by noticing what creatures keep showing around you. Then, Google that animal/insect plus the word “totem” to find out what message is meant for you. Isn’t it great to know that we’re being guided 24/7?
  • Notice the stress symptoms that you are having and refer back to the Huff Post article to see what your body is telling you about how you respond to stress. Having clarity is one way to instantly create a sense of calm.
  • Without knowing the outcome, ask yourself what can you do (or not do) that will foster peace, quiet and calm in your life right now. Once you’ve figured it out, take action to make sure that you are honoring your own insights.

Go ahead, act like the grasshopper and Praying Mantis by leaping into mindfulness, peace and calm. Instead of being ‘hopping mad’, you’ll be hopping with happiness.

Have a blessed and relaxing day!

Love, Kristen Darcy

Thank you Kristen for your wonderful words of fun, clarity and wisdom!! Love you bestie! Tamara

kristen darcy

Kristen Darcy is a noted author, fertility coach,  motivational speaker, divorce coach and expert on the emotional aspects of both infertility and divorce recovery.

Shopping For ‘The One’

I love featuring guest bloggers, so please enjoy this one about the ups and downs of being a single woman in Boston while searching for ‘the One.’

Shopping For ‘The One’

SamanthaDarcyMore than two years ago, while in a failing eight year relationship and swimming in debt, I couldn’t imagine how anyone would be able to go it alone in a world where anything of high quality came with an even higher price tag. As I wasted months delaying the inevitable and dreading the decision to part from my high school sweetheart, I knew I had to take control of my life’s desires. Without a warning about life in a one-woman show, this 25-year-old first time single female set out in search of ‘the One.’

During that time, life came with its fair share of struggles as I turned to family, friends, counselors, spiritual advisers, and even a psychic for answers to my burning questions. I laughed and cried, almost loved and lost, obsessed, gave up, then danced and sang through the pain. Despite each fall, I got back on the horse, learning more about myself in the process.

For some, finding the right ‘One’ is easy. It comes wrapped with a pretty little bow and life goes on. Wanting to, but refusing to look back and harp on my unluckiness in love, I made it a goal to strive for ‘anything but dull’ and to become someone that I would admire.

I am an interior designer at Boston’s most prestigious architecture firm, designing multi-million dollar corporate interiors. In my free time, I also volunteer my graphic design services, creating anything from logos and business cards to wedding invitations and baby announcements. I have a fantastic family and a dynamite group of Zumba-loving friends, a new two door coupe, my own apartment in the city, and an active full life.

The minute my relationship ended, I surrounded myself with family and friends, and decided to explore the city that I didn’t know, despite living in it for six years. I met new people through new hobbies, began working out, volunteering, and took up writing. I have more hobbies than I can count, am rarely bored, and hardly ever turn down plans, especially after realizing how much of life is measured in experiences.

Somewhere in between, I find time to window-shop for boys.

Filtering through attractiveness, age, height, education, and zodiac sign (just to name a few) the idea of online dating was an exciting thought in the beginning. “Bald and short men need not apply!”

Fast-forward two years, when the bald ones become my favorite and the height requirement came down a few inches. It was becoming crystal clear to me why dating is a bouquet of smoke and mirrors. With over 30 first dates under my belt and an average of weeding through 7-10 duds to find a match, I had been left to wonder, Why I am the exception? On the path to bettering myself, meeting many people along the way, I raised my standards. Rushing to find someone became second to finding my equal. True chemistry proved rare, but essential. Finding the right person at the right time surfaced as another seemingly impossible necessity.

I had wanted the process of finding ‘the One’ to feel like Christmas morning instead of wondering if I should get a gift receipt. It’s been a journey of emotional ups and downs on what feels like an endless ride on a roller coaster. Each time I get to know someone new, it’s filled with mystery, questions, uncertainty, anxiety, and self-consciousness. At times, I’ve debated signing up for a match-making television show, knowing full well I am not built for TV. Other times, I’ve joked about a billboard-sized single’s ad with a ‘1-800-‘ number.

I’ve been someone’s rebound, someone’s one-that-got-away, someone’s future nothing, someone’s fun night, someone’s right now, someone’s foreign love affair, someone’s lover turned friend, and painfully enough, someone’s “maybe someday.” Each time, I try to remember that I am putting a mark on their lives as they are putting theirs on mine.

People come into your life for many reasons. Some come long enough to teach you something and then disappear, while others come in as a little boost to make me realize, I’ve still got it!

While in search, I try to remind myself, this is my life for now, but it can change in an instant with everything before it a distant memory.

