Category Archives: Tamara’s Blog

My Exciting News!

Great Things Coming!

Hello all you wonderful readers! You may have noticed I have been absent for a while in the blogging world. It has been for all very good reasons! In the coming weeks, I am planning to shake up my entire site so I can give you, my most loyal friends, more ways to encourage and inspire you to take control of your life and truly love yourselves. So stay tuned to see what I have planned. I promise you, you’ll love the changes!

and now some exciting news…

Cover and Article in Eydis Magazine!

I am so thrilled to be interviewed and featured on the cover of Eydis Magazine! I decided to share my story of how I overcame my childhood history of sexual abuse and learned to love myself.  I hope my story inspires readers to find their own turning point to find self-love.

I urge you to read it and share it below!

“Talk to Tamara” Relationship Advice Column in Eydis Magazine!

I was also approached to write a monthly relationship  advice column in Eydis Magazine where I will be answering readers’ questions on love and relationships. This is perfectly in line with my desire to help others find everlasting love!

Read my very first answer to one reader’s question: “Should I stay, or do i go?”

Do you have questions on love you would like answered? Email me your burning questions on love, dating and relationships at tamaragreen4u@gmail.com and I will be sure to address them in future issues! 

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples – Part 3: 7 Powerful Tips on How To Get Some Of That Intimacy!

Happy New Year!! May 2016 be a year filled with outrageously delicious love and happiness! Keep reading and improve your chances for delicious love and happiness by following my powerful tips on increasing relationship intimacy.

This is the third in a 3-part series titled, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples. In last week’s blog, I explained the 4 main culprits for erosion of intimacy: 1) Unintentionally hurting each other, 2) Over reactivity or drama, 3) Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome, and 4) Taking each other for granted. Today, I will share powerful tips on how to get some juicy emotional and trusting intimacy flowing in your relationship, which are key to a long-lasting loving partnership.

7 Powerful Tips on How To Get Some Of That Intimacy!

  1. Imagine Intimacy Imagination is powerful because beneath the images of the mind, you can tap into the realm of possibility. Like a goal or a dream, envision what you want with your partner. Then, be grateful NOW for what you’ve envisioned, before it actualizes. Gratitude is key because it’s the gateway to welcoming it into your life.
  1. Be Trusting and Trustworthy Author, John Gottman, has spent much of his career researching and writing about the behaviors of couples. He reports that trust is built in a culmination of lots of little moments between 2 people. An example of this would be a husband saying to his wife, “Sweetie, I see that you are having a tough time right now. What do you need? How can I help you?” Or, a wife telling her husband, “Thank you for fixing the wobbly door knob. It’s things like this that make my day run a little easier.” Another interesting trust-builder is asking for help. These seemingly small gestures are great for building a trusting relationship.
  1. Be vulnerable, honest and authentic – If you’re struggling, say so. It’s an amazing opportunity for intimacy with your partner. Here’s what vulnerability, honesty and authenticity sounds like, “Honey, I’m really upset about something and I need a sounding board. Can you help me by listening to my problem and let me know if I’m over reacting?” By letting your partner into your world, he or she feels included and helpful while you feel taken care of. All of this fosters wonderful intimacy.
  1. Pause, feel and breathe – This tip is especially for those couples that tend to have drama in their relationship. Whenever you feel stressed and ready to spew your reactive comments at your partner, do these 3 things instead: 1) Pause- stop what you are doing/saying; 2) Notice how you feel- acknowledge to yourself how you feel. Labeling your feeling is the 1st step to calming down; and 3) Take 10 deep breaths– getting oxygen in your system always begins the calming process. In Part 1 of this series, you learned about the over-reactive Amygdala in your brain. Pausing, feeling and breathing is giving your frontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, a chance to be in charge instead of your ‘fight-or-flight Amygdala’.
  1. Blame-free zone – Have a place in your home where you and your partner agree is the “Blame-Free Zone”. This is a safe room (or part of a room or area) where absolutely no judgments, criticisms, verbal attacks are allowed. This is your place to have “pauses”, fun, and relaxation. This zone is the area where you and your partner can re-group, giving you the opportunity to change your patterns of drama and repetitive arguments.
  1. Have a practice of communication. Next time you have a meal together, turn off your cell phones and just talk. Take turns asking questions and take turns listening. True communication is more about listening than offering suggestions and solutions and sounds something like this:

“I had a stressful day at work today.”

“Why, what happened?”

“There was a last-minute change that I had to make in my presentation.”

