Tag Archives: Relationships

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 1- What Is Intimacy?

I’d like to say that the holidays bring out the best in couples, but unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case for many. During this time of extended family visits, increased spending and busy-ness, the spirit of the holidays often take a back seat to stress and overwhelm. Of course, this stress affects relationships and healthy intimacy tends to take a back seat, too.

Welcome to my 3-part holiday series, where I give the low-down on intimacy. This is to help you and your partner get through the holidays not only intact, but also in a loving and healthy way. In week 1, I’ll explain what intimacy is. In week 2, I’ll share with you the main culprits that erode intimacy. In week 3, I’ll reveal the secrets to how you can experience lasting, fun and juicy intimacy in your relationship, not only for this holiday season, but also for the years to come. Last, I’ll give you a homework assignment each week that will amp up your level of relationship intimacy. Let’s get started.

 What is intimacy?

Intimacy is one of the most precious commodities we have in relationships. It’s something that takes time, is a process and journey that two people take together. There are 4 different types of intimacy:

Intellectual intimacy

An exchange and/or support of each other’s thoughts, ideas and opinions. This involves verbal communication.

I’ll use my mother and step-father as an example for this. Every Sunday, they would read the Times while drinking coffee during the morning hours. Then at lunch or dinner, they would discuss what they read, which sometimes turned into a friendly debate. They enjoyed these exchanges because they had a chance to share their opinions and ideas with one another. As the witness to their intellectual intimacy, I enjoyed it, too.

 Energetic or experiential intimacy

When a couple engages in mutual activities. This usually does not involve verbal communication, but rather energetic synergy.

 I’ll share my own personal example of this type of intimacy. Since 2012, my husband and I have produced guided meditations for our Miracle Mondays Meditations community. We quietly sit together – I write and use my voice to guide the meditations while he composes the beautiful music and produces the products. The result – powerful and transformative meditation audios and videos.

Back in the 90’s, we used to invent personalized songs for kids who were in the hospital with cancer. I wrote the lyrics and sang while my husband composed the music and burned CD’s for each child. Creating together is a ‘cloud-9’ experience for us. It has always felt amazing to have this generative energy flowing between us.

 Emotional intimacy

Sharing your feelings and a desire to understand the feelings of your partner. This involves both verbal and non-verbal communication.

 Couples must have a level of trust and comfort with each other to be able to share their vulnerabilities. If one or both are over reactive, it will most likely shut down this level of intimacy. Several years ago, I was working with a couple that really wanted more emotional intimacy but their relationship was ingrained in reactive patterns of communication. He would often roll his eyes when she shared her feelings and she would criticize him for not meeting her needs. Step-by-step, we examined their cycles of destructive verbal and non-verbal habits and replaced them with healthy behaviors of active listening, compassionate rapport and empathetic-type body language. Their hard work paid off as their relationship is now flourishing.

Sexual intimacy

Any form of sensual expression toward or for one another. This involves physical and non-physical communication.

Most people think of intimacy as being only sexual, but as you can see, it’s not only about sex. Examples of non-physical sexual intimacy include talking about sex before having it and revealing sexual fantasies to one another. Examples of physical sexual intimacy include, hugging, kissing, massage, sensual touch, oral sex and intercourse.

When couples end up in my office due to marital problems, it’s not unusual for me to hear that sex is an issue. One of the main reasons for this is because men and women often experience sexual intimacy very differently. For example, men tend to form more of an emotional bond with their partner after sex, while women desire the emotional bonding in order to have sex. Once couples understand this innate and very common difference, and if they can compromise a little to meet the other’s needs, their sexual intimacy problems tend to disappear.

Homework for the week: For the next 7 days, tell your partner everyday at least 1 thing about them that turns you on. Go ahead, have some fun! 😉

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 2- What Are The Main Culprits To Eroding Intimacy?

 Need relationship advice in a jiffy? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your heartbreak. By clicking here you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Getting On Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ With The Art Of Sexy Holiday Flirting


The Holidays are a perfect time for sexy flirting. Whether single or partnered, you can have fun getting on Santa’s ‘naughty’ list by performing the very effective art of sexy flirting.