Like anyone else, I have good and bad days and can feel completely alone, even in a room filled with my favorite people. There are some days where no amount of tears, friends, fro-yo, or ‘tattling on your ex to his mother’ can take away the pain of a broken heart. Eventually, time heals most wounds and I realize that I wouldn’t be half the person I am without each failure, success, new experience, interest, and character.

Still to this day, I am learning how to let go, to love, and to be patient. I just have to keep moving forward, until I find what works.

With all my dating, relationships, loves and losses, I have to believe that anything worth anything is worth the work and worth the wait.

Samantha Darcy is an interior designer living in Boston, Massachusetts. She started writing in 2013 at the end of a nearly 8-year relationship with her high school sweetheart. After an outpouring of encouragement to write about her experiences, she started compiling stories of life, love, loss, and dating on her journey to find ‘the One.’ You can read more blogs from Samantha at FindMyHand.wordpress.com.

 

3 Secrets To Honoring The Struggle

Today’s guest blogger, Jennifer Urezzio shares her wisdom in dealing with your own personal struggles by looking into your soul to change your perspective. I hope you find it as enlightening as I have. Enjoy!

xoxo

– Tamara

3 Secrets To Honoring The Struggle

Jen u

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, the struggle is so unbearable that I don’t want to be in it…I want it gone and gone NOW! Isn’t it true that we judge our struggles because it might seem, in comparison to others, no big deal? Yet, when you’re in the thick of it, it sure feels like a big deal.

Reluctance in honoring your struggle and unwillingness to seeing the blessings in your situation actually creates more discomfort, upset and pain. And if that’s not bad enough, this energy gets stuck in your body and generates even more chaos in your life. For example, this often happens with not accepting and honoring the grief process because one becomes afraid of feeling and honoring their pain. The energy of this pain then gets stuck in the lungs, which can cause respiratory issues.

Honestly, its tough to embrace the difficult times, but when you do, it really does turn your struggles into blessings.

Jennifer’s 3 Secrets To Honoring The Struggle:
  1. Ask to be shown the blessings in this situation. It may be a challenge, but it certainly helps to make a declaration. Here’s a statement I suggest making; I honor this struggle and experience the blessings in this situation!
  1. Have a conversation with your Soul. Talk to your soul by holding your hand over your heart with the intention to speak to your central self – that part of you that has never been hurt and knows no fear. You can start with the simple question; What do I need to understand about this situation to honor myself and to heal?
  1. Remind yourself that the Divine has your back. This very practical advice (although it might not feel practical) is about you feeling the comfort of the Divine and knowing that the Divine has your back. You can do this by asking to feel the sensation of being loved and protected by the Divine (note: your mind is going to try and veto this, but just allow your body and the Divine to take over). If you have difficulty in doing this, then get help by a spiritual practitioner, like myself. I suggest you connect to this feeling a couple times a day during periods of struggle.

Thank you Jennifer for your words of wisdom. Its wonderful to know that we are not alone in our pain and struggles and that we can turn to our own heart for connection and comfort.

Jennifer Urezzio is a master intuitive and the founder and spiritual director of Know Soul’s Language. Soul Language is a way to consciously connect with your Soul that was received through Divine Guidance. Understanding your Soul Languages allows you to access your own Soul’s guidance to accept your value, be more confident, have more impact and grow into a stronger leader.

 

 

 

Finding the Perfect Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Today’s guest blogger, Brooke, who happens to be someone I am helping to navigate the waters of love and dating, did not like Valentine’s Day until she had a change of heart. Read her inspiring story of going from “depressing lows” and “frustration” to “a blissful feeling of peace, self-love and happiness.” I hope you enjoy this as much as I have! Make sure to read after Brooke’s piece to access your Valentine’s Day Gift!

xoxo

– Tamara

Finding The Perfect Valentine

brooke-sBeing single and without a significant other by early February, can be very depressing. By Martin Luther King day, the lovey-dovey ads for jewelry start popping up and the drug stores fill with red and pink decorated everything even though all you wanted was a package of plain M&M’s, hold the hearts please! The pressure not to be alone on February 14th can be, well, disheartening, but, I decided to change my outlook.

2014 was one of the most difficult years in my close to 46 on this earth, and trust me, in 4 decades I’ve survived divorce (my parents and my own), job loss (twice in a span of 4 years) and heartbreak (this last one was a doozy). As a single mom of two teens, it’s hard to find romance with Mr. Right- so I continually found my way back to Mr. Absolutely WRONG! Strangely enough, it was Mr. Wrong who, last year, introduced me to Ms. Right On! Tamara Green. We instantly bonded and the healing began.

It was extremely challenging, but last April I finally left Mr. Wrong for good. I thought that by leaving him everything would fall into place and that I’d meet the love of my life and find a great job- you know, that whole “one door closes” philosophy. So when doors weren’t immediately flinging open, frustration ensued.

