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Hi Tamara,

I am unhappy. There, I said it! I’ve been trying to focus on positive thoughts, but I just can’t deny any longer of how unhappy I am within my relationship and job. If my boyfriend would stop spending so much time on video games and be more focused on our relationship, I’d feel more fulfilled. If I got better pay and worked fewer hours, I’d feel more satisfied. But, it appears these things aren’t going to improve, even though I’ve tried everything to change them. Help! I want to be happy!

Signed: Unhappy

Dear Unhappy

I used to be very unhappy, too. I blamed my parents for my childhood wounds, my boyfriends for not fulfilling my needs, and my job for my deep sense of disappointment and dissatisfaction. In fact, I became so unhappy that one day I contemplated driving my car off a cliff. Thank God I didn’t, but I felt devastated inside.

That was a long time ago, but interestingly enough, it was my severe emotional pain that led me to my own salvation. I had to fall apart to begin putting the pieces of my life back together. It was through this hardship that I realized my happiness was not only my responsibility but also my choice.

By sharing this, am I suggesting that you, too, have to fall apart to find happiness like I did? No. That was my path. However, I’d like to help you get well on your way to self-discovery and happiness.

My personal and professional experience has shown me that unhappiness is the result of having conditions and agendas. To help you understand what this means and how to release them, I’ve created the 3 Steps to Happiness below.

3 STEPS TO HAPPINESS

Step 1 – Understanding Your Conditions and Agendas

Conditions are the circumstances affecting the way in which you live, especially with regard to your well-being.

Exercise: To get an idea of the conditional thinking you’re operating from in your life, complete this sentence (as many times as necessary): I won’t be happy unless or until ___(fill in the blank)___.

Example: I won’t be happy until my boyfriend spends more time focusing on our relationship.

Agendas are your conscious (or subconscious) plans or timetables that you use with as guidelines for yourself and others.

Exercise: To understand the agendas your operating from, complete this sentence (as many times as necessary): ___(Your plan for yourself and/or others)___ needs to happen within ___(your timeline)___ in order for me to be happy.

Example: Making more money needs to happen within 6 months in order for me to be happy.

Step 2 – Awareness of Your Conditions and Agendas

Having conditions and agendas makes for an unhappy life and is a recipe for disastrous relationships. It means that other people need to be, do or say things in a certain way in order for you to be happy. If they don’t, you end up blaming them for your unhappiness. By the way, you may be creating conditions and agendas for yourself, as well, which undermines your relationship with you.

No one has created your unhappiness but yourself. And, my dearest reader, as you’ve experienced for yourself, trying to be or think positive when you’re feeling unhappy is extremely difficult. To help you reach the positive state of mind that you desire, try this exercise.

Exercise: Ask yourself these awareness-type questions (repeat as many times as necessary):

• How many conditions and agendas am I using to create the reality that I’m choosing? Everything that is, am I willing to release them?
• What unawareness am I using to create the unhappiness that I’m choosing? Everything that is, am I willing to release them?

Tip: If you notice any resistance to this exercise, then keep repeating the questions until you feel lighter or better. Also, notice that you’re asking if you’re willing to let the conditions and agendas go. In the state willingness, anything is possible.

Step 3 – Forgiveness and Gratitude

Forgiveness and gratitude are your keys to happiness. When you stop blaming yourself and others for your experience, then freedom ensues. When you appreciate the fact that all of your circumstances have led you to this moment of forgiveness, happiness ensues. Therefore, forgiveness and gratitude equals freedom. Another word for freedom is happiness.

Exercise: To help you forgive yourself, complete this sentence (as many times as necessary): Even though I ___(what you’re blaming yourself for)___, I forgive myself. Doing so will set me free.

Example: Even though I sabotaged my good efforts, I forgive myself. Doing so will set me free.

Exercise: To help forgive others, complete this sentence (as many times as necessary): Even though they ___(what you’re blaming them for)___, I forgive them. Doing so will set us free.

Example: Even though they haven’t given me a raise in years, I forgive them. Doing so will set us free.

