Tag Archives: mindfulness

Happy Thanksgiving from Me to You!

In America, we love to say “thank you” on our most wonderful holiday – Thanksgiving. However, I want to seize this opportunity to express my gratitude to all of my readers from all every corner of the globe. You mean the world to me. I appreciate your integrity, interests and passions in whatever you do. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving!

– Tamara and her Loving Relationship Team

Please enjoy the grateful, fun and inspiring words of blogger, Marta Edmisten.

I am thankful for all the beauty that I can now find-almost every day.

I am thankful for the smiles of strangers and the gift of witnessing the wisdom of my dog. (I seriously doubt I’ll ever be able to consistently live in the moment as he does, or be so unabashedly all about love… I’m not ruling it out though.)

I am thankful that I still walk this earth. It is a luxury.

I am thankful for all the people who have loved and supported me – family, friends and people I’ve never met, especially those who never gave up on me even when I had.

I am thankful for the people who have given me the privilege of loving and supporting them.

I am thankful for everyone who has forgiven me when I screwed up royally.

I am thankful all the people (famous and unknown) who have fought tirelessly for the rights and dignities of others, animals and our planet.

I am thankful for every, book, movie, piece of art that brings me joy – better yet, makes me think.

I’m plain old thankful!

Soon, I hope, I’ll be thankful for:

  • A basic understanding of my computer and punctuation. 🙂
  • Being able to prepare food that is more often tasty than not.
  • Not running out of milk for my coffee in the morning, OR learning to enjoy my coffee straight up. (Marta-mornings are NOT pretty without coffee!)
  • Being thankful every day.

With Love and Gratitude,

Marta

 

The energy of gratitude is the gateway to positive change. – Tamara Green, Lovingly Relationship Expert

This photo shows Marta’s tattoo on her arm. Don’t you love it?

change tattoo

Marta lives in Brooklyn, NY with her dog BullyBean.marta-edmisten

To Show My Thanks, Get 50% Off All of My Products!

To show my thanks and appreciation for you,  you can get all of my products for 50% off from now until January 2016! Enjoy!

 Click here to SHOP NOW.

The Power Of Visualization: Attracting The Relationship Of Your Dreams

Have you ever fantasized about being with the partner of your dreams? If so, then you have already tapped into the tool that can help you actualize this in real life. Visualization, the kind that involves imagining success in love, has long been employed by professional athletes to create amazing results. Research is showing that many professions are already using the tools of visualization quite effectively – surgeons use it to possess laser focus; musicians use it to improve their performance; and business executives use it to ace a presentation. Many use it to stay on their diets to lose weight. You too, you can use visualization to call in your beloved and to experience the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

How Visualization Works

Your brain believes what you imagine. Brain science reveals that you experience real-world and imaginary actions in similar ways. For example, whether you are acing an event or only picturing it, you activate many of the same neural networks and pathways of nerve cells that link your body to the brain impulses that control it. What’s on your mind screen stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, which activates an increase in heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure. Just by envisioning a movement, such as holding hands with your partner-to-be, elicits nervous-system responses of that same action.

Tweet: As you visualize, so it becomes. – Tamara Green, LCSW

Go ahead and imagine yourself holding the hand of your beloved – as if it’s happening right now. Then, get even more detailed in your visualization. As if you are watching a scene or interaction of your beloved in your own movie – where you are the star. Let all your senses come alive. What are you feeling, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching in this beautiful scene? Are you walking hand-in-hand on a gorgeous beach while on vacation together? Are you in a kitchen making dinner and laughing hysterically? Maybe it’s a quiet scene where both of you are cuddled up on the couch reading books?

Allow yourself to really surrender into this visualization, sensing it and feeling it all. It feels good, right? To make this extra powerful, visualize this everyday for at least 2 minutes. Add in more details each time and increase your imagination play to 5 minutes per day. Smile and bask in the feelings of joy and peace, and of feeling so deeply loved and adored by your partner.

The more you envision, the more you activate your emotions to match the scene on your mind screen. The more detailed you get in your visualization with your beloved, the more familiar you become to achieving it because you are creating new neuro pathways in your brain. Plus, your nervous system reaps the benefits: increase in calm and confidence and decrease in heart rate and stress hormones. So, what are you waiting for? Give visualization a try!