Tamara was there for me, telling me to relax, to enjoy dating and to keep things light. I was assigning myself so much pressure to meet someone that it had become a roller coaster ride of major highs and depressing lows until I finally gave up and resigned my online dating accounts. I needed a new outlook, and once again, my phone rang displaying a very welcome caller ID- Tamara Green.

When Tamara told me about her Energy Healing for Self Empowerment course, I knew that a door was opening that I needed to walk through. I was blessed enough to join a group of positive men and women, of varying ages, whose goal was growth through positivity, non-judgment and self-love. The energy in the room was warm, organic and electric.

Tamara took us through body tapping, physical and experiential exercises that invigorated me to the core. In one process, we bid our dark pasts and fears farewell and greeted our new bright futures. I was joyous as we embraced the happiness ahead, and, at that point, I truly knew that I would find love, absolutely. I didn’t focus on the details of how, who, what or where. Instead, Tamara encouraged me to envision the relationship of my dreams as if I were living it now and in every moment moving forward. She helped me to manifest my desires by living as if I’d already achieved them- the result, a blissful feeling of peace, self-love and happiness.

This Valentine’s week I’m thinking differently. Instead of feeling lost without a valentine, I’m celebrating the love within and surrounding me. It feels wonderful knowing that love will always be in my future. As someone very wise once said, “love conquers all.”

To Tamara, my Energy Healing classmates, Mr. Right and even to you,

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

Love, Brooke

Brooke Stachyra is a journalist and self-proclaimed media socialite who shares her musings through social and digital media. Please follow her on Twitter @TheGoodBrooke

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Thank you Brooke. You are a single lady facing Valentine’s Day in a whole new way. Instead of wallowing in pity, you are turning this day of love into a party. Gooooo Brooke!

Now, along with Brooke, let’s have some self-loving fun!

If you haven’t signed up yet for your free Valentine’s Day audio, it’s not too late. Click here to get your gift and turn Valentine’s Day into a celebration of loving you!!

For more information on Tamara’s transformative courses and workshops, visit her Events Page now. Looking forward to seeing you soon!  

Does and Don’ts: A User’s Guide to Snagging a Good Man

bigstock-Couple-walking-on-beach-Young-40788364Thank you to Thomas Fiffer of The Good Men Project for letting us share this great blog in response to a reader’s question about how to approach a ‘Good Man’. Love it!

A “Good Man,” as the saying goes, is hard to find. Well, not really. There are millions of good men out there. Millions. Good men whose intentions are honorable. Good men whose behavior towards women is kind and respectful. Good men who appreciate love and value commitment. Good men who hew to a code of morality and decent conduct in their personal and professional lives. Good men who don’t need to be bad boys to prove themselves. And these good men are not hiding. They’re everywhere, in plain sight. The young cashier at the supermarket who asks how your day is going. The guy jogging along the bike path who smiles as you pass by. The weary commuter coming home on the late evening train with a bunch of flowers on the empty seat next to him. Some of these good men are already taken. But many are not. Many are available and looking for a good partner—a person who shares their values, appreciates their efforts, and treats them with respect. Recently, a reader wrote in to The Good Men Project and asked if we could provide her with a guide to how to court a good man.

I have known him all my life and had a crush in all the beginning years. And now we actually talk and hang out sometimes. Although I am not sure how to show an interest without being too forward or overbearing. I’m just not sure and never really find any GOOD articles on how to approach a man of genuine interest in an adult context.

So here’s our answer. A list of five attributes and behaviors a good man looks for in his partner, and five he studiously avoids.

What to Do

There’s no greater turn off than his catching you in a lie about something a few weeks or a few months into your relationship.

  1. Honesty. This is the absolute deal-breaker for a good man. He doesn’t need to know all your secrets, at least not at the beginning of your relationship. But there’s no greater turn off than his catching you in a lie about something a few weeks or a few months into your relationship. We all have dirty laundry—things we regret in our past, dysfunctional family members, financial issues—and it’s crucial to be truthful about these from the start. A good man is unlikely to ask too many probing questions or interrogate his potential partners, because he wants to see you in the best light. But if he does ask, or if you’re hiding something for fear he won’t want you if you disclose it to him, you’re much better off getting it in the open and clearing the air before your relationship progresses. Good men are genuine, willing to be vulnerable, and open to intimacy with someone they trust. But if you make them feel duped, they’ll turn and walk away.

Deserving something is different from feeling entitled to it. Deserving means he knows his own worth.