Great inner work!! Follow these 3 steps everyday for the next 30 days and enjoy your road to happiness!

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This blog post is featured in Tamara’s monthly column in My Authentic Life Magazine called Talk To Tamara. Click here to see the article.

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For those who are going through the cancer experience, feel calm in minutes by downloading the free Loving Meditations App. For more information, go to calmcancerstress.com.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Hi Tamara,

After the year I just had, I need inspiration. I’m involved in a brutal divorce and need to hear that something good is in store for me for 2018. I used to have a spiritual practice, praying my gratitude to God every morning, but now, I feel nothing but exhaustion and disappointment. What do you suggest I do to feel a sense of hope again?

Signed: Empty Shell

Dearest Empty Shell

The quick answer to your question is to ask for a miracle!

I hear you and know the feeling of exhaustion and emptiness that you’re talking about. When I was caregiving my husband, David, with stage IV cancer and our son, Mark, with Lyme disease, one night, I just needed a sign of hope to keep my spirits up… a miracle to keep me going.

My husband not only survived, but is now thriving! Yay! We since wrote an international best selling book titled, Live Calm With Cancer (and Beyond…) about our cancer journey together as patient and caregiver.

For inspiration, I’m sharing this excerpt from our book, which describes the miracle that happened for us. Enjoy!

“I remember this one night where I was particularly wiped out. Throughout the day, David was feeling quite miserable and I was very worried about him. Sometimes I knew what to do, but other times his agony made me feel quite helpless. Almost in tears, I got into bed and asked, “Angels, if you’re out there, please give me a sign that we’re all going to be okay.”

What happened the next morning astounded me.

It was a bitterly cold day and I was getting ready to de-ice my car’s windows so I could take Mark to school. And there, on my windshield, was the most amazing work of art I’d ever seen. Etched into the frosty window were hundreds of perfectly formed feathers. My jaw dropped in amazement as I soaked in the beauty and magnificence of this detailed design. The morning sun was beaming so brightly and directly onto this icy sketch, it sparkled with a pure white radiance.

Wanting to make sure I wasn’t just seeing things, I quickly ran into the house and woke Mark saying, “Oh my God, you have to see this!” He immediately jumped out of bed, dressed, and met me in the driveway. He, too, couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

We checked the windshield of David’s car, but his was just frosted over with no design. Mark grabbed my cell phone and began snapping photos. From the inside of the windshield, the sun cast a golden glow, lighting up the feather motif even more.

The experience we were having was otherworldly.

Finding his voice, Mark finally asked, “Mom, how could this be? How could such an amazing design end up on our windshield?”

Spellbound, I replied, “I asked the angels to show me a sign that we’re going to be okay, and I guess this is the sign.”

Just one year prior, Mark told me that he saw a beautiful white angel in our kitchen one evening, so hearing this really excited him. “How cool!” he exclaimed.

We continued to ooh and ahh over every inch of that windshield for the next five minutes.

One of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my entire life was to turn on the defroster in that car. We wanted to sit in our Honda and forever gaze at the wonderful gift from the angels. We got choked up and teary-eyed when we saw the feathers slowly melting away.

To this day, Mark and I still wonder in amazement at that magical morning. The blissful memory and message, however, is etched into our minds and hearts forever.”

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This blog post is featured in Tamara’s monthly column in My Authentic Life Magazine called Talk To Tamara. Click here to see the article.

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For those who are going through the cancer experience, feel calm in minutes by downloading the free Loving Meditations App. For more information, go to calmcancerstress.com.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Hi Tamara,

I’ve been enjoying your three-part series on the Universal Laws. Thank you for giving me a better understanding of the them and how to put them into practice. I’m happy to say that I’ve gained new insights into the relationship issues that my husband and I have been experiencing. Therefore, I’m looking forward to reading about the final four Universal Laws.

Signed: Grateful

Dearest Grateful

I’m happy to hear that this series on the Universal Laws has been beneficial!