To make it super easy for you, Tamara packaged together her 10 most popular meditations into one album. Listed below are the powerful and transformative meditations in this album that’ll help you visualize the loving relationship that you deserve:

Loving Meditation Experience 10 Meditation Bundle

  • Activate Your Happiness
  • Get What You Desire
  • Forgive Yourself
  • Healing To Wholeness
  • Loving You
  • Receive The Love You Deserve
  • Set Your Heart Free
  • Sexy Irresistible You
  • Stress Relief NOW
  • Blissful Sleep

Holiday Sale Starts Now!

The Holiday Season is approaching, so give this gift of love to yourself or to a friend or family member. From now until January 1, 2016, all of Tamara’s products are 50% off. Enjoy!

What You Didn’t Know About Meditation Will Calm You Down Now

I am busting the myth that all meditations are quiet and serene. Actually, some can be quite active, powerful and releasing. Before jumping in and getting physical, first, tune into what’s upsetting you.

Part 1 – What’s Bothering You?

Is something upsetting you? Then, the meditation below will help calm you right down. Go ahead and find out what that is. Does it have to do with a comment someone made or how you are harshly judging yourself? Maybe it’s about your relationship or lack thereof? Good, you are getting to what’s bothering you.

Now feel it… feel your emotions completely and notice where it lands in your body. When you tune into your body, you can locate it right away. I know you don’t like feeling this, and I promise that you’re going to release it soon during the meditation portion of this blog, but for now, just feel it. Be with it. Don’t judge it as “bad”, but allow yourself to feel this feeling entirely. Good for you, because this is not easy.

Score this feeling. What number (from 1 through 10) are you giving this emotion and physical sensation? Example: If you are feeling something between humiliated and neutral, then give yourself a score of 3, and so on.

1 – Worst ever (Humiliated, Despair and Anxious)

5 – Satisfied (Neutral)

10 – Best ever (Peace, Love and Joy)

Make a mental note of this score and begin the active meditation.

Note: This meditation is even more effective if you are listening to rhythmic music or drumming. To listen to an audio of this meditation with Tamara’s voice and powerful music, you’ll want to check out 21 Days to Self-Love Meditation Experience. The meditation written out below is Day 10 of this program. For the next 48 hours only, this entire transformative meditation program is 50% off!

 Calm Your Upset Now Meditation:

Part 2 – Loosening Up

Take off your shoes (flat shoes are OK but no shoes are best). Stand up, feet shoulder’s distance apart and let your knees go slack. Begin to gently bounce up and down. You can lift your heels off the floor every time you bounce up if you want, or, just keep your heels on the ground—either way is fine.

For a total of at least 3 minutes, bounce up and down, up and down, up and down… get into a good tempo. This gentle bouncing is rhythmic. Whenever I do this meditation, I have the vision that I am a Native Indian riding bareback on a horse that is galloping across the plains.

Let the muscles in your face go slack. Release your jaw. Lower your shoulders and let your arms and hands go, as they are dangling at your sides. Let them flop around as you bounce. Consciously let your back muscles go free. Release your stomach muscles. The main muscles working here are in your legs. Everything else needs to completely relax.

By moving your body up and down, you are creating a flow of energy from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are also releasing your muscles and causing relaxation, which occurs when your focus is on your body. When you are upset, the focus is on your thoughts, which creates stuck energy somewhere in your body. Negative energy often gets stuck in your joints, so gentle bouncing begins to open up your joints and your chakras that createa a nice flow of energy throughout your body. Tension in your muscles is the result of being upset, so keep moving up and down to release the built-up tension.

If you are feeling some physical pain, exhaling out of your mouth will help ease that pain. Don’t stop bouncing if it’s only minor pain. Where there is pain, there is stuck energy. If you hang in there, the minor pain will cease. If the pain is severe, however, then sit on the floor or in a chair and move your head from side to side instead, as if you are shaking your head “no”. This also relieves tons of stuck energy out of your stinkin’ thinkin’ head.