  1. Respect. It’s not just that a good man likes to be respected, it’s that he knows he deserves it. Deserving something is different from feeling entitled to it. Deserving means he knows his own worth. If he keeps a tidy house or apartment and doesn’t like dishes left on the table or laundry thrown on the floor, don’t make fun of his habits; respect the way he treats his home. If he has activities he values that aren’t your cup of tea, don’t mock him for interests that may seem odd to you. And if he draws a boundary—around his time, his money, his family, or his degree of emotional involvement with you—respect it. Common wisdom says that women test men all the time, but men test women or any potential partner, too, in their own way. A good man doesn’t want someone who’s stepping into his life so that person can walk all over him.

Your time with a good man is valuable, and he wants to use it to create intimacy.

  1. Attention. A good man craves your attention, your genuine interest in his personal and professional life, your focus on him, and your eagerness to learn more about who he is and how he got to be that way. And it’s not just your sexual attention or flirting that he desires. When he’s talking or telling a story, he wants you to listen and not be texting a friend or answering emails. If you’re meeting for a date, he wants to be greeted warmly and not feel that you’re distracted. If you’re living together and he’s coming home to you, he wants you to be emotionally available. If you’re not, he may take refuge in watching sports or other distractions, which will make you feel rejected and start a cycle of resentment that can easily kill the relationship. Your time with a good man is valuable, and he wants to use it to create intimacy.

A good man wants to know what you like and don’t like, because—wait for it—he actually wants to make you happy.

  1. Your preferences. A good man wants to know what you like and don’t like, because—wait for it—he actually wants to make you happy. Your happiness gives him pleasure. If you’re wishy washy or just go with whatever he likes thinking your accommodating nature will please him, you’re setting yourself up for problems later when you start to feel resentment because your real needs aren’t being met. A good man wants to meet your needs. He needs to meet them. He knows that meeting them is the key to maintaining a successful relationship, and since he can’t read your mind, he needs you to tell him. He’s also not afraid to say no, which means you don’t need to worry about being too needy or demanding. If he can’t do it or doesn’t think it’s wise or appropriate, he won’t do it. He wants to please you, but only in ways that are healthy for each of you and for the relationship.

He wants you to have your psychological act together before he gets serious with you.

  1. Emotional health. Chances are a good man has been in one or more relationships with emotionally insecure or dysfunctional partners. These people have radar that shows them all the good men in a hundred-mile radius. They seek out men who are patient and tolerant, who will put up with their crap, who won’t walk away when things get tough because they love strongly and feel responsible for their partner’s welfare and well-being. A good man who has some experience under his belt has learned to spot the warning signals and to be wary of the red flags. He doesn’t want a rescue mission. He doesn’t want be your whipping post as you work through your anger over your shitty childhood. He’ll take care of you when you’re sick, hold your hand when you’re lonely, offer his shoulder and his handkerchief when you’re flooding with tears, and pick you up when you fall to pieces, but he wants you to have your psychological act together before he gets serious with you.

♦◊♦

What Not to Do

He doesn’t like drama or the conflict that inevitably accompanies it.

  1. No drama. A good man treasures peace. If your life is all about the drama at work with your awful boss and catty colleagues, the drama with your parents or siblings with whom you don’t get along, the person on the subway or in the store who looked at you the wrong way, a good man is not going to have any part of it. He doesn’t like drama or the conflict that inevitably accompanies it. He’s worked hard to achieve a peaceful rhythm in his life. He’s removed toxic people or placed them at arm’s length. He’s taken responsibility for his mistakes and not blamed them on other people. He’s trying to build a future and a legacy, and he doesn’t have time for an endless soap opera. If your cat needs to go to the vet at 2:00 a.m., he’ll show up and drive you. But if your friend the alcoholic or addict needs to be picked up—again—and brought home to detox or taken to the emergency room, you’ll find yourself on your own.

Throw out every single bit of dating advice from the magazine articles. It’s worthless.

  1. No games. Who’s going to call first? How long should I wait to answer his text? Should I disappear for a few days to make him want me more? Throw out every single bit of dating advice from the magazine articles. It’s worthless. A good man despises games. He’s forthright and direct. If you like him, let him know. Ask him out for coffee or a drink. It’s really that simple. If you’re dating and he calls you, he expects you to answer if you’re available or call him back promptly if you’re not. If he texts you, he’s looking for a response, not a waiting game. And if you reach out to him and he doesn’t get back to you right away, it’s because he’s busy, not because he’s ignoring you. If you press him on this or pepper him with calls and texts asking where he is or suggesting he doesn’t care about you, he will break it off, delete you from his contacts, and block you on his phone. And if you test him in a dishonest or disingenuous way or try to set a trap for him, he will immediately discern that you’re a game player. Relationships are about trust for him, and while he understands that trust is earned, he also knows that it doesn’t need to be constantly proven.