“Wow! How’d you handle that?”

“I was able to pull it off, but I had to reschedule my lunch plans with a prospective client to make it happen.”

“But you did it. That’s fantastic!”

In this conversation, you can see that the communication included active listening and support, which is key for intimacy.

  1. Get professional help – Sometimes, couples need extra help to get to an improved state of intimacy. The following are list of ways you can save your relationship:

· See a marriage counselor or relationship coach

· Go to a personal growth course together.

· Attend a meditation retreat together.

Any of these suggestions can be the very thing that turns your relationship around for the better.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire. – Tamara Green, LCSW

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 2- The 4 Culprits To Eroding intimacy

In last week’s blog, I explained the different types of intimacy: Intellectual, Energetic or experiential, Emotional, and Sexual. Today, I will share the top 4 culprits of intimacy erosion in relationships:

4 Main Culprits To Eroding Relationship Intimacy

1. Unintentionally hurting each other

Unless you or your partner has tendencies of passive aggressive or sociopathic behaviors, you really don’t intend to hurt one another. In fact, you probably have the same relationship goals of happiness, peace and joy. Then why do couples hurt each other? The answer is that one or both of you are in fear or pain. In fact, the amount of unresolved fear or pain that you feel is the amount of pain that you inflict or project onto one another. For example, I worked with a client who had a childhood history of sexual molestation. It left her feeling trapped and overwhelmed for years. She unintentionally carried these fears into her adult romantic relationships. It wasn’t unusual for her to suddenly announce, without too much provocation from her partner, that the relationship was over, leaving the poor guy confused and left wondering, “What the heck just happened?!” When her fears were triggered, this ‘coping mechanism’ of fleeing the relationship felt mighty powerful. However, with professional help and a ton of inner work, she finally resolved her fears of being trapped and overwhelmed and now has a thriving and loving marriage.

2. Over-reactivity or drama

When triggered, do you and/or your partner fight or flee, or both?

Let me explain why the fight or flight phenomena exists. You have more than one almond-shaped area of your brain called the Amygdala. Its job is to sense, prepare and deal with perceived danger via fight or flight. The Amygdala stores memories of trauma and upset from your past. Therefore, 99.9% of the time, the pattern that’s being set off has nothing to do with what’s actually happening between you and your partner in the present moment. As soon as “danger” is perceived, your Amygdala takes over your sensible frontal cortex section of your brain.

In romantic relationships, it usually doesn’t take much for the Amygdala to become triggered. Before your rational mind has a chance to engage, the Amygdala has already done its quick and dirty work (slammed doors, screamed obscenities, given threats to leave and even verbal and physical abuse). And if that’s not enough, the Amygdala gets addicted to the flood of emotional chemicals that course through your body. So, each time you have to get angrier, scream louder or become more abusive to get that rush of chemical soup throughout your system.

In the end, the only real danger is that of losing your wonderful relationship!

3.  Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome

 Couples who don’t authentically communicate regularly often experience this particular kind of intimacy erosion. They avoid difficult topics and steer clear of disturbing the apple cart. It’s as if there’s a white elephant in the middle of the living room, but no one’s talking about it because it’ll upset the relationship status quo. For example, I have worked with a number of clients who try to avoid the topic of their partner’s addiction problem. They fear that if they bring it up, it’ll either shatter their loved one or their relationship. It takes courage to talk about difficult subjects, but in the end, it’s the only chance for a happy partnership. My job with these clients is to support them through their fears of speaking up and to stop tiptoeing around the issue. No one ever moved an elephant by walking around it. No, you have to walk right up to it and confront it to get it to move.

4. Taking each other for granted

 How many times have I seen relationships fail because they take each other for granted. Appreciating the little things that your partner does is vitally important for you to recognize and acknowledge, preferably everyday. Not doing so is a relationship killer. Couples who have a practice of gratitude never take each other for granted.

Homework for the week:

For the next 7 days, be in the practice of sitting with your fears and pain. Take 10 deep breaths whenever you feel triggered in any way. Complement yourself for sitting with your feelings because this is not easy to do.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 3- How Do I Get Some Of That Intimacy?

 Need relationship advice right away, even before the holidays are over? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your heartbreak. By clicking here you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire. – Tamara Green, LCSW

 

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 1- What Is Intimacy?

I’d like to say that the holidays bring out the best in couples, but unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case for many. During this time of extended family visits, increased spending and busy-ness, the spirit of the holidays often take a back seat to stress and overwhelm. Of course, this stress affects relationships and healthy intimacy tends to take a back seat, too.