In this three-part series, I shared that the Laws are principles by which everything in this Universe is governed and that when you apply and align with them, your life flows with ease and grace. The four Laws from last month’s column were:

• Cause and Effect – Nothing happens by chance or outside Universal Laws.
• Compensation – Abundance is your inalienable right as the Divine Being that you are.
• Attraction – Like attracts like.
• Perpetual Transmutation – Constantly moves into physical form.

Drum role please… it’s time for the last four Universal Laws.

Understanding Universal Laws and Putting Them Into Practice:

Relativity – Nothing can be bigger or smaller, lighter or heavier, better or worse, until you relate it to something.

Attention: Practice gratitude for every situation because, relatively speaking, there’s always someone else that has it much worse than you.

Polarity – Everything has an opposite: light-dark; good-bad; up-down.

Awareness Exercise: To transform your negative self-talk, it’s important to focus on what you desire more than what you don’t desire. Higher thought equals higher vibration. However, it can be difficult to concentrate on the positive when there are issues in your relationship. To help shift your focus, try this four-step exercise.

1. List all the things you don’t want in your relationship any longer. For example: I don’t want my husband to look away when I’m trying to tell him something.
2. One by one, turn each of the ‘I don’t want’ statements into a ‘I want’ statements. For example: I want my husband to give me eye contact when I’m trying to tell him something.
3. Turn your ‘I want’ statements into ‘I am so happy and grateful that’ declarations. For example: I am so happy and grateful that I feel heard by my husband.
4. What you focus on expands so with your full attention, spend five minutes each day repeating your ‘grateful declarations’. Commit to doing this for the next 30 days. Notice how things begin to shift within you… and eventually, within your relationship.

Rhythm – Life is a series of seasons, cycles, and patterns. What goes up must come down and vice versa.

Attention: During the “negative” part of a cycle or pattern in your relationship, rise above it by focusing on the benefits of what’s to come.

Gender – Every idea or seed has a gestation or incubation period.

Attention: Have total faith that your relationship goals will actualize in physical form when the time is right. Remind yourself that the Universe has your back and that all is well.

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This blog is featured in Tamara’s monthly column in My Authentic Life Magazine called Talk To Tamara. Click here to see the article.

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For those who are going through the cancer experience, feel calm in minutes by downloading the free Loving Meditations App. For more information, go to calmcancerstress.com.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Dear Tamara,

Just like last month’s reader, I have been having relationship problems. However, I read your column about the Universal Laws, did the exercises as you suggested and I’m already getting a better understanding as to why we’ve been having so many difficulties. Therefore, I’m looking forward to reading more about the Universal Laws and doing even more homework!

Signed: Willing To Do The Work

Dearest Willing To Do The Work

Great job! I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing the exercises from last month, and as a result, getting an understanding of what’s going on in your relationship.

Welcome to the next part in this series on the Universal Laws how using them can help improve the relationship you have with yourself and your partner.

Last month, I shared that Universal Laws are principles by which everything in this Universe is governed and that when you apply and align with them, your life flows with ease and grace. The four Laws from last month are:

• Divine Oneness – We are all One and deeply connected to everyone and everything else.
• Vibration – Everything in this Universe vibrates and moves.
• Action – What materializes in your physical world is a result of your actions.
• Correspondence – As above, so below.

Let’s get the nitty gritty on the next four Universal Laws.

Understanding Universal Laws and Putting Them Into Practice:

Cause and Effect – Nothing happens by chance or outside Universal Laws.

Attention: Your every action, including thought, has a consequence. This is also referred to as the Law of the Circle. Energy is magnetized and used and always returns to its original sender. For example, if one experiences happy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a constructive way. If one experiences unhappy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a destructive way. In other words, you reap what you sow.

Compensation – Abundance is your inalienable right as the Divine Being that you are.

Awareness Exercise: On a blank piece of paper, write a list of all the things in your life that are flowing in abundance, such as gifts, money, love, blessings, etc. Next, write a list of all the things in your life that are not flowing in abundance. For the next seven days, keep track of your time spent focusing on the what’s flowing or what’s not flowing. It’s good to be aware of what you’re focusing on.