Keep gently bouncing up and down. Begin to smile. This immediately releases endorphins and frees your brain and body from what it’s holding onto. For one full minute more, keep bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down…

Okay, stop bouncing and shake out your hands and feet as if you are shaking off some mud. Shake your hands, shake your feet. Shake, shake, shake. Now, with your arms at your sides, turn your palms facing forward and feel the energy. You will probably feel a tingling sensation. That’s good. Notice how your entire body has responded to the gentle bouncing. Feel the currents of energy running up and down your body.

Part 3 – Explosive Release

Now that the energy is flowing much more freely throughout your body, get ready for the very active part of this meditation where you will truly release your upset. It’s going to be a total of 5 completely explosive and powerful breaths (always inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth):

  • 1st Explosive Releasing Breath Breathe in and expand your chest while holding up your arms over your head, high, high, high above your head. Now, blow out your breath while throwing down your arms and hands with total force toward the floor. Let it go! Good! Rest for a second.
  • 2nd Explosive Releasing Breath – When you breathe in, fill up your lungs completely and lift up your hands – all the way up, up, up…now let it go with all your might, release what you have been holding onto, as if you are throwing it all down into the earth. Perfect! Rest for a second.
  • 3rd Explosive Releasing Breath – Again, breathe in sharply, hands up and gather up that negative energy, gather it up, gather it up, gather it up… and throw that negativity down to the floor with all of your might. Release it now! Excellent! Rest for a second.
  • 4th Explosive Releasing Breath – Breathe in all the way, hands up, hands up… gather, gather, gather… and throw it down with 100% of your energy. Let it go!!! Wow, that’s powerful! Rest for a second.
  • 5th Explosive Releasing Breath – Last one, breathe in, in, in… hold it and gather the remains of that negative energy and now throw your hands down with all your might releasing it all.

Good, breathe in a deep calming breath… shake your hands then shake your feet – to shake off the remnants of stress and upset.

Part 4 – Feel The Calm

Sit down and completely relax. Put your hands on your lap with palms up. You did an amazing job. You released a ton of negativity. Feel proud of yourself because you did a great job using your potency to let go of some harmful stuck energy. Feel your energy freely flowing throughout your body.

Remember in the beginning, when I asked you to feel this upset in your body to see where it landed? Do you remember where you felt this stuck energy in your body? What was the score that you gave this feeling before the meditation? Give a new score to how you feel as a result of this meditation.

1 – Worst ever (Humiliated, Despair and Anxious)

5 – Satisfied (Neutral)

10 – Best ever (Peace, Love and Joy)

Did your score higher? Are you feeling better? Most of you will be feeling much better than you did just minutes ago.

Part 5 – Visualize Yourself Feeling Good

Since you freed yourself from some negative energy and opened up some space within your cells, it’s important for you to fill in this newly opened space with what you desire. So, take a moment to visualize yourself feeling cool, calm and at peace for the rest of your week. Go one step further and turn this visualization into a statement or affirmation. For example, I Am the center of my peace, or, I feel good.

Acknowledge yourself for doing a great job!

This powerful meditation is Day 10 of the 21 Days to Self-Love Meditation Experience, a transformative program that helps you reach your love goals, including loving yourself madly. For the next 48 hours, this amazing program is 50% off! Click here to invest in you and in love.

Finding Gifts In Every Challenge: 3 Rounds Of Ho’oponopono

beach couple

Challenges can be emotionally and even physically painful, not only for you, but also for your loved one who is often right by your side. I know because I was there when my husband, David, was going through his major life challenge – cancer. Together, we experienced the emotional shock of hearing the doctor tell him, “You have stage-4 cancer.” During his chemo, radiation and finally major surgery, he was so uncomfortable that it was sometimes difficult seeing him go through it. His challenge became my challenge, too. Even so, the experience turned into amazing gifts for both of us. Here are three:

  • David is now cancer free and healthy as ever.
  • Our relationship grew even closer.
  • We use our unique talents to create healing meditations that we love to gift to others. In our Loving Meditations audios, I guide you with my words while David’s music takes you into an even deeper and tranquil state. The combination is powerful.

Every challenge has a degree of benefit and your job is to find what those benefits are. To help you do this, I will share with you a meditation using an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness called Ho’oponopono (pronounced Hoe’ oh-poe-no-poe-no).  When done regularly, it can be quite healing.