Welcome to my 3-part holiday series, where I give the low-down on intimacy. This is to help you and your partner get through the holidays not only intact, but also in a loving and healthy way. In week 1, I’ll explain what intimacy is. In week 2, I’ll share with you the main culprits that erode intimacy. In week 3, I’ll reveal the secrets to how you can experience lasting, fun and juicy intimacy in your relationship, not only for this holiday season, but also for the years to come. Last, I’ll give you a homework assignment each week that will amp up your level of relationship intimacy. Let’s get started.

 What is intimacy?

Intimacy is one of the most precious commodities we have in relationships. It’s something that takes time, is a process and journey that two people take together. There are 4 different types of intimacy:

Intellectual intimacy

An exchange and/or support of each other’s thoughts, ideas and opinions. This involves verbal communication.

I’ll use my mother and step-father as an example for this. Every Sunday, they would read the Times while drinking coffee during the morning hours. Then at lunch or dinner, they would discuss what they read, which sometimes turned into a friendly debate. They enjoyed these exchanges because they had a chance to share their opinions and ideas with one another. As the witness to their intellectual intimacy, I enjoyed it, too.

 Energetic or experiential intimacy

When a couple engages in mutual activities. This usually does not involve verbal communication, but rather energetic synergy.

 I’ll share my own personal example of this type of intimacy. Since 2012, my husband and I have produced guided meditations for our Miracle Mondays Meditations community. We quietly sit together – I write and use my voice to guide the meditations while he composes the beautiful music and produces the products. The result – powerful and transformative meditation audios and videos.

Back in the 90’s, we used to invent personalized songs for kids who were in the hospital with cancer. I wrote the lyrics and sang while my husband composed the music and burned CD’s for each child. Creating together is a ‘cloud-9’ experience for us. It has always felt amazing to have this generative energy flowing between us.

 Emotional intimacy

Sharing your feelings and a desire to understand the feelings of your partner. This involves both verbal and non-verbal communication.

 Couples must have a level of trust and comfort with each other to be able to share their vulnerabilities. If one or both are over reactive, it will most likely shut down this level of intimacy. Several years ago, I was working with a couple that really wanted more emotional intimacy but their relationship was ingrained in reactive patterns of communication. He would often roll his eyes when she shared her feelings and she would criticize him for not meeting her needs. Step-by-step, we examined their cycles of destructive verbal and non-verbal habits and replaced them with healthy behaviors of active listening, compassionate rapport and empathetic-type body language. Their hard work paid off as their relationship is now flourishing.

Sexual intimacy

Any form of sensual expression toward or for one another. This involves physical and non-physical communication.

Most people think of intimacy as being only sexual, but as you can see, it’s not only about sex. Examples of non-physical sexual intimacy include talking about sex before having it and revealing sexual fantasies to one another. Examples of physical sexual intimacy include, hugging, kissing, massage, sensual touch, oral sex and intercourse.

When couples end up in my office due to marital problems, it’s not unusual for me to hear that sex is an issue. One of the main reasons for this is because men and women often experience sexual intimacy very differently. For example, men tend to form more of an emotional bond with their partner after sex, while women desire the emotional bonding in order to have sex. Once couples understand this innate and very common difference, and if they can compromise a little to meet the other’s needs, their sexual intimacy problems tend to disappear.

Homework for the week: For the next 7 days, tell your partner everyday at least 1 thing about them that turns you on. Go ahead, have some fun! 😉

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 2- What Are The Main Culprits To Eroding Intimacy?

 Need relationship advice in a jiffy? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your heartbreak. By clicking here you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Cutting The Strings And Starting Over: How An Artist’s Masterpiece Reveals The Universal Laws

This blog is in honor of 2 amazing women – Abby Raphel, founder of The Roundtable, and Jana Flynn, a remarkable artist.

a and jBack in October, I was fortunate to be asked by Abby to speak and join in at her Roundtable event. Sitting next to me was a stunning string sculpture and the artist who created it, Jana. (See photo: Jana is on the left and Abby is on the right). So moved by her talent and her inspiring words, I asked Jana to write a description of her sculptures and the creative process she experiences. Here is Jana’s ‘artist statement’:

“My sculptures are geometrical structures created from methodical counting.  I see these pieces as alters, weaving thread on varying circular planes to create a layered mandala. They are built upon the concept of sacred geometry, and the idea that some kind of ‘perfection’ can be found within mathematical patterns.” (She other photos)

 “These pieces involve tremendous labor, detail, and time. Building the work requires a focused, meditative state, otherwise an error, a missed thread, will throw off the whole pattern and structure. Creating the sculptures is a kind of private performance, although the “performance”, or process, is in service of connecting with a state of being, rather than directly for an audience. The resulting work is a residue, or record, of an intimate meditation that I hope will continue to hold the quiet intention of its building.”