Men love flirty gestures. They feel admired and get the validation they need to approach you. Don’t think that flirting is just for the singles, though. It adds so much excitement and pleasure for partners, as well. It’s easy for couples to get into a rut and forget the fun and spicy side of their relationship, especially when trying to raise a family and hold down challenging careers. Flirting, smiling, being daring and trying something new releases some wonderful ‘happy hormones’ and can have some very positive and amazing results, so don’t hold back.

Flirting, however, takes guts and confidence. It means you have to be light-hearted and open to fun and new experiences. Therefore, you may get nervous because you are stepping out of your routine and comfort zone. That’s OK, just take a few deep breaths and do it anyway. Trust me, your efforts will be well worth it.

For a quick and easy boost to your confidence, especially if you are painfully shy, check out my very active and fun guided meditation called Sexy Irresistible YOU, which is currently 50% off during our holiday special. Doing so will activate the powerful and magnificent sexy YOU!

Here are some hot flirting tips to ramp up your sex appeal – Ooh La La!!

Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Singles:
  • At a gathering, smile at a guy that’s caught your eye from across the room, look away then smile at him again. He’ll keep his eyes glued onto you, for sure! Keep it up until he walks over to you.
  • Men are visual and love the adventure of surprise, so write a question on a cocktail napkin and slide it across the table or bar right to him. Make sure you’re smiling while doing this. Extra brownie points for making the gutsy move of winking, as well. What you write could be as simple as, “Nice shirt you’re wearing!”
  • This one definitely takes guts, but it’s very effective. Let your admiration show by using your eyes to take-in every inch of that hunk you’d like to meet from across the room. Start with their feet moving up very slowly and deliberately until you reach their eyes, at which point you smile, nod your head in approval, and give him a ‘thumbs up.’ Let him know that you like what you see. Then, count the seconds it takes for him to introduce himself to you.
  • Can’t go quite that bold, yet? Try this one then. Wherever you’re sitting, cross your legs and make sure the foot of your leg on top is pointed in the direction of that man you’re interested in meeting. Bob your foot up and down while looking in his direction. Let him know that you are “pointing” at him.
  • Spice things up and wear red. There are many shades of red, so pick one that’s perfect for your skin tone. Again, men are visual. Studies show that men find women who wear red as very attractive. Also, show a little skin with a scooped or ‘V’ neckline. Wear a dress and show your legs. Come on! It’s the Holidays, so wear something festive and slightly revealing! Don’t go too far, though. Stay away from the slutty look, unless you’re only interested in a one-night hookup.
Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Couples:
  • During holiday parties, show up separately and pretend you don’t know each other. Then, pick each other up. Have fun using pick-up lines like, “Have we met before?” or “What’s your sign?”
  • Imagine your partner as your favorite dessert. While licking your lips, say to him something like, “Later, I’m going to devour you like my favorite Tiramisu!” Scrumptious!
  • At a family gathering or office party, get the juices flowing by telling your partner that you bought him a “surprise” or “naughty” gift that has to be opened in private…”later”. Wink, wink 😉
  • Tell your handsome hunk how delicious he looks, how sexy he is and how he turns you on. More winking!
  • Be alluring by playing with your hair or jewelry while listening intently to your guy.
  • Get an App for couples. Go ahead and Google “Apps for lovers” and see what’s out there for sexy and fun messaging with your special someone.
  • Ask questions you don’t normally ask, such as, “What’s your wildest fantasy? I’d like to help you fulfill it.”
  • Get ‘in the mood’ by giving a foot rub to your partner. This lowers the energy out of that stinkin’ thinkin’ head (the upper one). At the same time, tell him how much he turns you on or what you plan to do to him after the foot rub. Anticipation is a great way to get the energy flowing in the ‘right’ places.

This holiday, be sugar and spice and everything nice. Practice the art of sexy flirting to make sure you make Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ and have fun while doing it!!

 

 

 

3 Action Steps Now To Stop The Next Round Of Arguments

Upset_Couple_Sitting_On_Bed_Se_cropped

There you go again. You and your partner fell into that awful pattern of yelling, negativity and even threats of leaving the relationship. You both are miserable but can’t quite figure out how to fix this problem. This has been going on for far too long and you are both sick of it, yet perplexed on how to solve this frustrating and endless cycle.

Even though things may have calmed down, you need an action plan now to help prevent the next round of arguments. Your next fight just may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and ends your relationship for good.