Everything in your life – your likes, dislikes, passions, health problems, relationship, etc. – you create.  In fact, you create everything your experience. How, then, can you deal with the challenges you create? By using Ho’oponopono to speak directly to Source energy with the following phrases:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

When looking at another person (and sometimes yourself) and feeling disgust, anger, judgment, hatred, etc., whatever comes up, just feel it – it’s okay. Then say to yourself (not out loud) – to your connection with Source energy:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

Everything you experience in your outer world, you experience in your inner world.  Therefore, the problems and challenges need to be corrected and healed within you by offering them to Source energy – which is the energy of unconditional love.

As you may experience in the 3 rounds of Ho’oponopono, it gives you the power to erase negative beliefs and outcomes.  As you do it for you, you also do it for others… and, consequently, the world.

3 Rounds Of Ho’oponopono:

You’ll get a better understanding of what the phrases mean and how they will release you as we go along. Take three deep breaths to get started. Relax your eyes and lower your shoulders. Say to yourself – to Source energy:

Round 1… Releasing Fear
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being scared… I’m sorry for feeling the way that I do. I’m sorry for believing the illusion of fear… for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind when I didn’t mean to be. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… Thank you… I know that fear is only a projection of my mind. Thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release my fear. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.
Round 2… Releasing Self-Hatred
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for hating myself… I’m sorry for feeling the way that I do. I’m sorry for making myself wrong… I’m sorry for beating myself up… for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind and not realizing what I was doing to myself. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… thank you for this experience… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… I know that this hatred is only fear projected onto myself. Thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release my self-hatred. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.
Round 2… Releasing Anger
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for holding onto anger… I’m sorry for beating myself up for feeling angry… I’m sorry for projecting my anger onto others… I’m sorry for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… This has been eating me up inside… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind and not realizing what this is doing to me. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… Thank you for this experience… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… I know that this moment is perfect, just as it is. Thank you… I know that holding onto anger only keeps me tied to my past. I am not a victim, so thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release this anger. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.

You did a great job. This is your inner wisdom at work. Everything you experience in relationships is never between you and someone else. It’s between you and Source energy and it’s between them and Source energy – never between you and them.

Recite the phrases in any order.  Never say it to another person, just to yourself.  Say the Ho’oponopono phrases around the clock:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

To have your challenges turn into gifts, have Ho’oponopono constantly playing in the background of your mind. In doing so, your life will be transformed.

Step into the world of pure surrender, forgiveness and bliss by listening to this blog as an audio (24 hour replay available on Monday). To receive this creation by Tamara and David, please make sure you are signed up for Miracle Mondays Meditation.

Sending you off with love…

You Will Experience Your Love Desires: 3 Universal Truths That Prove This, Part II

IMG_2582I know an amazing woman named Brooke. She came to one of my workshops where I gave the homework assignment of writing on Post-It notes, “The Universe Has My Back,” and sticking them all around the house – as a constant reminder that we are always loved, supported and guided. Brooke did so, even though her kids teased her. But that didn’t stop her because she was soothed by the daily reminder that, yes indeed, the Universe really does have her back.

Today, Brooke sent me a photo of a miniature-sized Adirondack Chair with the words written on it, “The Universe Has Your Back Brooke” (see photo). Her daughter, 14-year-old Jill created it at her camp and sent this photo to her Mom.

Two weeks ago, in my blog, You Will Experience Your Love Desires: 3 Universal Truths That Prove This, Part I, I gave you 3 Universal Truths that prove that your love desires will actualize. Let’s explore, then, why you haven’t yet created them and how to unblock this loveless and vicious cycle.

Universal Truth #1: You have a Higher Self that guides every moment of your existence.

Are you tuned in to that guidance? Every thought you have is like a hypnotic suggestion, therefore, what are you thinking when you think about love? What are your true beliefs about love? If you are single, you may have a belief that love is difficult to attract, or, that you have to give up something (like yourself) to have love. Or maybe you don’t believe that you are good enough for love. If you are already in a relationship, then maybe you believe that you shouldn’t fully trust because you’ll just get hurt or dumped. Therefore, the question to ask yourself is, are your thoughts hijacking your love intention?