Isn’t it interesting that Jana’s description actually reflect what life is really all about – patterns, labor, focus, creating and a state of being? The Universal Laws are what life is all about, too. I am a devotee of these Laws and live by them with as much awareness as I am able. Let’s take some of Jana’s words and match them to their corresponding Universal Laws. I do this as a way of showing how we integrate these powerful Laws into our lives all the time, without necessarily realizing it. (Note: The definitions of these Laws are from my upcoming book, launching in 2016):

The Corresponding Universal Laws

1) “Perfection [found within] patterns” corresponds to the…

Law of Rhythm: Life is a series of seasons, cycles and patterns. What goes up must come down and vice versa. During the “negative” part of a cycle, a Master knows how to rise above it by focusing on the benefits of what’s to come.

 At one point, one of the Roundtable participants asked Jana, “What do you do when you’ve made a mistake with the placement of your string?” She answered, “I cut the strings and start over.” She said this in a matter-of-fact kind of way, which gave me the impression that mistakes are not the end of the world, but rather part of the artistic process. This way-of-being is in complete alignment with the Law of Rhythm.

2) “These pieces involve tremendous labor, detail, and time” corresponds to the…

Law of Gender: Every idea or seed has a gestation or incubation period. Have total faith that your goals will actualize in physical form when the time is right.

 Jana had a goal of creating this piece of art to the Roundtable community for that October evening. It took time and work and what materialized is, well, awe-inspiring.

3)Focused, meditative state” and “creating” corresponds to the …

Law of Perpetual Transmutation: Energy constantly moves into physical form. Where your mind goes, energy goes. The images you hold in your mind often materialize in your life. Energy follows thought and intention.

Jana’s visions of her piece certainly moved it into physical form.

4) ‘Private performance’ corresponds to the…

Law of Action: What materializes in your physical world is a result of your actions. If your actions and behaviors stem from fear, what materialized may disappoint you. If your actions and behaviors stem from love, what materializes may astound you.

Seems to me that the “result of Jana’s actions” is love.

5) “State of being” corresponds to the…

Law of Cause and Effect: Nothing happens by chance or outside Universal Laws. Your every action, including thought, has a consequence. This is also referred to as the Law of the Circle. Energy is magnetized and used and always returns to it’s original sender. For example, if one receives happy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a constructive way. If one receives unhappy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a destructive way. You reap what you sow.

The energy that Jana puts into her art not only has beneficial effects on her but on every heart and soul that is lucky enough to experience her creations.

Thank you!

Abby, I feel blessed to have been asked to speak at your wonderful Roundtable event. Your talent as a facilitator of deep and meaningful conversation is just one of your true gifts. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it.

Jana, you have inspired me through your art. Thank you for allowing me to share your talents to my readers.

Abby Raphel is a facilitator of conversations that lead to discovering purpose and taking action. She is the founder of The Redwoods Initiative, an education company focused on personal growth, business acumen and communication. She has engaged with the country’s top enterprising families, thousands of youth and is an emerging leader in the field of personal development. She promotes her creative process through Blank Canvas, The Bold Bag Mindset, Purpose Salons, Profiles of Purpose, The Unstoppable You Workshop and The Roundtable. Abby has a Master’s from NYU’s Gallatin – focusing on the intersection of education, psychology and curriculum development. She is from rural Florida and lives in NYC as an adoring dog-mom to her yellow lab, Alfredo.

The Roundtable: A dynamic group of 24 women in business who connect and provide feedback in a safe community with a goal of personal and professional development.

Jana Flynn’s art bio:

Born in San Francisco in 1980, Jana studied Painting, Drawing and Ceramics at San Francisco State University where she earned her BFA in 2003. In 2009 Jana received her MFA from Parsons The New School where she was awarded a Graduate Dean’s Scholarship. She has exhibited in galleries nationally, and her work has been presented at an number of international art fairs including Pulse NY and Aqua Miami. Jana’s work has been reviewed in the San Francisco Chronicle, Ethsix Magazine, and Dislocate Magazine. Additionally, she has participated in a number of artist residencies including a fellowship at the Jentel Artist Residency Program in Wyoming, and a year-long residency at the San Francisco based non-profit, Red Ink studios.