As a couple’s counselor for over 27 years, I can say with absolute conviction that this action plan works. I guarantee that if, starting today, you follow this plan to the tee, you will stop this relationship-killing pattern and completely turn things around. Is it an easy plan of action? No. Is it worth it? A resounding yes! But then, our most challenging patterns turn out to be our greatest lessons in life, right?

Take These 3 Action Steps To Prevent The Next Round Of Arguments:

1. Take full responsibility for your part in the argument.

It’s time to get humble, authentic and honest. Leave your victim-type thoughts and words out of this conversation. Victim consciousness includes blaming, judgments, criticisms, complaints and accusations. This step requires you to own up to your part, NOT THEIR PART, only yours. Make a list of your behaviors and words during the argument that you are not proud of. This takes guts but you can do it, especially if you want to stop this crazy pattern that you and your partner are in. Use your list to create your ‘I’m taking responsibility’ statements.

Here’s an example of what you could say to your partner: “Now that things are calm between us, I’d like to take responsibility for my part in our argument. I was blaming you for ___(fill in the blank)___ and that wasn’t helpful or kind. I am sorry for saying what I said. I have decided that I need to work on my habit of blaming. Please forgive me. I don’t want this to ever happen again, so I’m making a commitment to work on changing it.” Extra kudos points if you tell your partner what you are committed to do to make sure you will not do this again: start therapy, take an online course, do a workshop, read a self-help book, take up meditation, etc.

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.
2. Commit to the 90-10% Rule.

Spend 90% of your time and focus looking at your behaviors and emotions versus your partners. Instead of looking at what they need to change, you make a commitment to changing you. Spend 10% of your time focused on the relationship and on your partner. 90% you – 10% your partner. The interesting thing is, the more time you spend loving and honoring you, the more able you are to authentically love your partner. In other words, your partner benefits tremendously when you are taking care of yourself.

By the way, this 90-10% rule also works great in other areas of your life. For example, if you are an entrepreneur, spend 90% of the time working on you and 10% of the time working on your business. The 90-10% is a secret to success and happiness. 

3. Make a daily and forever practice of gratitude.

This one tip has saved marriages on the brink of divorce, so this is yet another powerful part of the action plan. What you focus on is what you experience. So please stop focusing on what you don’t like or want anymore. Be in the practice of telling your partner at least 3 things about them that you are grateful for – every single day. Tell them what you admire, what you love about them and what they do that makes you feel happy and special. That way, you’ll get more of what you love about them and less of what you don’t.

Same goes with you. Everyday, tell yourself at least 3 things of what you love and admire about yourself. In other words, compliment yourself – a lot!

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.

Shopping For ‘The One’

I love featuring guest bloggers, so please enjoy this one about the ups and downs of being a single woman in Boston while searching for ‘the One.’

Shopping For ‘The One’

SamanthaDarcyMore than two years ago, while in a failing eight year relationship and swimming in debt, I couldn’t imagine how anyone would be able to go it alone in a world where anything of high quality came with an even higher price tag. As I wasted months delaying the inevitable and dreading the decision to part from my high school sweetheart, I knew I had to take control of my life’s desires. Without a warning about life in a one-woman show, this 25-year-old first time single female set out in search of ‘the One.’

During that time, life came with its fair share of struggles as I turned to family, friends, counselors, spiritual advisers, and even a psychic for answers to my burning questions. I laughed and cried, almost loved and lost, obsessed, gave up, then danced and sang through the pain. Despite each fall, I got back on the horse, learning more about myself in the process.

For some, finding the right ‘One’ is easy. It comes wrapped with a pretty little bow and life goes on. Wanting to, but refusing to look back and harp on my unluckiness in love, I made it a goal to strive for ‘anything but dull’ and to become someone that I would admire.

I am an interior designer at Boston’s most prestigious architecture firm, designing multi-million dollar corporate interiors. In my free time, I also volunteer my graphic design services, creating anything from logos and business cards to wedding invitations and baby announcements. I have a fantastic family and a dynamite group of Zumba-loving friends, a new two door coupe, my own apartment in the city, and an active full life.

The minute my relationship ended, I surrounded myself with family and friends, and decided to explore the city that I didn’t know, despite living in it for six years. I met new people through new hobbies, began working out, volunteering, and took up writing. I have more hobbies than I can count, am rarely bored, and hardly ever turn down plans, especially after realizing how much of life is measured in experiences.

Somewhere in between, I find time to window-shop for boys.