If your shtick is that you’re always the victim … you can forget snagging a good man right now.

  1. No playing the victim. If you’ve survived any type of victimization, a good man will help you heal. But if your shtick is that you’re always the victim in every interaction you have, that everything that happens to you is someone else’s fault, you can forget snagging a good man right now. Because he knows that eventually he’ll be the one you’re blaming. A good man wants a strong partner who is honest about his or her own contribution in every situation, and he will not allow himself to be unfairly accused or criticized. Don’t be surprised if he calls you on your complaining and tries to set you straight. He’ll give you one chance to grow up, and if you don’t take it, he’ll find someone with greater emotional maturity.

Don’t kiss his feet … unless that happens to be his fetish.

  1. No worship. A good man actually knows he’s good. He’s secure and confident. He wants you to like and respect him, but he doesn’t want you to worship him or put him on a pedestal from which he can only fall the moment he screws up and lets you down. If you tell him on your first date that he’s the greatest person you’ve ever met or that you’ve been waiting all your life for him, he’ll humbly deflect your praise and reassure you he’s not perfect. And he isn’t. He doesn’t expect you to be, and your portraying him as perfect is a huge red flag. Honor him, respect him, dig him, be into him, but don’t kiss his feet … unless that happens to be his fetish.

A good man is looking for simplicity in a relationship. He doesn’t need grand gestures to be courted. He just wants to know you’re not going to get hold of his heart then crush it and stomp on it.

  1. No assumptions. A good man places a high value on direct communication. He doesn’t want to have to guess what you’re thinking or what you mean. If you’re wondering how to let him know you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with him, it’s as simple as asking him out and showing him you’re an enjoyable person to be with, a person he’d like to get together with again. A good man is looking for simplicity in a relationship. He doesn’t need grand gestures to be courted. He just wants to know you’re not going to get hold of his heart then crush it and stomp on it. He just wants to know that you’re an adult and will treat him as an equal. Don’t assume he’ll pay for everything. He’ll be generous but also appreciate your treats and contributions. Don’t assume he just wants sex. He wants it, but he wants it to be meaningful and intimate, to flow from the two of you coming closer together, not to be used as a crutch to achieve closeness. Don’t assume he’s straying if his head turns when an attractive woman walks by. He can’t help it. He can acknowledge her attractiveness without wanting her. And don’t ever assume you can take him for granted. Saying thank you when he does something nice for you, when he shows you kindness and respect, means the world to a good man. He loves to be appreciated.

We hope this guide is helpful—for the reader who wrote in and for anyone who wants to know how to court—and keep—a good man.

Blog post reprinted courtesy of Thomas G Fiffer. Original blog can be found at www.goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/how-to-court-a-good-man-5-dos-and-5-donts-fiff/

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About Thomas G. Fiffer

IMG_20150124_110124Thomas G. Fiffer, Executive Editor at The Good Men Project, is a graduate of Yale and holds an M.A. in creative writing from the University of Illinois at Chicago. He posts regularly on his blog, Tom Aplomb, and serves as Editor of Westport’s HamletHub, a local online news and information service. He is also a featured storyteller with MouseMuse Productions and is working on his first novel.

How a Good Man Proposes… Get Your Tissues Out!

1798046_10100625751880345_1216610577_nThis is week 2 of the ‘Good Men’ series and the excitement is building!

What can I say but wow! Our very own Loving Relationship Team member, Karyn, got a marriage proposal On Air with Ryan Seacrest. Karyn was swept off her feet by her ‘Good Man,’ Sean. You will hear one of the most heart-felt and romantic proposals ever. I have now heard this proposal audio about 5 times, and I still get misty-eyed due to Sean overwhelming words of love and adoration. Grab your tissues because you’ll need them! (See Sean’s loving proposal video and written out below .)

I had the pleasure of interviewing Sean and we had the following conversation:

Tamara: Sean, what is it about Karyn that made you fall head over heels in love with her?

Sean: I could go on all day about Karyn’s attributes, but these are the main three:

  1. Karyn is generosity itself. The overwhelming care that she shows for those around her is staggering. She is the most selfless person I know and would give you the shirt off of her back, if need be. She is kind to strangers and her love for her family and friends is deep and true. She always goes the extra mile.
  2. I love Karyn’s imagination. She is constantly dreaming and always wants to build, paint or create. Her creative side comes out, especially when she’s playing with her niece and nephews. Whether it’s an idea for a story, a home project or names of our future kids, her imagination keeps my own creative juices flowing. Karyn is never complacent.
  3. Karyn is serene and the most genuine person I’ve ever met. She never pretends to be someone she is not, nor has she ever said a bad thing about a person behind his or her back. If she offers you help, she follows through on it. Nothing is said for the sake of saying it. Karyn is a woman of her word and I trust her with all my heart.