Jana’s graphic design website: http://www.jlfstudio.com/

 

 

 

Getting On Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ With The Art Of Sexy Holiday Flirting


The Holidays are a perfect time for sexy flirting. Whether single or partnered, you can have fun getting on Santa’s ‘naughty’ list by performing the very effective art of sexy flirting.

Men love flirty gestures. They feel admired and get the validation they need to approach you. Don’t think that flirting is just for the singles, though. It adds so much excitement and pleasure for partners, as well. It’s easy for couples to get into a rut and forget the fun and spicy side of their relationship, especially when trying to raise a family and hold down challenging careers. Flirting, smiling, being daring and trying something new releases some wonderful ‘happy hormones’ and can have some very positive and amazing results, so don’t hold back.

Flirting, however, takes guts and confidence. It means you have to be light-hearted and open to fun and new experiences. Therefore, you may get nervous because you are stepping out of your routine and comfort zone. That’s OK, just take a few deep breaths and do it anyway. Trust me, your efforts will be well worth it.

For a quick and easy boost to your confidence, especially if you are painfully shy, check out my very active and fun guided meditation called Sexy Irresistible YOU, which is currently 50% off during our holiday special. Doing so will activate the powerful and magnificent sexy YOU!

Here are some hot flirting tips to ramp up your sex appeal – Ooh La La!!

Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Singles:
  • At a gathering, smile at a guy that’s caught your eye from across the room, look away then smile at him again. He’ll keep his eyes glued onto you, for sure! Keep it up until he walks over to you.
  • Men are visual and love the adventure of surprise, so write a question on a cocktail napkin and slide it across the table or bar right to him. Make sure you’re smiling while doing this. Extra brownie points for making the gutsy move of winking, as well. What you write could be as simple as, “Nice shirt you’re wearing!”
  • This one definitely takes guts, but it’s very effective. Let your admiration show by using your eyes to take-in every inch of that hunk you’d like to meet from across the room. Start with their feet moving up very slowly and deliberately until you reach their eyes, at which point you smile, nod your head in approval, and give him a ‘thumbs up.’ Let him know that you like what you see. Then, count the seconds it takes for him to introduce himself to you.
  • Can’t go quite that bold, yet? Try this one then. Wherever you’re sitting, cross your legs and make sure the foot of your leg on top is pointed in the direction of that man you’re interested in meeting. Bob your foot up and down while looking in his direction. Let him know that you are “pointing” at him.
  • Spice things up and wear red. There are many shades of red, so pick one that’s perfect for your skin tone. Again, men are visual. Studies show that men find women who wear red as very attractive. Also, show a little skin with a scooped or ‘V’ neckline. Wear a dress and show your legs. Come on! It’s the Holidays, so wear something festive and slightly revealing! Don’t go too far, though. Stay away from the slutty look, unless you’re only interested in a one-night hookup.
Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Couples:
  • During holiday parties, show up separately and pretend you don’t know each other. Then, pick each other up. Have fun using pick-up lines like, “Have we met before?” or “What’s your sign?”
  • Imagine your partner as your favorite dessert. While licking your lips, say to him something like, “Later, I’m going to devour you like my favorite Tiramisu!” Scrumptious!
  • At a family gathering or office party, get the juices flowing by telling your partner that you bought him a “surprise” or “naughty” gift that has to be opened in private…”later”. Wink, wink 😉
  • Tell your handsome hunk how delicious he looks, how sexy he is and how he turns you on. More winking!
  • Be alluring by playing with your hair or jewelry while listening intently to your guy.
  • Get an App for couples. Go ahead and Google “Apps for lovers” and see what’s out there for sexy and fun messaging with your special someone.
  • Ask questions you don’t normally ask, such as, “What’s your wildest fantasy? I’d like to help you fulfill it.”
  • Get ‘in the mood’ by giving a foot rub to your partner. This lowers the energy out of that stinkin’ thinkin’ head (the upper one). At the same time, tell him how much he turns you on or what you plan to do to him after the foot rub. Anticipation is a great way to get the energy flowing in the ‘right’ places.

This holiday, be sugar and spice and everything nice. Practice the art of sexy flirting to make sure you make Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ and have fun while doing it!!