Filtering through attractiveness, age, height, education, and zodiac sign (just to name a few) the idea of online dating was an exciting thought in the beginning. “Bald and short men need not apply!”

Fast-forward two years, when the bald ones become my favorite and the height requirement came down a few inches. It was becoming crystal clear to me why dating is a bouquet of smoke and mirrors. With over 30 first dates under my belt and an average of weeding through 7-10 duds to find a match, I had been left to wonder, Why I am the exception? On the path to bettering myself, meeting many people along the way, I raised my standards. Rushing to find someone became second to finding my equal. True chemistry proved rare, but essential. Finding the right person at the right time surfaced as another seemingly impossible necessity.

I had wanted the process of finding ‘the One’ to feel like Christmas morning instead of wondering if I should get a gift receipt. It’s been a journey of emotional ups and downs on what feels like an endless ride on a roller coaster. Each time I get to know someone new, it’s filled with mystery, questions, uncertainty, anxiety, and self-consciousness. At times, I’ve debated signing up for a match-making television show, knowing full well I am not built for TV. Other times, I’ve joked about a billboard-sized single’s ad with a ‘1-800-‘ number.

I’ve been someone’s rebound, someone’s one-that-got-away, someone’s future nothing, someone’s fun night, someone’s right now, someone’s foreign love affair, someone’s lover turned friend, and painfully enough, someone’s “maybe someday.” Each time, I try to remember that I am putting a mark on their lives as they are putting theirs on mine.

People come into your life for many reasons. Some come long enough to teach you something and then disappear, while others come in as a little boost to make me realize, I’ve still got it!

While in search, I try to remind myself, this is my life for now, but it can change in an instant with everything before it a distant memory.

Like anyone else, I have good and bad days and can feel completely alone, even in a room filled with my favorite people. There are some days where no amount of tears, friends, fro-yo, or ‘tattling on your ex to his mother’ can take away the pain of a broken heart. Eventually, time heals most wounds and I realize that I wouldn’t be half the person I am without each failure, success, new experience, interest, and character.

Still to this day, I am learning how to let go, to love, and to be patient. I just have to keep moving forward, until I find what works.

With all my dating, relationships, loves and losses, I have to believe that anything worth anything is worth the work and worth the wait.

Samantha Darcy is an interior designer living in Boston, Massachusetts. She started writing in 2013 at the end of a nearly 8-year relationship with her high school sweetheart. After an outpouring of encouragement to write about her experiences, she started compiling stories of life, love, loss, and dating on her journey to find ‘the One.’ You can read more blogs from Samantha at FindMyHand.wordpress.com.

 

Finding Gifts In Every Challenge: 3 Rounds Of Ho’oponopono

beach couple

Challenges can be emotionally and even physically painful, not only for you, but also for your loved one who is often right by your side. I know because I was there when my husband, David, was going through his major life challenge – cancer. Together, we experienced the emotional shock of hearing the doctor tell him, “You have stage-4 cancer.” During his chemo, radiation and finally major surgery, he was so uncomfortable that it was sometimes difficult seeing him go through it. His challenge became my challenge, too. Even so, the experience turned into amazing gifts for both of us. Here are three:

  • David is now cancer free and healthy as ever.
  • Our relationship grew even closer.
  • We use our unique talents to create healing meditations that we love to gift to others. In our Loving Meditations audios, I guide you with my words while David’s music takes you into an even deeper and tranquil state. The combination is powerful.

Every challenge has a degree of benefit and your job is to find what those benefits are. To help you do this, I will share with you a meditation using an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness called Ho’oponopono (pronounced Hoe’ oh-poe-no-poe-no).  When done regularly, it can be quite healing.

Everything in your life – your likes, dislikes, passions, health problems, relationship, etc. – you create.  In fact, you create everything your experience. How, then, can you deal with the challenges you create? By using Ho’oponopono to speak directly to Source energy with the following phrases:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

When looking at another person (and sometimes yourself) and feeling disgust, anger, judgment, hatred, etc., whatever comes up, just feel it – it’s okay. Then say to yourself (not out loud) – to your connection with Source energy:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

Everything you experience in your outer world, you experience in your inner world.  Therefore, the problems and challenges need to be corrected and healed within you by offering them to Source energy – which is the energy of unconditional love.