Attraction – Like attracts like.

Attention: Positive energy (high vibration frequency) attracts positive energies or outcomes. Negative energy (low vibration frequency) attracts negative energies or outcomes.

Perpetual Transmutation – Energy constantly moves into physical form.

Attention: Where your mind goes, energy goes. The images you hold in your mind will materialize. Energy follows thought and intention.

Exercise: Visualize, in detail, an outcome you’d love to experience. For example, let’s say it’s been a long time since you and your boyfriend went out dancing. For the next 30 days, commit to visualizing that you’re having the time of your life while dancing by his side. Smile as you’re envisioning the happy expression on his face because he’s with you. Feel excited as you anticipate one of the best nights of your relationship.

Stay tuned for more in next month’s column where I’ll uncover the meanings and uses of the next four Laws: Relativity; Polarity; Rhythm, and Gender. Understanding them will dramatically help any troubled relationship.

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This blog is featured in Tamara’s monthly column in My Authentic Life Magazine called Talk To Tamara. Click here to see the article.

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For those who are going through the cancer experience, feel calm in minutes by downloading the free Loving Meditations App. For more information, go to calmcancerstress.com.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Dear Tamara,

In the past several years, my marriage has been on the rocks. To cope, I’ve become a spiritual seeker and have enjoyed the perspectives you impart in your monthly columns. May I ask, what are the Universal Laws and how can I use them to rebuild the relationship with my husband? I crave the closeness and sparks we used to have.

Signed: Seeker of Truth and Sparks

Dear Seeker of Truth and Sparks

What a great question! By understanding and practicing the Universal Laws, you will enhance your relationship, not only with your husband, but also with yourself.

Ready to put some deliciousness back into your marriage? Over the next three months, I’ll share the Twelve Universal Laws (four in each of my monthly columns), their meaning, and how to align with them for relationship success.

What are the Universal Laws?

The Laws are principles by which everything in this Universe is governed. In other words, they are the glue that holds everything in existence together. More than five thousand years ago, Ancient Greece and India secretly taught its guidelines, professing that perfect harmony is a possibility because of these principles. When you apply and align with the Laws, your life flows with ease and grace. When you misuse them, fear takes over and problems arise.

On a personal level, the misapplication of the Laws creates illness, limitation, despair, and a sense of separation from others, and more importantly, from Source. On a more global level, the abuse of the Laws creates violence, wars, ignorance, and misery.

The initial step to mastery is to comprehend these principles. The next step to is to put them into practice. And, there is no better training for spiritual mastery than relationships!

Understanding Universal Laws and Putting Them Into Practice:

• DIVINE ONENESS – We are all One and deeply connected to everyone and everything else.

  Exercise: Repeat this mantra for the next three days: My husband and I are One. Make note of any changes within you or your marriage when operating from this awareness.

• VIBRATION – Everything in this Universe vibrates and moves. (Note: Every object, sound, feeling, and thought has its own vibrational frequency, unique unto itself.)

  Attention: At any given time, you and your husband are vibrating from the energy of either fear (judgment) or love (awareness).

• ACTION – What materializes in your physical world is a result of your actions.

  Exercise: On a blank piece of paper, write down any actions or behaviors you and your husband (list yours and his separately) have taken that stem from fear, such as, criticism, jealousy, worry, finger pointing, etc. Next, record the results of these fearful behaviors. For example: I blamed him for not caring about my feelings. As a result, he shut down and wouldn’t talk to me for two days. Have you noticed that fear-based actions often result in disappointment, mistrust, or resentment?

  Now, write down any actions or behaviors you and your husband (list yours and his separately) have taken that stem from love, such as, gratitude, patience, interest, compassion, etc. For example: He helped me study for my exam by quizzing me. As a result, I aced the test. I appreciate him so much. Have you noticed that love-based actions usually result in feelings of happiness, trust, or closeness?

• CORRESPONDENCE – As above, so below.

  Attention: Since everyone and everything is One and came from the same Source, there is no difference between you and the Universe and vice versa. Therefore, the wisdom and mysteries of the Universe lie within. To find out for yourself, commit to a daily practice of meditation or mindfulness.