 

 

 

The Power Of Visualization: Attracting The Relationship Of Your Dreams

Have you ever fantasized about being with the partner of your dreams? If so, then you have already tapped into the tool that can help you actualize this in real life. Visualization, the kind that involves imagining success in love, has long been employed by professional athletes to create amazing results. Research is showing that many professions are already using the tools of visualization quite effectively – surgeons use it to possess laser focus; musicians use it to improve their performance; and business executives use it to ace a presentation. Many use it to stay on their diets to lose weight. You too, you can use visualization to call in your beloved and to experience the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

How Visualization Works

Your brain believes what you imagine. Brain science reveals that you experience real-world and imaginary actions in similar ways. For example, whether you are acing an event or only picturing it, you activate many of the same neural networks and pathways of nerve cells that link your body to the brain impulses that control it. What’s on your mind screen stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, which activates an increase in heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure. Just by envisioning a movement, such as holding hands with your partner-to-be, elicits nervous-system responses of that same action.

Tweet: As you visualize, so it becomes. – Tamara Green, LCSW

Go ahead and imagine yourself holding the hand of your beloved – as if it’s happening right now. Then, get even more detailed in your visualization. As if you are watching a scene or interaction of your beloved in your own movie – where you are the star. Let all your senses come alive. What are you feeling, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching in this beautiful scene? Are you walking hand-in-hand on a gorgeous beach while on vacation together? Are you in a kitchen making dinner and laughing hysterically? Maybe it’s a quiet scene where both of you are cuddled up on the couch reading books?

Allow yourself to really surrender into this visualization, sensing it and feeling it all. It feels good, right? To make this extra powerful, visualize this everyday for at least 2 minutes. Add in more details each time and increase your imagination play to 5 minutes per day. Smile and bask in the feelings of joy and peace, and of feeling so deeply loved and adored by your partner.

The more you envision, the more you activate your emotions to match the scene on your mind screen. The more detailed you get in your visualization with your beloved, the more familiar you become to achieving it because you are creating new neuro pathways in your brain. Plus, your nervous system reaps the benefits: increase in calm and confidence and decrease in heart rate and stress hormones. So, what are you waiting for? Give visualization a try!

To make it super easy for you, Tamara packaged together her 10 most popular meditations into one album. Listed below are the powerful and transformative meditations in this album that’ll help you visualize the loving relationship that you deserve:

Loving Meditation Experience 10 Meditation Bundle

  • Activate Your Happiness
  • Get What You Desire
  • Forgive Yourself
  • Healing To Wholeness
  • Loving You
  • Receive The Love You Deserve
  • Set Your Heart Free
  • Sexy Irresistible You
  • Stress Relief NOW
  • Blissful Sleep

Holiday Sale Starts Now!

The Holiday Season is approaching, so give this gift of love to yourself or to a friend or family member. From now until January 1, 2016, all of Tamara’s products are 50% off. Enjoy!

MY 3 THRILLING ANNOUNCEMENTS!

One magWow! What a week of pure excitement!!! I feel honored… I feel like breaking out in a Happy Dance every 5 minutes… I feel grateful… I feel like kicking up my heels in glee!! Why? Because I’ve made the front page of major magazines 3 times – ALL IN ONE WEEK!

If you share the following with your friends on social media, then I’ll feel double grateful!!

Cover Photo and Article One Mag!

In this cover article, it’s my own love story and so much more. Feeling very vulnerable, I decided to go for it and reveal my childhood history of sexual abuse and how it brought me to the brink of ending my life. You’ll want to read it and discover how I turned my challenges into the most precious gifts of my life – my family.

http://www.onemag.biz/download.html

Home Page of YourTango.com

This blog is about how to avoid your next fight with your partner. I have used this strategy in my own marriage – AND IT WORKS!

3 Important Things You Can Learn From Couples Who Never Fight, EVER.

Again, Home Page of YourTango.com

This video is the 4th (out of 5) in a series with John Gray, PhD. Us relationship experts give great tips on keeping your relationships healthy and fun. Clever Ways To Connect With Your Spouse (Even When Life Is Hectic).

Don’t forget, I’ll feel double-grateful if you share my writings and videos with your friends on social media! Thank you!!

 

3 Surprising Ways To Attract Your Soul Mate

sunset-hair

Are you still single and desperate to have a profoundly loving relationship? What feelings does this bring up for you? Happy? Probably not. You may be worried and upset that your soul mate is still nowhere to be found. That means that your, what I call, Love Vibration, is low. To attract your beloved, it’s very helpful to have a high Love Vibration at least 20% of the time.