 Tip to tune into your own higher guidance: Write a list of every complaint you have about your love life (or lack thereof). One by one, take each complaint and say the opposite. In other words, turn it into an affirmation that you’ll repeat for the next 30 days. For example, if your complaint is that it’s difficult to find love. Switch it to the opposite by writing, “It’s easy to find love.” Go ahead and turn each complaint into a positive and reap the benefits of a rewired and positive mind.

 Universal Truth #2: Time exists only in this moment.

Having a grudge about something that happened in your past or having ill feelings about someone is the fastest way to sabotage your good intentions for love. Also, focusing on the future that’s not even here yet is often not helpful. For example, one of the fastest ways that women sabotage a date is by immediately deciding whether the guy is marriage material or not. Ladies, please stop that because it takes you right out of the present moment and produces anxiety for you and your date.

Tip to stay present: Do what Brooke did. Stay calm and present by reminding yourself that the Universe has your back. Go ahead and write that on at least 20 Post-It notes and stick them around your home. They will be your constant reminder to stay present, relax and enjoy your life as it is.

Universal Truth #3: Having a desire means that it will actualize.

Most people doubt this and try to use their brains to figure out what to do instead of being with what is. People tend to stick with their bad habits of negative self-talk and behaviors.

Tip to have what you desire: Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have.

I’d like to thank Brooke for sharing her daughter’s beautiful creation and for reminding us all that your love desire will actualize if you let your Higher Self guide, love and support you.

2 Exciting Announcements!

I am limitless 1200x628

The other day I posted the affirmation, “I am limitless!” I used to focus on my limits, however, with my spiritual practice of gratitude, meditation and body yoga, I’ve become the limitlessness that I once dreamed of. I would like you to experience this, too. Therefore, please join me for one or both of my deeply healing, fun and informative courses in my hometown, Scarsdale, NY. Looking forward to seeing you there.

Discover the Emotional Healing Powers of Meditation

Stress and tension can result in fear, playing havoc with your relationships, career and even finances.  On the physical level, negative emotions contribute to injuries and illnesses.  Such emotions can also cause you to be tormented by false perceptions about the choices you have made and other issues.  See how stress, worry, and anxiety can dissipate when you clear your mind of these disturbances and connect to your inner child and forgiveness.

Three Wednesdays, starting 9/16 (no class 9/23, 10/7) • 7–9pm • Scarsdale High School • Course – $90 • Register now

Transform Your Life Using The Sacred Flames: A Self-Healing Workshop

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach him to fish and feed him for a lifetime. This well-known proverb sets the tone for this course. Understanding, embodying and invoking the 7 Sacred Flames teaches you how to fish, so to speak, because it unlocks any barriers to a life filled with ease, joy and harmony.  In this course, students will experience how easy it is to master the 7 main love-energies that will cure any problem. You will also learn the Universal Laws, which are rooted in Divine Love. These Laws are important because without them your life becomes chaotic and out of control. When you obey these Laws, you become karma-free, experiencing more peace and serenity. To deepen your healing experience in this class, Tamara has created 7 beautiful guided meditations that correspond to each Flame. All students of this course will receive free chapters of Tamara’s book, Transform Your Life Using The 7 Sacred Flames, Daily Guided Meditations.

Three Thursdays, starting 10/22 • 7-9pm • Scarsdale High School • Course  – $90 • Register now

TAMARA GREEN, LCSW is a psychotherapist, relationship expert, energy healer, past-life regression hypnotherapist and meditation facilitator.

 

You Will Experience Your Love Desires: 3 Universal Truths That Prove This, Part I

You Are You

When the word “love” comes up in conversation, usually all kinds of judgments are made. Do any of the following statements ring true for you?

  • Finding love is difficult.
  • I’ll never find love.
  • I’m scared of losing love.
  • I’m scared of having love.
  • Why won’t she love me just the way I am?
  • Why won’t he love me the way I want to be loved?

The word “desire” conjures up some negative responses, as well:

  • My desires are never fulfilled.
  • Desires remain just that – desires.
  • My desires are unattainable.
  • I don’t know how to achieve my desires.