 Tamara: That’s wonderful, and, yes, I agree with everything your said about Karyn! In fact, you’ve confirmed why I chose her to be part of the Loving Relationship Team. She’s the best. Sean, what are the three main attributes of your relationship?

Sean:

  1. Motivation – We always encourage each other to chase our dreams and conquer our goals. And more than that, we are there to help each other in addition to just offering inspiring words. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for each other, to help the other succeed.
  2. Communication – This attribute is a two-parter. First, we have our own unique pet names for each other (that very few people know). They are terms of endearment that is just for us, that makes us feel like we’ve got an inside joke that no one else is in on. Second, Karyn and I make sure we don’t allow small annoyances to grow into resentment. We are clear with each other about our issues, so that we can work on them and progress as a couple.
  3. Dating –  When you spend so much time just coexisting in the same living space, it’s easy to get into a routine that lacks a spark. We make sure to find time to go out on dates and talk about our future or even just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie.
    It’s important for a couple that lives together to be more than just roommates.

Tamara: Sean, everything you listed about your relationship rocks. You both know what’s necessary for a long-lasting and happy marriage. If you were to give advice to the women out there who are longing for their own loving relationship like yours and Karyn’s, what would you tell them?

Sean: If you want to make a man fall madly in love, try what Karyn did 🙂

  • Dress nicely, and leave something to the imagination. Go out of your way to wear something he may have complimented you on. It shows you are listening.
  • Never dumb yourself down, and don’t be afraid to show your intelligence. Real men don’t like a ditz.   A woman you can talk to (AND LAUGH WITH) forever is a woman you can be with forever. 
  • Share your passions. Having a hobby or craft or labor of love outside of work shows that you are passionate about life.
  • If you’re drinking with your love interest, keep it classy. While it may have been fun to test your alcohol limits in college, demonstrating some self-control flaunts the adult in you. Be kind to those that serve you, such as, the wait staff. It shows people who you really are.
  • Show off the person you love to your friends. Be proud of them. While you don’t have to introduce them to your parents after just a month, bringing them around to your inner circle lets them know that you aren’t a dirty secret and that you aren’t ashamed to show them off.
  • If you can see a glimpse of a long-term relationship, don’t rush into anything physical. Yes, romantic compatibility is important, but many other things trump it.

Tamara: Thank you Sean, these are true pearls of wisdom.

 Sean: My relationship with Karyn means the world to me, and if any piece of that could help someone else, I wanted to share it.

Tamara: I know that what you shared has not only helped but given so much hope to single women that there are ‘Good Men’, like you, out there. Karyn is one lucky woman and you are one fortunate man. Congratulations on your engagement and I wish you and Karyn all the best for an amazing future filled with magnificent love.

Listen to Sean’s Live On-Air Proposal with Ryan Seacrest Below:

You can listen to the entire on-air lead-in to the proposal here.

In writing, here’s Sean’s
mind-blowing proposal To Karyn:

I love you like the moon loves the sun for helping it shine.
You are my reason to shine, Karyn.
You are the center of my world and if the universe could grant me one wish, it would be that I could spend every last minute I have on this earth next to you.

You make me a better man, every single day.
Your warmth, your selflessness and your love are shining examples of all that is good and beautiful in this world.
In a million years, Karyn, I could never imagine anyone else as my wife, my best friend or my soul mate, because that is what you are.

The last six years together have been an absolute blessing. And even if they haven’t been, we are stronger for it.There is nothing, nothing at all that we can’t get through in this life together and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.

I am completely and wholly in love with you.

 Mahal na mahal na mahal kita. (“I love you so much” in Filipino)
I love you so so so so much. And I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure everyone knows this.

 Honey, will you let me be there for you for the rest of our lives and will you marry me? Please?

You can find Sean Dane Strife on twitter @lifeofstrife

{Guest Blogspot} Remaining in Love with Yourself

Hi Loves! This week’s blog is a beautiful and poignant piece written by my dear friend, Kristen Darcy.  How many of you ignore the relationship you have with yourself throughout the years?  Read her 50 years of wisdom and learn how to nurture the most important relationship of your life – with YOU!