To give an example on how to raise your Love Vibration, I’d would like to share a dialogue I had with my new client, Ariane, who agreed for me to share this with you:

Ariane: (feeling low) “I’m still working on myself so that I can attract the love that I want so badly.”

Tamara: “Hmmmm, working on yourself, huh? How’s that going?

Ariane: It’s a lot of work because I still get easily triggered. I certainly got triggered a lot in my last relationship.

Tamara:Triggered?

Ariane:Yes, I was a bit controlling, wanting to know his every move. He couldn’t take it anymore and that’s why he left me. I’m not going to let that happen again so I’m working on being more chill, more calm and not so reactive. But, I have a long ways to go.”

Tamara: “Feel what it feels like to believe that you ‘have to work on yourself and that you have a long ways to go.’ How does that feel, heavy or light?”

Ariane: “Wow! I feel really heavy. Doesn’t feel very good.”

Tamara: “If you’re operating from the energy of ‘working on yourself’, it’s like saying to the Universe, I’m not OK as I am, I have to work on myself. The Universe says, You’re perfect just the way you are, but if you’re saying that you have to work on yourself, then we’ll give you more stuff to work on. And, that’s exactly what happens, you get tons more evidence that keeps you believing and saying, Yep, see? I still need to work on myself!”

“Imagine that you’re looking at a pyramid, like the ones in Egypt. See the layers, or steps, of that pyramid as different levels of energy vibration. The higher you go on the pyramid, the higher the energy vibration. If you operate from the vibration of ‘needing to work on yourself’, you’re probably about 2/3rd’s down on that pyramid, and you’ll continue to get tons of evidence that keep you in that same layer or step. In other words, you remain in the energy of ‘working on yourself’, and you won’t be able to get up to the next step, or higher layer of vibration.

Ariane: “I didn’t think of it that way. How do I get out of that layer of ‘working on myself’ and move up to a higher vibration?”

 Surprising Tip #1 on raising your Love Vibration:

Compliment wonderful YOU  –  Acknowledge yourself for what’s really great about you. Even when you’re emotionally stuck or upset, find something to complement yourself for. For example, I got out of bed today, yay! Or, I brushed my teeth today, yahoo! Or, I got dressed today, hallelujah!! Making it seemingly ridiculous can get you laughing and feeling lighter in no time. So keep complementing yourself – constantly. The more the merrier!

 Tamara: “Ariane, tell me something that you can compliment yourself for.”

Ariane: “I’ve become more disciplined about writing in my journal, which has actually been helpful to me.”

Tamara: “Great! How’s that feel?”

Ariane: “It feels good to say this, to acknowledge it.”

Tamara: “Good, give me another one.”

Ariane: “I am more aware now than I was before.”

Tamara: “Fantastic! How’s that feel?”

Ariane: “Really good, actually.”

Tamara: “That’s because you are raising your energy vibration by focusing on what’s good about you, by acknowledging you – by complimenting you.

Ariane: Thanks Tamara!

1 Day Later…

Here’s the email I got from Ariane after her coaching session:

“Hi Tamara, I can’t tell you what a ‘ah ha’ you gave me yesterday. I always thought that ‘working on myself’ was a good thing, that it was helping me. But, it really did feel heavy, overwhelming and even endless. I guess that’s because it was – endless. I’ve been complimenting myself ever since our conversation and I feel really good. In fact, I was laughing last night because I complimented myself on eating only 3 cookies instead of the entire package. Normally, just eating 1 cookie would send me down a path of self judgment, Oh no, I need to work on this, I promised myself no more cookies and here I go again! But this time, I decided to compliment myself on eating only 3. It was easier to feel better in no time and I lost my cravings for more cookies! Thanks Tamara for giving me new awareness on how to raise my love vibration.”

And thank you Ariane for sharing this inspiring email with all of us!

Surprising Tip #2 on raising your Love Vibration:

Compliment Others – Studies are showing that complementing others activate the pleasure-center in the brain. It feels good to complement others. Again, the focus is on what you like or love about them, rather than what you don’t like. Whether you complement them in your mind or out loud, it doesn’t matter. Complementing them feels good to you and raises your Love Vibration up to the next step up on that pyramid.