As you may experience in the 3 rounds of Ho’oponopono, it gives you the power to erase negative beliefs and outcomes.  As you do it for you, you also do it for others… and, consequently, the world.

3 Rounds Of Ho’oponopono:

You’ll get a better understanding of what the phrases mean and how they will release you as we go along. Take three deep breaths to get started. Relax your eyes and lower your shoulders. Say to yourself – to Source energy:

Round 1… Releasing Fear
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being scared… I’m sorry for feeling the way that I do. I’m sorry for believing the illusion of fear… for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind when I didn’t mean to be. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… Thank you… I know that fear is only a projection of my mind. Thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release my fear. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.
Round 2… Releasing Self-Hatred
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for hating myself… I’m sorry for feeling the way that I do. I’m sorry for making myself wrong… I’m sorry for beating myself up… for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind and not realizing what I was doing to myself. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… thank you for this experience… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… I know that this hatred is only fear projected onto myself. Thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release my self-hatred. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.
Round 2… Releasing Anger
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for holding onto anger… I’m sorry for beating myself up for feeling angry… I’m sorry for projecting my anger onto others… I’m sorry for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… This has been eating me up inside… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind and not realizing what this is doing to me. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… Thank you for this experience… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… I know that this moment is perfect, just as it is. Thank you… I know that holding onto anger only keeps me tied to my past. I am not a victim, so thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release this anger. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.

You did a great job. This is your inner wisdom at work. Everything you experience in relationships is never between you and someone else. It’s between you and Source energy and it’s between them and Source energy – never between you and them.

Recite the phrases in any order.  Never say it to another person, just to yourself.  Say the Ho’oponopono phrases around the clock:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

To have your challenges turn into gifts, have Ho’oponopono constantly playing in the background of your mind. In doing so, your life will be transformed.

Step into the world of pure surrender, forgiveness and bliss by listening to this blog as an audio (24 hour replay available on Monday). To receive this creation by Tamara and David, please make sure you are signed up for Miracle Mondays Meditation.

Sending you off with love…

You Will Experience Your Love Desires: 3 Universal Truths That Prove This, Part II

IMG_2582I know an amazing woman named Brooke. She came to one of my workshops where I gave the homework assignment of writing on Post-It notes, “The Universe Has My Back,” and sticking them all around the house – as a constant reminder that we are always loved, supported and guided. Brooke did so, even though her kids teased her. But that didn’t stop her because she was soothed by the daily reminder that, yes indeed, the Universe really does have her back.

Today, Brooke sent me a photo of a miniature-sized Adirondack Chair with the words written on it, “The Universe Has Your Back Brooke” (see photo). Her daughter, 14-year-old Jill created it at her camp and sent this photo to her Mom.

Two weeks ago, in my blog, You Will Experience Your Love Desires: 3 Universal Truths That Prove This, Part I, I gave you 3 Universal Truths that prove that your love desires will actualize. Let’s explore, then, why you haven’t yet created them and how to unblock this loveless and vicious cycle.

Universal Truth #1: You have a Higher Self that guides every moment of your existence.

Are you tuned in to that guidance? Every thought you have is like a hypnotic suggestion, therefore, what are you thinking when you think about love? What are your true beliefs about love? If you are single, you may have a belief that love is difficult to attract, or, that you have to give up something (like yourself) to have love. Or maybe you don’t believe that you are good enough for love. If you are already in a relationship, then maybe you believe that you shouldn’t fully trust because you’ll just get hurt or dumped. Therefore, the question to ask yourself is, are your thoughts hijacking your love intention?

 Tip to tune into your own higher guidance: Write a list of every complaint you have about your love life (or lack thereof). One by one, take each complaint and say the opposite. In other words, turn it into an affirmation that you’ll repeat for the next 30 days. For example, if your complaint is that it’s difficult to find love. Switch it to the opposite by writing, “It’s easy to find love.” Go ahead and turn each complaint into a positive and reap the benefits of a rewired and positive mind.

 Universal Truth #2: Time exists only in this moment.

Having a grudge about something that happened in your past or having ill feelings about someone is the fastest way to sabotage your good intentions for love. Also, focusing on the future that’s not even here yet is often not helpful. For example, one of the fastest ways that women sabotage a date is by immediately deciding whether the guy is marriage material or not. Ladies, please stop that because it takes you right out of the present moment and produces anxiety for you and your date.