This blog is especially dear to me as well because it goes in line with my FREE 21 Days to Self Love Meditation Experience coming up on October 8. Check it out and don’t forget to register for this completely free event. Check out the video below Kristen’s blog. Enjoy!

xoxo,

Tamara

bigstock-Buddha-hands-holding-flower-47788762“Each decade is different.” These were my mother’s words of wisdom when I turned a certain age and sharing my sense of discomforts about life and myself.  “Each decade is different” may not seem like too radical of an insight, but I use these words whenever I sense I am falling out of love with myself during a transformative period.

I now have five decades of life experience under my belt. My life has been filled with twists and turns that mostly fell into the “not as I had planned” category. I have gained a sense of comfort, however, in knowing that change is always certain. This knowledge brings clarity and a basic understanding of one profound belief: my mom was correct when she said each decade is different.

Being in the flow of the wave of creation is crucial, regardless of whether your intent is to paint your room a new color, get a new job or expand your family or begin anew. A foundation of self-love will move the journey forward with grace.

Falling out of love with yourself usually begins with the feeling that you’re not good enough and that is why life is working against you. Your mind (ego) grabs hold of that emotion and then you begin to obsess about it. Before you know it, you begin to believe you are a failure — unlovable, damaged, unsupportive, sad, depressed, angry, hopeless and infertile.

The emotion(s) take on an identity of their own and then BAM!  You start living those beliefs and lose all loving feelings for yourself.

I am always astounded by the complexity of the creation process, but especially so when I share with my children, who are now 16 and 11, all the “steps” that had to go right to create them. Remembering this reminds me that although the stars and moon had to align, to manifest a human into form, the creative wave is always flowing and as long as your are clear about loving yourself and your intention, the process is miraculously simple.

Most of us are inundated with a constant flow of messages via instant communication tools that also come with the expectation of instant gratification, Do you find yourself annoyed if you don’t get an immediate response to your text? But is this also our expectation about creating our hearts desire or living our dreams?   Do we feel it needs to happen in an instant; otherwise, there is something wrong with us?  This makes loving creating challenges even more intense.

It takes practice to keep your heart and mind on the same open line of communication.  This practice includes feeling and witnessing your emotions and allowing them to glide over you. Try setting up a daily practice of connecting to your childlike awe.  It is simpler than you think to cultivate a practice of being in the flow of emotional health and bringing nonjudgmental awareness to your feelings.

Your internal conversation might sound like this:

“What is wrong with me? Why can’t I have______?  Why is this happening to me?  Everyone else is___________!” 

When these types of judging thoughts roll in, pause and reflect and begin by asking yourself:  Oh boy, is this a loving thought? 

Then follow that question with these:

“How do I feel? What do I need?”  

Listen to your heart, acknowledge your chattering mind, and if the chattering mind talks over your heart, simply let it blow by.

You are not your feelings!   Living in a loving essence is accepting the feeling in the moment, acknowledging it and then acting on what you need by listening to your feelings!

Be in loving-kindness with yourself first and that love will ripple into all parts of your life and be the driver of your creations.

Love is our truth.  Remember this throughout each decade of your life!

KristenIntactHeadshotFinallogo_0831-38-RecoveredKristen Darcy, is a noted author, coach, motivational speaker and expert on the emotional aspects of infertility and other life challenges.  She presents at conferences around the country as an expert and keynote speaker.  She also consults with fertility clinics and providers to provide emotional support services for their clients/patients.

Kristen is the author of Girlfriend to Girlfriend: A Fertility Companion (First Books Library, 2000) and the award-winning Love & Infertility: Survival Strategies for Balancing Infertility, Marriage and Life (LifeLine Press, 2004). Love and Infertility is the recipient of the Hope Award, Best Book, Coping, from RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association.  She has been highlighted in national publications and broadcast media including NBC’s The Today Show, Woman’s World magazine, PBS’ Health Week and The Boston Globe. She also is a former board member and volunteer for RESOLVE of New England. Kristen’s next book coming out spring of 2015 Divorcing Intact:  How to Protect, Advocate, Guide and Empower Yourself and Your Children through a High-conflict Divorce. 

Visit her at kristendarcy.net.

Introducing Tamara’s FREE 21 Day to Self Love Meditation Experience:

{Guest Blogspot} How Do I Handle My Partner’s Clutter, It’s Driving Me Nuts!

Hi Loves! This week’s blog is a remarkable piece penned by my dear friend, Christine Bové.  This is a problem so many of us have, but don’t think there is a solution.  Read this and learn from the wonderfully brilliant, Christine.  Enjoy!

xoxo,

Tamara

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chrsitine blogIt’s not easy when your partner is a clutter-bug and you are really neat. This is often one of my clients’ top complaints. I will walk around a home or receive pictures of their partner’s clutter. “You see…what am I supposed to do!” I definitely feel my client’s pain and frustration.  They want a beautiful home and a place to relax and enjoy their family but it can feel overwhelming with all that clutter!  Often I hear, “it’s not mine but I’m the one taking care it, If I don’t do it no one will.” The energy around those statements is heavy and negative. The more they talk about it the more I see and feel it draining their energy.  As I ask more questions I begin to learn that this negative energy is actually impacting my client’s relationship not just their space.