Now, put these two anxiety-producing words together, “love desires,” and most people are ready to throw up their hands and completely give up.

Ready to end your misery? Good, because I have some great news that will give you tremendous hope about your love desires.

Universal Truth #1: You have a Higher Self that guides every moment of your existence.

We all do. This is the part of you that actually is you, this is, the real you.

There are many names for this loving guide of yours: Higher Self, I Am Presence, True Self, Authentic Self, God Self, Divine Spark, Infinite Being Self, to name a few. Your Highest Self sees everything, has the whole picture and loves you unconditionally. What a wonderful existence life becomes when one regularly tunes into this inner wisdom and loving support.

Universal Truth #2: Time exists only in this moment.

There is no past – its already gone. Your past is only showing you what you’ve survived. Therefore, your past does not exist, that is, unless you keep bringing it back into this present moment. There is no future – its not even here yet. There is only presence – this moment.

Universal Truth #3: Having a desire means that it will actualize.

That’s right, the fact that you want something is your Highest Self  letting you know that it will materialize in your physical world.

My good friend, Thomas Bahler, who wrote and produced with Quincy Jones, Michael Jackson and many other legends, wrote an incredible book titled, What You Want Wants You. These words are not only accurate, but are also another way to convey this message:

What your Higher Self sees as truth shows up to you as ‘desire’. The moment you experience desire, energetically speaking, it’s already created.  Therefore, having a desire means that you will actualize it in your physical world.

Isn’t that cool?! That’s like living with a fortuneteller who has 100% accuracy, 100% of the time!

Inhale 3 deep breaths to take this all in. Ahhhhhhh! Feels good to know this, right?

In next week’s blog, we will explore the reasons why you’re not yet experiencing your love desires and how to actually achieve them.

Until then, thank your Highest Self  for showing you the exciting life that you are creating!

 

 

 

4 Self-Nurturing Habits That Help Conquer Relationship Agony

rowingDuring my undergraduate years at University of Southern California (USC), I rowed starboard for Women’s Varsity Crew. I loved the sport, even though the physical pain during races were almost unbearable. Sophie Pendrill, one of the Lightweight 8 U.S. National Champions, was reported as saying in The Scarsdale Inquirer (my local newspaper), “I was in so much pain. It’s very hard to explain the amount of pain I was in, but it was happy pain because we wanted to win by so much, and we did!” Sophie and I understand that if you want something bad enough, not only are you going to go through pain to get it, but it’s also worth it in the end.

Like rowing in a regatta, relationships can certainly cause tremendous pain, even agony. However, relationships are so worth it, right? What would life be without them? Nothing. Therefore, I’ve devoted my career to attracting, nurturing and preserving loving and healthy relationships. Would you like to find out how to have less pain and stress in your relationship? Then keep reading…

I was fortunate to be interviewed on the Making Dads Fertility Telesummit last week by Kristen Darcy. If you want great tips on how to get through stressful times in your relationship, then I strongly recommend that you listen to this very fun and upbeat hour on Google Hangout. It is filled with tools to get you through relationship stress during challenging times. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Did she just say that it was a ‘fun and upbeat hour’ about stress in relationships? What’s fun and upbeat about that?” Well, you have to watch the video to see how to stop taking all that ‘serious’ stuff so seriously. In doing so, your relationship will reap the benefits. Here’s an overview of what Kristen and I discussed during the interview:

