Happy New Year!! May 2016 be a year filled with outrageously delicious love and happiness! Keep reading and improve your chances for delicious love and happiness by following my powerful tips on increasing relationship intimacy.
This is the third in a 3-part series titled, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples. In last week’s blog, I explained the 4 main culprits for erosion of intimacy: 1) Unintentionally hurting each other, 2) Over reactivity or drama, 3) Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome, and 4) Taking each other for granted. Today, I will share powerful tips on how to get some juicy emotional and trusting intimacy flowing in your relationship, which are key to a long-lasting loving partnership.
7 Powerful Tips on How To Get Some Of That Intimacy!
- Imagine Intimacy – Imagination is powerful because beneath the images of the mind, you can tap into the realm of possibility. Like a goal or a dream, envision what you want with your partner. Then, be grateful NOW for what you’ve envisioned, before it actualizes. Gratitude is key because it’s the gateway to welcoming it into your life.
- Be Trusting and Trustworthy – Author, John Gottman, has spent much of his career researching and writing about the behaviors of couples. He reports that trust is built in a culmination of lots of little moments between 2 people. An example of this would be a husband saying to his wife, “Sweetie, I see that you are having a tough time right now. What do you need? How can I help you?” Or, a wife telling her husband, “Thank you for fixing the wobbly door knob. It’s things like this that make my day run a little easier.” Another interesting trust-builder is asking for help. These seemingly small gestures are great for building a trusting relationship.
- Be vulnerable, honest and authentic – If you’re struggling, say so. It’s an amazing opportunity for intimacy with your partner. Here’s what vulnerability, honesty and authenticity sounds like, “Honey, I’m really upset about something and I need a sounding board. Can you help me by listening to my problem and let me know if I’m over reacting?” By letting your partner into your world, he or she feels included and helpful while you feel taken care of. All of this fosters wonderful intimacy.
- Pause, feel and breathe – This tip is especially for those couples that tend to have drama in their relationship. Whenever you feel stressed and ready to spew your reactive comments at your partner, do these 3 things instead: 1) Pause- stop what you are doing/saying; 2) Notice how you feel- acknowledge to yourself how you feel. Labeling your feeling is the 1st step to calming down; and 3) Take 10 deep breaths– getting oxygen in your system always begins the calming process. In Part 1 of this series, you learned about the over-reactive Amygdala in your brain. Pausing, feeling and breathing is giving your frontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, a chance to be in charge instead of your ‘fight-or-flight Amygdala’.
- Blame-free zone – Have a place in your home where you and your partner agree is the “Blame-Free Zone”. This is a safe room (or part of a room or area) where absolutely no judgments, criticisms, verbal attacks are allowed. This is your place to have “pauses”, fun, and relaxation. This zone is the area where you and your partner can re-group, giving you the opportunity to change your patterns of drama and repetitive arguments.
- Have a practice of communication. Next time you have a meal together, turn off your cell phones and just talk. Take turns asking questions and take turns listening. True communication is more about listening than offering suggestions and solutions and sounds something like this:
“I had a stressful day at work today.”
“Why, what happened?”
“There was a last-minute change that I had to make in my presentation.”
“Wow! How’d you handle that?”
“I was able to pull it off, but I had to reschedule my lunch plans with a prospective client to make it happen.”
“But you did it. That’s fantastic!”
In this conversation, you can see that the communication included active listening and support, which is key for intimacy.
- Get professional help – Sometimes, couples need extra help to get to an improved state of intimacy. The following are list of ways you can save your relationship:
· See a marriage counselor or relationship coach
· Go to a personal growth course together.
· Attend a meditation retreat together.
Any of these suggestions can be the very thing that turns your relationship around for the better.
Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!
The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire. – Tamara Green, LCSW