Surprising Tip #3 on raising your Love Vibration:

Compliment What’s Around You  – Compliment nature, the air you breathe, the oceans on this planet, the animals, the sky and the clouds. Also, compliment your body, and how it breathes without you having to think about it, how the muscles work without one thought from you and how your organs keep functioning on your behalf. Compliment your angels and guidance realms. Say, Hey, you guys are really cool. No matter how I feel, you are always there to love and guide me, even when I’m not listening! Thank you! Compliment what you normally take for granted. Doing so increases your awareness to what’s around you and to the fact that the Universe is gifting you all the time. When you’re in awareness, you are tuned to your Highest Self, which raises your Love Vibration even more.

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Make a habit of these surprising tips for raising your Love Vibration. Eventually, you will rewire your mind, habits and behaviors and activate your true nature and actualize authentic love for you, your life, and those around you. Complimenting comes from the source of love. When you operate from love and not fear, life becomes magical. And, BTW… when you raise your Love Vibration, don’t be surprised that your soul mate appears.

Exciting News!! To raise your Love Vibration instantly and powerfully, you’ll want to listen to this power-packed audio bundle called Loving Meditation Experience 10-Meditations

With these downloadable guided meditations, you have access to your very own copy of the 10-Day Loving Meditation Experience. Tamara guides you on a journey uncovering and communing with the real YOU (your Highest Self), manifest your deepest desires, and tap into your pure potential for emotional and physical healing as well as Loving Relationships. For the next 24-hours, you will own this bundle for 75% off it’s original price – $8.75. 

3 Action Steps Now To Stop The Next Round Of Arguments

Upset_Couple_Sitting_On_Bed_Se_cropped

There you go again. You and your partner fell into that awful pattern of yelling, negativity and even threats of leaving the relationship. You both are miserable but can’t quite figure out how to fix this problem. This has been going on for far too long and you are both sick of it, yet perplexed on how to solve this frustrating and endless cycle.

Even though things may have calmed down, you need an action plan now to help prevent the next round of arguments. Your next fight just may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and ends your relationship for good.

As a couple’s counselor for over 27 years, I can say with absolute conviction that this action plan works. I guarantee that if, starting today, you follow this plan to the tee, you will stop this relationship-killing pattern and completely turn things around. Is it an easy plan of action? No. Is it worth it? A resounding yes! But then, our most challenging patterns turn out to be our greatest lessons in life, right?

Take These 3 Action Steps To Prevent The Next Round Of Arguments:

1. Take full responsibility for your part in the argument.

It’s time to get humble, authentic and honest. Leave your victim-type thoughts and words out of this conversation. Victim consciousness includes blaming, judgments, criticisms, complaints and accusations. This step requires you to own up to your part, NOT THEIR PART, only yours. Make a list of your behaviors and words during the argument that you are not proud of. This takes guts but you can do it, especially if you want to stop this crazy pattern that you and your partner are in. Use your list to create your ‘I’m taking responsibility’ statements.

Here’s an example of what you could say to your partner: “Now that things are calm between us, I’d like to take responsibility for my part in our argument. I was blaming you for ___(fill in the blank)___ and that wasn’t helpful or kind. I am sorry for saying what I said. I have decided that I need to work on my habit of blaming. Please forgive me. I don’t want this to ever happen again, so I’m making a commitment to work on changing it.” Extra kudos points if you tell your partner what you are committed to do to make sure you will not do this again: start therapy, take an online course, do a workshop, read a self-help book, take up meditation, etc.

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.
2. Commit to the 90-10% Rule.

Spend 90% of your time and focus looking at your behaviors and emotions versus your partners. Instead of looking at what they need to change, you make a commitment to changing you. Spend 10% of your time focused on the relationship and on your partner. 90% you – 10% your partner. The interesting thing is, the more time you spend loving and honoring you, the more able you are to authentically love your partner. In other words, your partner benefits tremendously when you are taking care of yourself.

By the way, this 90-10% rule also works great in other areas of your life. For example, if you are an entrepreneur, spend 90% of the time working on you and 10% of the time working on your business. The 90-10% is a secret to success and happiness. 

3. Make a daily and forever practice of gratitude.

This one tip has saved marriages on the brink of divorce, so this is yet another powerful part of the action plan. What you focus on is what you experience. So please stop focusing on what you don’t like or want anymore. Be in the practice of telling your partner at least 3 things about them that you are grateful for – every single day. Tell them what you admire, what you love about them and what they do that makes you feel happy and special. That way, you’ll get more of what you love about them and less of what you don’t.

Same goes with you. Everyday, tell yourself at least 3 things of what you love and admire about yourself. In other words, compliment yourself – a lot!

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.