4 Self-Nurturing Habits For Happy Relationships

  • Mindfulness: Be mindful of your thought patterns. What are you telling yourself about your situation? When you feel into that, does it feel bad or good? If it feels bad, then you are operating from judgment and fear. If it feels good, then you are operating from awareness and love. To keep you functioning in awareness, then ask yourself, “What unawareness am I using to create the ___(pain/agony/hopelessness…)___ that I’m choosing.” Don’t answer this or you’ll fall back into judgment. Instead, just ask and notice how much lighter you feel.
  • Calm your mind and receive. A relationship problem is a receiving problem. An unsettled mind is the equivalent to being un-receiving (which means you’re in judgment and fear). When you’re not receiving, you are blocking all the good stuff that’s trying to come your way. A meditation practice is a great way to receive loving energy on a regular basis. Join the Miracle Mondays Meditation community for free weekly guided meditation audios.
  • Take care of your inner child. Due to your relationship challenges, are you beating yourself up or feeling like a failure? Then, your inner child is suffering big time. And, if your inner child is suffering, then you’re causing yourself and your relationship unnecessary misery. Can you imagine if you were walking down the street and saw a terrified child being yelled at by their parent? Essentially, that’s what you’re doing to your own inner child. It’s time to change that damaging pattern to one of care, love and nurturance. Start today with a practice of complementing yourself, even for the tiniest things. For example, complement yourself for getting up and out of bed this morning. Don’t stop there; keep complementing, until you feel lighter and better.
  • Write a fan letter to you. Be your own avid fan by being in the practice of writing wonderful letters to yourself. For example, list all the reasons why you are a good person, how caring you are, and how proud you are of your accomplishments. Doing so will keep you feeling very good about yourself. When you feel good about you, then your relationship challenges will most likely dissolve.

Practice these self-nurturing tips to become the champion in your relationships – that is, the relationship with your partner AND WITH YOURSELF.

If you’d like to watch my entire interview on Restoring Intimacy and Healing from the Making Dads Fertility Summit  last week, you can watch it here! Thanks to Kristen Darcy for having me!

 

Reinventing Yourself Every Day: 4 Japanese Customs That Work!

japanI just got back from a 2-week vacation in Japan and loved it.

I was very impressed with the people, culture and customs. It doesn’t matter what disasters come their way, such as atom bombs or tsunamis, the Japanese have reinvented their lives over and over again. What I noticed is they tend to focus on the here and now and not on the past. Tokyo’s skyline is ever changing because they tear down old buildings to put up new ones. In several years, they will be launching their new train that’ll be almost 3 times faster than the Bullet train.

These are perfect examples of how they are creatively reinventing themselves. They don’t talk about disastrous events as if they are victims; their focus is on moving forward. There’s no question that the Japanese live by some ancient customs. The overall energy, however, is vibrant and progressive. On my trip, I came to realize that there are 4 practices of the Japanese that keep their lives not only moving forward, but also thriving.

4 Tips To Reinventing Yourself – Japanese Style

PATIENCE

You’ve heard the old adage, Patience Is A Virtue? Well, it’s true, and the Japanese are some of the most patient people I’ve ever met. For example, if you are out dining in a restaurant, they don’t ask if you’d like the check when you’re done eating. Not wanting you to feel rushed or unwelcome, they patiently wait for you to ask for the check. Also, their taxi drivers patiently wait for cars, buses and people to get out of their way while in route. It’s considered rude to honk, so they patiently wait instead. Pedestrians wait at the crosswalks for the light to turn green. In the beginning of my visit, it was certainly a challenge for this jay-walking New Yorker.

Mindfulness Tip– Become more patient with yourself and others so that you can relax and enjoy each day.

PRECISION

japan2I became very aware of the unique style of placement, movement and cleanliness in Japan. It’s so different from what I’m used to in America. After a beautiful and tranquil demonstration of a tea ceremony, I noticed that it was the precision of their movements that made it such a meditative and calming experience. The precision of how they place food on plates and flowers in vases is like works of art. Quite frankly, it was their precision that made me feel cared-for and honored. Even the way they clean the Bullet train is precise. Check out this video about the how they clean the train in only 7 minutes.

Also, every bit of Tokyo was downright immaculate. The stores, restaurants, taxis and even garbage trucks are cleaned daily.

Mindfulness Tip– Be precise. Be deliberate in your thoughts and actions. Have them be in alignment with the goals that you’ve set for yourself. Doing so will have them actualize sooner than later.

PUNCTUALITY

Punctuality is very important to the Japanese. For example, their Bullet train is never more that 6 seconds late. I’ve decided to institute a couple of new ‘punctual’ practices in my own daily routine that has already helped me to create a fresh and smooth start to each day. I’m now selecting my outfit the night before, checking for stains, missing buttons and loose threads and I’m waking up 15 minutes earlier. Doing so has made me more productive and given me a sense of peace, especially in the mornings.