Stay tuned for next month’s column where I’ll uncover the meanings and uses of the next four Laws: Cause and Effect; Compensation; Attraction; and Perpetual Transmutation.

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This blog is featured in Tamara’s monthly column in My Authentic Life Magazine called Talk To Tamara. Click here to see the article.

---

For those who are going through the cancer experience, feel calm in minutes by downloading the free Loving Meditations App. For more information, go to calmcancerstress.com.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Dear Tamara,

In last month’s column, you wrote about the benefits of meditation and how it can help enhance a relationship. Because I’ve been over-reactive with my boyfriend, reading your article has convinced me that I need to begin my own practice. Can you give me some ideas on how to start it and stay on track?

Signed: Meditation Novice

Dear Meditation Novice

Great decision, so good for you!

There is not a single person who has embarked on a spiritual practice, like meditation, who at some point, wanted to stop, distract herself or quit altogether. The following tips will help you achieve the best results in your new mindfulness experience.

Eight Keys For A Successful Meditation Practice

1) Commit to doing a meditation everyday, even if for only 5 minutes. When starting a practice, the natural tendency is to give up too quickly. Even with the best intentions, about half of you readers will succumb to your old behaviors of self-sabotage by missing days or even dropping out altogether. Is that going to be you?! I hope not!! To keep your commitment, schedule a daily reminder in your calendar.

2) Set your intention. Creating a goal for a successful practice is important. Go ahead and set your intention to meditate everyday with great results. For example, your objective could sound like this, I intend to meditate for at least five minutes everyday, bringing more calm and ease into my life.

It helps to create a special intention for missed days. To help keep you on track, make a special goal of meditating twice as long in the 24 hours following a missed day. For example, your objective could sound like this: My intention is 5 minutes of daily meditation. However, if I miss a day, my goal is to meditate for at least 10 minutes in the following 24 hours.

3) Pick that one time per day that works best for you. Studies show that if you meditate the same time everyday, you will have a more profound result. You may chose to meditate when you wake up, over lunch, after dinner or before going to bed. Whichever time you prefer, stick with it throughout your daily practice.

4) Pick a quiet place in your home, office, nearby beach or park, etc. that becomes your sanctuary. Make sure it’s a place where you can’t be easily distracted. If you have younger children, make sure it’s during their sleep time. Turn off your wireless devices and take care of any other possible disruptions.

5) Refrain from giving meaning or judgment to the thoughts, beliefs, fears, emotions and feelings that will pop during meditation. When they arise, DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF. Gently smile and let them float away. Know that what emerges is ready to leave your system. That’s right, all thoughts, beliefs, fears, emotions and feelings that surface are actually trying to leave your mind and body, so let them. Be the witness and observer of what arises and watch them gently float away. Even for the most seasoned meditator, thoughts come up. IT’S NO BIGGIE. Just notice them with interest and curiosity, which allows them drift away. Then, refocus your attention back onto the your meditation.

6) Be patient with yourself. There’s no way to do meditation wrong. As with any new practice, patience is your virtue. Be patient and kind to wonderful YOU!

7) Wear headphones. By using wireless devices to listen to guided meditations, you’ll enhance the sound by using headphones or ear buds. This helps to create a more deep and transformative experience. Also, being ‘hands free’ gives your body a chance to relax and release even more.

8) Reward or treat yourself. This is vital commitment you’re making for your mind, body and soul, which deserves to be praised and honored. At least once per week, treat yourself to something wonderful. Decide what that reward is going to be ahead of time so the incentive for continuing your practice stays a priority. Here are some suggestions:

• Take a scented bath at the end of each week
• Schedule a healing body or reflexology massage
• Watch your favorite comedian or movie on Netflix or YouTube, especially ones that make you laugh or feel good.

Enjoy your meditation practice!!

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This blog is featured in Tamara’s monthly column in My Authentic Life Magazine called Talk To Tamara. Click here to see the article.

---

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!