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Hi Tamara,

I need your help with making a decision. I’m in a partnership with a really great guy; he’s totally into me and I really like him, too. Part of me wants this relationship and part of me doesn’t. For some reason, which I can’t figure out, some days I’m 100% into him and some days I’m thinking of letting him go. Can you give me some insight as why I’m so back and forth about such a warm and wonderful man?

Signed: Conflicted


Dearest Conflicted

To help you understand your bewilderment, I’m going to share about the different ‘parts’ of you. These ‘parts’ can have contrasting agendas, which may be causing your confusion and inability to make a decision about this relationship.

Think of yourself as a machine, a tool containing parts that uses energy to perform an intended action, which includes awareness. Machines are usually powered by mechanical, chemical, thermal, or electrical means, but the machine that is you is powered by the needs and agendas of your different parts.

Right now, the different parts of your machine are in conflict with one another. Each part is trying to convince you that its agenda should be your top priority. That is, parts of you want a full commitment with this man while other parts of you don’t.

To get clarity on what may be going on, read The 7 Parts (Agendas) Of You listed below and answer each of the corresponding questions.

Art Giser – the creator of Energetic Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a gifted healer, intuitive, NLP trainer, life coach, and corporate consultant in leadership and teamwork. I was listening to him being interviewed on a podcast while he masterfully described our different parts and agendas and how to bring them together as one aligned agenda, which then reduces internal conflict. With pen and paper in hand, I feverishly wrote the concepts that Giser was describing, so I hope my chicken scratch notes below do justice to the brilliance of his work.

The 7 Parts (Agendas) Of You

  1. Physical Body Depending on the day or whom you’re with, your body’s agenda is to be touched, caressed, pampered, rested, exercised, admired, lusted after, to have sex and fun. Questions: What are your body’s agendas? Is this relationship meeting your body’s needs and desires?
  2. Conscious Mind This is your thinking mind, the part of you that you’re aware of: your values, which drive your thoughts and goals. Based on your values, you consciously make decisions and goals nearly everyday. For example, your conscious mind’s agenda may include being in a relationship with a warm and wonderful man who’s totally committed to you. Questions: What are your top values, thoughts and goals? Is this partnership in alignment them?
  3. Subconscious Mind Like most people, you may be unaware of what’s going on with this part of your being. Your subconscious mind is where your inner-child resides, which desires and deserves love, acceptance, safety, understanding, nurturance, tenderness and affectionate care. (Note: Loving your inner-child is the same as being self-loving.) If your childhood experience showed you that relationships were wrought with emotional pain, your inner-child may be sabotaging any efforts toward your conscious mind’s goals for love. Questions: What is your inner child’s agenda within this relationship? Is she getting her needs and desires met?
  4. Ancestors/Family This is the part of you that is programmed or ‘learned.’ Brain science shows that most beliefs are formed by the age of seven years old and did not originate with you. Also, some studies have revealed that 97% of your DNA is like storage units holding sound bites from your ancestors. Questions: What is your family’s agenda regarding relationships? Do you feel pressured to get married? Do you sense that your family wants you to or leave or stay with this man?
  5. Mass Consciousness You are one part of the whole human race. Mass consciousness has collective beliefs, which are certainly on a grand scale. Much of the world population considers ‘coupling’ as desirable and even necessary. More and more people, however, are choosing not to be in a full-blown committed relationship, which is perfectly fine. It’s important for you to be clear about what you desire. Question: Imagine being in this relationship five years from now. Does this feel light (your truth) or heavy (not your truth)?
  6. Soul Your soul makes contracts with your Highest Self to evolve. Therefore, your soul’s agenda is to reach personal goals and spiritual initiations within each incarnation. For example, through this relationship, your soul may be trying to release karma from past lifetimes, to set boundaries, to speak your truth, to let love in, etc. Questions: What are your soul’s agendas? Is your sense that this relationship is aligned or not aligned with your soul’s purpose?
  7. I Am Presence (or Highest-Self) Did you know that you are a very intricate and multi-dimensional being? Your I Am Presence is your highest non-physical dimension of you. It sees the big picture, and has since your very first incarnation. This part is the real you, your infinite-being self. It is not your ego, and therefore, carries no pain, attachment or judgment. When your I Am Presence sees something that’s coming into your future, such as a relationship, it shows up to you as a passionate desire. Question: Do you, or do you not, have a strong desire to be in this relationship, even though you’re not sure why?

Good work! You’ve probably gained new insights and are therefore better informed to make your decision to leave or stay in this relationship. If you still feel conflicted, then everyday for the next 30 days, repeat this mantra before going to bed: All parts of me come together as one unified agenda with ease. I am in harmony, am clear, and at peace. For best results, please stay committed to this mantra for the full 30 days. In the meantime, have faith that your questions will be answered.

This blog post is featured in Tamara’s monthly column in My Authentic Life Magazine called Talk To Tamara. Click here to see the article.

For those who are going through a challenging experience, like cancer and other medical illnesses, feel calm in minutes by downloading the free Loving Meditations App. For more information, go to

Want dating and relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s guidance and finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles by clicking here.

XOXO Tamara

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