Mindfulness Tip– Be punctual. Show up on time and prepared. This will help you feel good about yourself and help your day run smoother.

POLITENESS

The custom of bowing is so beautiful and is practiced by all the Japanese, young and old. In my hotel, there were some workers whose sole duty was to hold the elevator door open for you while bowing as the doors closed. I couldn’t help but feel very special. When asking for directions, the Japanese couldn’t do enough, wanting to be helpful in any way. Politeness and hospitality are certainly valued and the cornerstones of their culture.

Mindfulness Tip– Be polite. This shows that you value people’s feelings. And, certainly be polite to you by treating yourself with kindness and respect.

Put all of these tips into practice and you’ll be able to reinvent yourself everyday, too. This is what I call mindful living.

7 Tips to Keep Your Emotions in Check

rain painYesterday, I was asked if I could talk about how to release negative emotions. On the heels of some current events, she was experiencing not only her own anger and upset, but her friend’s, as well.

All of your emotional upsets are caused by lack of harmony, imbalances and unresolved issues, from your past or present, in the emotional body.  Now, here’s the kicker, 98% of that upset is what you picked up from other people. That’s right, you are picking up other people’s feelings, thoughts and emotions all of the time. For example, my client realized that she was feeling just fine until her friend called her. She now knows that she picked up her friend’s upset and took it on as her own.

Your body is an amazing energy-sensing machine and has its own consciousness.  It is designed to give you sensory input, but most people don’t even realize that they’re taking on someone else’s upset. Ever since you were in the womb, you have been a sponge that picks up the energy around you all of the time. Have you ever been referred to as being too sensitive? The truth is that your sensitivity is actually your gift – your ability. You are so much more psychic than you give yourself credit for. The problem is not your sensitivity, it’s that you are taking on the energy of other people and making it your own.

 What, then, can you do when the negative emotions take over?  

Tamara’s 7 Tips For Keeping Your Emotions In Check:

  • Who does this belong to?

First and foremost, ask yourself; Who does this belong to? You don’t even have to answer the question to begin to feel a shift. Only the ego wants to know the answer. If you’re still in a funk, then ask, Hey body, what awareness are you sharing with me? Or, What awareness am I avoiding? Another great question is; What’s the gift in experiencing this now?

  • Stop yourself from reacting

Reaction indicates that you are judging what you are experiencing. For example, you may be judging that you are wrong or that they are wrong. Instead of going there, just say to yourself; They have an interesting point of view, and, I have an interesting point of view. This helps you to stop taking what’s happening between you so seriously and personally. If you do react, please don’t beat yourself up. Be kind and just laugh it off.

  • Accept rather than resist

Be neutral. Be like Teflon and let what negativity or judgment that is coming your way, slide right past you. Don’t let it land with you.

  • Forgive yourself

Forgive yourself for any transgression or neglect that has been displayed toward your Higher Self; I’m sorry for letting that land with me, or, I’m sorry for believing the illusion that it was mine, not theirs.

  • Choose another perspective

Take action by choosing another perspective. If you let the negativity land with you, you are choosing to take it seriously and to engage with it.  Instead, choose something else. Ask yourself; What do I choose to experience now? Or, I choose to remain happy, harmonious and grateful and I claim my freedom from other people’s emotional energy.

  • Let it go

Release it by making it part of your past. Stay present. Be in faith and trust that you are a divine and infinite being. Each new moment is your chance to play and create something new.

  • Be grateful

Be thankful for this experience. Thank you body for giving me more awareness. I am grateful for your loving assistance and guidance.

Here is a list of positive emotions or states of mind that you can now focus on:

  • Acceptance – Everything is what it is
  • Energy – All that life is made up of
  • Joy – How you were born into this life
  • Creativity – What you came here to experience – to create upon create
  • Tranquility – A choice that is always possible
  • Freedom – Being in the state of allowance with what is
  • Wisdom – Every cell of your body is tuned into Universal Intelligence
  • Peace – What’s actually possible on this earth
  • Harmony – When you are in fluidity with your Highest Self
  • Health – Being in the state of congruency with life
  • Abundance – The truth of what life really is
  • Love – Who you really are

 

Each new moment is your chance to play and create something new. – Tamara Green