Tip to stay present: Do what Brooke did. Stay calm and present by reminding yourself that the Universe has your back. Go ahead and write that on at least 20 Post-It notes and stick them around your home. They will be your constant reminder to stay present, relax and enjoy your life as it is.

Universal Truth #3: Having a desire means that it will actualize.

Most people doubt this and try to use their brains to figure out what to do instead of being with what is. People tend to stick with their bad habits of negative self-talk and behaviors.

Tip to have what you desire: Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have.

I’d like to thank Brooke for sharing her daughter’s beautiful creation and for reminding us all that your love desire will actualize if you let your Higher Self guide, love and support you.

7 Sacred Flames: How To Be Lucky In Love

bigstock-Couple-walking-on-beach-Young-40788364
I feel like I am one of the luckiest women on this planet. Why? Because I am more in love with my husband than the day we were married 21 years ago. Therefore, I feel lucky in love. Did I always feel that way? Absolutely not. I didn’t get married until I was 36, so I certainly had my share of the dating doldrums, and, I’ll admit it, some pity parties.
So what made me go from dating doldrums to being lucky in love? I’m going to share with you how calling in the Flame Of Cosmic Love turned that around for me.
In my upcoming book 7 Sacred Flames to Transform Your Life: Your Roadmap To Anything You Desire, I briefly describe one of the Universal Laws, the Law of Action: “What materializes in your physical world is a result of your actions. If your actions and behaviors stem from fear, what materializes may disappoint you. If your actions and behaviors stem from love, what materializes may astound you.”
Thank goodness that I eventually recognized that my pity parties (action stemming from fear) were not doing me any good. So I decided to take this Law of Action (an attribute of the Love Flame) and put it into, well, action – a daily practice of gratitude.
Being in the energy of gratitude is one of the fastest ways to get to what you want. To give you a visual, it’s like a gate that opens, giving you complete access to what you desire. Staying in gratitude can sometimes be a challenge. However, calling in the Flame of Cosmic Love is the same as opening up that “gratitude” gate on a daily basis.
This is the Cosmic Love Flame Prayer that I recite at least twice a day: Blaze through me thy radiant Love Rays. Let me be an anchor of love for all. Simple and effective, these two short phrases easily fill me with gratitude and love.
Calling in the Love Flame led me to my soulmate and keeps our love growing stronger everyday. You, too, can call in this Flame and feel lucky in love.
Find out more about my ebook, 7 Sacred Flames to Transform Your Life: Your Daily Roadmap To Anything You Desire in this link!

7 Sacred Flames: Independence From A Life Filled With Struggle

sparklerI used to bumble around in my life, trying to figure things out on my own and wondered why I was a big hot mess. Experiencing one huge struggle after the next, I spent most days feeling out of control. I was deeply influenced by others’ opinions of me. So eager to please, I accepted crumbs from all of my relationships. I hated myself and kept turning to others to give me the love that I wasn’t even willing to give myself.

Today is 4th of July, a U.S. holiday that represents independence. In those days, however, I felt anything but independent or free. In fact, I was in my own jail. Very dependent on others for constant direction and support, my core foundation was weak and easily crumbled at any harsh judgment or unkind word. I believed that my happiness was in the hands of others. It didn’t take much for me to be taken off course by the people and events around me. I even considered suicide, hoping to end the tortuous struggle that was my life.

Then, I found a book that saved my sanity and my life called Lazaris, The Sacred Journey: You And Your Higher Self, published in 1987. This book launched me into self-discovery. There was a particular section in the book that I read over and over. It talked about how we are never alone and that there is a Source energy that is nothing but Love. Because I spent much of my life feeling lonely, reading this was a huge comfort. By invoking this Source-Love energy, I eventually came to realize that life is not just about having things and surviving; it is about having a profound relationship with me and my Highest Self, which in turn, keeps me tuned in to Source.

My personal exploration led me to a daily practice of calling in the Love energies (also known as the 7 Sacred Flames), which completely transformed my life. As a result, I fell in love with me. Once I declared authentic love for myself, it wasn’t long before I met and married my soul mate and had 2 wonderful children. Today, I am also blessed with health and vitality and have a dream career. Now, everyday is Independence Day, filled with freedom and joy.