Every time we think about the clutter we create more resistance, the more we talk about it with others we create more resistance. You see, when we focus on the things we don’t want we actually create more of it. Once I explain this to my clients they begin to see how this focus negatively impacts their relationships. However, the response I get is “I just can’t ignore it!”  And I respond with , “Well it’s not working for you to focus on it, right?”

After a thoughtful pause, my clients usually think about it and by the end of the session try a new way of thinking about their situation.  It’s not really a new way of thinking, rather learning to understand the Law of Attraction. I was recently reading the book The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks. On page 36 they give a great explanation on how when we focus on our partner’s clutter and junk we are operating from a personal place of imbalance, a place of frustration and anger, a feeling this will never get cleared and I am the only one to do something about it. These thoughts take us out of alignment, creating stress and negativity in our bodies and our home. When we operate in this negative mindset no matter how much action we take it will not resolve the issues.

In fact the worst thing you could do, is get fed up and dump all your partner’s stuff! You see, they have some emotional attachment to it, from fear or resistance there is some attachment to their clutter. Here’s where Feng Shui can help you get clear on the cause of the problem. If you haven’t read my previous blog “9 Reasons to Feng Shui Your Clutter” click here.  I go into depth about how clutter in certain areas of your home relates to different areas of your life.

I had a client who was trying to get pregnant, she had a beautiful home, but still struggled with clutter in her basement and attic. It was a combination of both their stuff, but it was mostly his and it was overwhelming to her. They had a lot of good quality stuff from their past and they didn’t know what to do with it. When I brought to her attention that the basement represents the past and the attic represents the future… The “aha” moment was made and the motivation started. We discussed how to release the guilt of letting go of items that had positive meaning in their life, but just no place in their home. Once she saw this, she realized how it was impacting their ability to start a family and her husband finally agreed it was time to let go of the stuff. I helped ease the process with an energetic space clearing that shifted the attachment to their stuff. Within weeks they were motivated to sell items online and the clutter was gone. Their basement became a playroom and new office for her to start working from home, the attic was turned into a nanny’s room. With all this letting go, she finally became pregnant!

“If you are focused upon problems – the Law of Attraction will bring problems to you faster than you can fix them. If you are focused upon a disorganized home – the Law of Attraction will bring more experiences of disorder, disruption, and problems you can keep up with.”

– From the book, The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks                                              

So here’s what you need to do:

  1. Stop focusing on the clutter. Stop thinking about it and talking about it with all your friends.
  2. Find things in your space that you love – particular rooms, decor, accessories, etc. Focus your attention on these things. And yes, close the doors to the rooms with clutter.
  3. Focus on what’s working and how to make things better.

Do you have a space that’s organized and beautiful? What worked to get that space organized. Did you have fun creating? Think what worked and find that energy to do it again.

Once your energy is off the clutter and your partner’s mistakes you may be surprised that he starts to clean up his stuff or admits to you why he is stuck on his stuff. It will shift the energy of your relationship and maybe make things better or help you finally make the decision to move on. Sometimes people just have to come to that place on their own. Plus, when the energy shifts to a more positive place in the home, they may become more energized to make a change with their stuff.

So, if you raise your energy they may just follow and soon the clutter will leave on its own.

Still not convinced…. just give it a try for the next 21 days and leave a comment below. I know you will see a difference.

If you feel overwhelmed, book a Feng Shui consultation and let me help you clear the clutter and get organized. Click here to set up a complimentary 15 minute consultation to chat with me about your home. Once you fill out the application you will receive an email to schedule your complimentary session.

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christine2Christine Bové is a speaker, author and Feng Shui expert. Christine teaches busy career women how to simplify their lifestyle from their work, home, wardrobe and diet.Christine uses Feng Shui to create a mindset for success while also helping clients organize and beautify their space to create an image that reflects their personal style.  Christine has the ability to see beyond her client’s words and look deeper to begin true healing. Christine is also the co-author of Balance for Busy Moms: A Stress-Free Guide to Tranquility, in which she teaches mom’s how to manage and maintain organization in their homes without losing herself. Christine is the co-creator of the Glamour + Metal documentary, a documentary on personal branding. Christine lectures at women’s organizations, corporations, networking groups and teaches online classes. To learn more about Christine, visit www.christinebove.com and sign up for her FREE Mini Video Series on Feng Shui.