As a psychotherapist and relationship expert, I have certainly seen my share of people craving freedom from their struggles. Therefore, wanting you to be independent from constant fear, confusion and upset, I created an eBook packed with valuable information about the very same Source-Love energies that lifted me out of my own struggles.

Introducing

7 Sacred Flames To Transform Your Life: Your Daily Roadmap To Anything You Desire

This eBook will launch July 15th, but you can have it FREE by registering your email in this link

You, too, will make everyday Independence Day! Now, that’s worth celebrating!!

Stay tuned for next week’s blog where I share more exciting information about how the Flames will help you become ‘Lucky In Love’.

 

4 Self-Nurturing Habits That Help Conquer Relationship Agony

rowingDuring my undergraduate years at University of Southern California (USC), I rowed starboard for Women’s Varsity Crew. I loved the sport, even though the physical pain during races were almost unbearable. Sophie Pendrill, one of the Lightweight 8 U.S. National Champions, was reported as saying in The Scarsdale Inquirer (my local newspaper), “I was in so much pain. It’s very hard to explain the amount of pain I was in, but it was happy pain because we wanted to win by so much, and we did!” Sophie and I understand that if you want something bad enough, not only are you going to go through pain to get it, but it’s also worth it in the end.

Like rowing in a regatta, relationships can certainly cause tremendous pain, even agony. However, relationships are so worth it, right? What would life be without them? Nothing. Therefore, I’ve devoted my career to attracting, nurturing and preserving loving and healthy relationships. Would you like to find out how to have less pain and stress in your relationship? Then keep reading…

I was fortunate to be interviewed on the Making Dads Fertility Telesummit last week by Kristen Darcy. If you want great tips on how to get through stressful times in your relationship, then I strongly recommend that you listen to this very fun and upbeat hour on Google Hangout. It is filled with tools to get you through relationship stress during challenging times. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Did she just say that it was a ‘fun and upbeat hour’ about stress in relationships? What’s fun and upbeat about that?” Well, you have to watch the video to see how to stop taking all that ‘serious’ stuff so seriously. In doing so, your relationship will reap the benefits. Here’s an overview of what Kristen and I discussed during the interview:

4 Self-Nurturing Habits For Happy Relationships

  • Mindfulness: Be mindful of your thought patterns. What are you telling yourself about your situation? When you feel into that, does it feel bad or good? If it feels bad, then you are operating from judgment and fear. If it feels good, then you are operating from awareness and love. To keep you functioning in awareness, then ask yourself, “What unawareness am I using to create the ___(pain/agony/hopelessness…)___ that I’m choosing.” Don’t answer this or you’ll fall back into judgment. Instead, just ask and notice how much lighter you feel.
  • Calm your mind and receive. A relationship problem is a receiving problem. An unsettled mind is the equivalent to being un-receiving (which means you’re in judgment and fear). When you’re not receiving, you are blocking all the good stuff that’s trying to come your way. A meditation practice is a great way to receive loving energy on a regular basis. Join the Miracle Mondays Meditation community for free weekly guided meditation audios.
  • Take care of your inner child. Due to your relationship challenges, are you beating yourself up or feeling like a failure? Then, your inner child is suffering big time. And, if your inner child is suffering, then you’re causing yourself and your relationship unnecessary misery. Can you imagine if you were walking down the street and saw a terrified child being yelled at by their parent? Essentially, that’s what you’re doing to your own inner child. It’s time to change that damaging pattern to one of care, love and nurturance. Start today with a practice of complementing yourself, even for the tiniest things. For example, complement yourself for getting up and out of bed this morning. Don’t stop there; keep complementing, until you feel lighter and better.
  • Write a fan letter to you. Be your own avid fan by being in the practice of writing wonderful letters to yourself. For example, list all the reasons why you are a good person, how caring you are, and how proud you are of your accomplishments. Doing so will keep you feeling very good about yourself. When you feel good about you, then your relationship challenges will most likely dissolve.

Practice these self-nurturing tips to become the champion in your relationships – that is, the relationship with your partner AND WITH YOURSELF.

If you’d like to watch my entire interview on Restoring Intimacy and Healing from the Making Dads Fertility Summit  last week, you can watch it here! Thanks to Kristen Darcy for having me!

 

7 Powerful Steps To Pull In Mind-Blowing Love

sunset-hairSingle women make finding love very difficult. But, what if it’s as simple as pulling in love? Before I teach you how to do that, let’s first start with an assignment: Grab a piece of paper and write down 3 points of view that you have about love. Don’t write down what you’d like to experience, but rather, what you actually tell yourself about love, men, dating or relationships. Here’s a list of statements I’ve heard plenty of times in my practice over the years. Do you have the same or similar beliefs?

  • There are no great single men. They are either married or gay.
  • I attract men that treat me like dirt.
  • Men can’t commit.
  • I’m too independent for a relationship.
  • No man wants to date a single mother.
  • I’m not dating material because I’m too ___(old, young, fat, thin, poor, rich, etc.)___.

Are these statements hard cold facts? NO! They are just interesting points of view. There’s nothing true about them. You may be believing them and therefore experiencing them, but they certainly don’t have to be true for you.

If your friend said, “There are not enough good men in this world,” can you please see it as a very interesting point of view? In other words, every time you hear information about men, dating, relationships and love, instead of aligning with it, just see it for what it is, an interesting point of view. If you do align with such conclusions, I guarantee that you will experience what you don’t want. Hmmmm… Is that working for?

Ready to hear about an effective process that will help you to release your destructive points of view about love? It means to activate the power of you, which is not overwhelming or controlling another person nor about placing controls on your own life. The ‘power of you’ is about allowing yourself to be all of you without conclusions, points of views and any other limiting thoughts or behaviors. Your power is about you pulling in love by using the unlimited supply of energy that is available 24/7. You have more than enough energy from the Universe to do anything and everything you desire in your life, so let’s do that now and pull in the love that you’ve been dreaming of.

The world functions on energy. The world pays in energy.  Everyone gives and receives as energy. You have an abundance of energy. – Tamara Green

7 Powerful Steps To Pull In Mind-blowing Love

  1. Relax your eyes and pull in love energy toward you. There is an endless supply of energy from the Universe. Just like turning on a light switch, what you’re doing here is simply asking the Universe to turn on the flow of love energy… then feel it coming over and through you like a gentle breeze. Feel the love energy flow to the front of your body; face, torso, legs and arms. Notice that there is plenty of energy available to you when you pull it in.
  2. Pull in love energy to the back of your body; head, back, legs and arms. The Universe loves gifting you with tons of love energy.
  3. Pull in energy to the right side of your body; face, shoulder, arm and leg. Allow this love energy in.
  4. Pull in energy to your left side of your body; face, shoulder, arm and leg. Your job is to receive this love energy. Do not block it with your doubts of whether this is working or not.
  5. Pull in energy up through the bottom of your feet. Have the energy rise up through your legs, torso and head. This is Mother Earth’s energy. Let her loving and healing energy come right in.
  6. Pull energy down from the heavens onto your crown chakra. Have the energy flow down your head, torso, legs and feet. Take in all of this beautiful energy.
  7. Now, feel the energy swirl all around you, through you, from the front through to the back, from the back through to the front, from the right to left, from the left to right. From down below to up above and from up above to down below. You have all of this wonderful love energy at your disposal, to do as you wish. What do you wish to do with all this amazing, healing, expanded and loving energy? How about pull in your beloved? He’s waiting for you to pull him in.

 Tip: Do this process everyday and trust that he will come. Don’t worry about when, where, who or how he’ll show up, but that he’ll show up. For an even more transformative experience, Tamara has created an audio of this process in her 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience bundle. Not only will you attract the man of your dreams, but you’ll fall madly in love with yourself in the process.

Testimonials To 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience

I did the entire 21 days of meditations and actually released bitterness toward my ex and my mother. I feel free for the first time in many years. I am going to do the 21 days again and see what I release this go around. How can I ever thank you for what you’ve done for me? You are a gift Tamara. Love, PJ from California

 Hi Tamara, Thank you for the opportunity for the meditation series and for being so open and kind to share with all of us your spiritual guidance. It has been a wonderful journey each and every day especially with the guided meditations.  You are so appreciated. Love, DR from New York

Tamara, I so value and respect your healing work. The 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience has changed my life in ways I never could’ve imagined. I now believe that not only do I deserve a loving relationship but that I’ll have one. Thank you so much (and keep it coming!), SC from Canada

Not only are the meditations amazing and transforming, but the music takes my soul to a place of bliss and joy. I am now excited to wake up every morning and create my new future. What a blessing you are! From the bottom of my heart, thank you! TN from United Kingdom