Tag Archives: emotions

Happy Thanksgiving from Me to You!

In America, we love to say “thank you” on our most wonderful holiday – Thanksgiving. However, I want to seize this opportunity to express my gratitude to all of my readers from all every corner of the globe. You mean the world to me. I appreciate your integrity, interests and passions in whatever you do. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving!

– Tamara and her Loving Relationship Team

Please enjoy the grateful, fun and inspiring words of blogger, Marta Edmisten.

I am thankful for all the beauty that I can now find-almost every day.

I am thankful for the smiles of strangers and the gift of witnessing the wisdom of my dog. (I seriously doubt I’ll ever be able to consistently live in the moment as he does, or be so unabashedly all about love… I’m not ruling it out though.)

I am thankful that I still walk this earth. It is a luxury.

I am thankful for all the people who have loved and supported me – family, friends and people I’ve never met, especially those who never gave up on me even when I had.

I am thankful for the people who have given me the privilege of loving and supporting them.

I am thankful for everyone who has forgiven me when I screwed up royally.

I am thankful all the people (famous and unknown) who have fought tirelessly for the rights and dignities of others, animals and our planet.

I am thankful for every, book, movie, piece of art that brings me joy – better yet, makes me think.

I’m plain old thankful!

Soon, I hope, I’ll be thankful for:

  • A basic understanding of my computer and punctuation. 🙂
  • Being able to prepare food that is more often tasty than not.
  • Not running out of milk for my coffee in the morning, OR learning to enjoy my coffee straight up. (Marta-mornings are NOT pretty without coffee!)
  • Being thankful every day.

With Love and Gratitude,

Marta

 

The energy of gratitude is the gateway to positive change. – Tamara Green, Lovingly Relationship Expert

This photo shows Marta’s tattoo on her arm. Don’t you love it?

change tattoo

Marta lives in Brooklyn, NY with her dog BullyBean.marta-edmisten

To Show My Thanks, Get 50% Off All of My Products!

To show my thanks and appreciation for you,  you can get all of my products for 50% off from now until January 2016! Enjoy!

 Click here to SHOP NOW.

3 Action Steps Now To Stop The Next Round Of Arguments

Upset_Couple_Sitting_On_Bed_Se_cropped

There you go again. You and your partner fell into that awful pattern of yelling, negativity and even threats of leaving the relationship. You both are miserable but can’t quite figure out how to fix this problem. This has been going on for far too long and you are both sick of it, yet perplexed on how to solve this frustrating and endless cycle.

Even though things may have calmed down, you need an action plan now to help prevent the next round of arguments. Your next fight just may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and ends your relationship for good.

As a couple’s counselor for over 27 years, I can say with absolute conviction that this action plan works. I guarantee that if, starting today, you follow this plan to the tee, you will stop this relationship-killing pattern and completely turn things around. Is it an easy plan of action? No. Is it worth it? A resounding yes! But then, our most challenging patterns turn out to be our greatest lessons in life, right?

Take These 3 Action Steps To Prevent The Next Round Of Arguments:

1. Take full responsibility for your part in the argument.

It’s time to get humble, authentic and honest. Leave your victim-type thoughts and words out of this conversation. Victim consciousness includes blaming, judgments, criticisms, complaints and accusations. This step requires you to own up to your part, NOT THEIR PART, only yours. Make a list of your behaviors and words during the argument that you are not proud of. This takes guts but you can do it, especially if you want to stop this crazy pattern that you and your partner are in. Use your list to create your ‘I’m taking responsibility’ statements.

Here’s an example of what you could say to your partner: “Now that things are calm between us, I’d like to take responsibility for my part in our argument. I was blaming you for ___(fill in the blank)___ and that wasn’t helpful or kind. I am sorry for saying what I said. I have decided that I need to work on my habit of blaming. Please forgive me. I don’t want this to ever happen again, so I’m making a commitment to work on changing it.” Extra kudos points if you tell your partner what you are committed to do to make sure you will not do this again: start therapy, take an online course, do a workshop, read a self-help book, take up meditation, etc.

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.
2. Commit to the 90-10% Rule.

Spend 90% of your time and focus looking at your behaviors and emotions versus your partners. Instead of looking at what they need to change, you make a commitment to changing you. Spend 10% of your time focused on the relationship and on your partner. 90% you – 10% your partner. The interesting thing is, the more time you spend loving and honoring you, the more able you are to authentically love your partner. In other words, your partner benefits tremendously when you are taking care of yourself.

By the way, this 90-10% rule also works great in other areas of your life. For example, if you are an entrepreneur, spend 90% of the time working on you and 10% of the time working on your business. The 90-10% is a secret to success and happiness. 

3. Make a daily and forever practice of gratitude.

This one tip has saved marriages on the brink of divorce, so this is yet another powerful part of the action plan. What you focus on is what you experience. So please stop focusing on what you don’t like or want anymore. Be in the practice of telling your partner at least 3 things about them that you are grateful for – every single day. Tell them what you admire, what you love about them and what they do that makes you feel happy and special. That way, you’ll get more of what you love about them and less of what you don’t.

Same goes with you. Everyday, tell yourself at least 3 things of what you love and admire about yourself. In other words, compliment yourself – a lot!

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.

Finding Gifts In Every Challenge: 3 Rounds Of Ho’oponopono

beach couple

Challenges can be emotionally and even physically painful, not only for you, but also for your loved one who is often right by your side. I know because I was there when my husband, David, was going through his major life challenge – cancer. Together, we experienced the emotional shock of hearing the doctor tell him, “You have stage-4 cancer.” During his chemo, radiation and finally major surgery, he was so uncomfortable that it was sometimes difficult seeing him go through it. His challenge became my challenge, too. Even so, the experience turned into amazing gifts for both of us. Here are three:

  • David is now cancer free and healthy as ever.
  • Our relationship grew even closer.
  • We use our unique talents to create healing meditations that we love to gift to others. In our Loving Meditations audios, I guide you with my words while David’s music takes you into an even deeper and tranquil state. The combination is powerful.

Every challenge has a degree of benefit and your job is to find what those benefits are. To help you do this, I will share with you a meditation using an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness called Ho’oponopono (pronounced Hoe’ oh-poe-no-poe-no).  When done regularly, it can be quite healing.

Everything in your life – your likes, dislikes, passions, health problems, relationship, etc. – you create.  In fact, you create everything your experience. How, then, can you deal with the challenges you create? By using Ho’oponopono to speak directly to Source energy with the following phrases:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

When looking at another person (and sometimes yourself) and feeling disgust, anger, judgment, hatred, etc., whatever comes up, just feel it – it’s okay. Then say to yourself (not out loud) – to your connection with Source energy:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

Everything you experience in your outer world, you experience in your inner world.  Therefore, the problems and challenges need to be corrected and healed within you by offering them to Source energy – which is the energy of unconditional love.

As you may experience in the 3 rounds of Ho’oponopono, it gives you the power to erase negative beliefs and outcomes.  As you do it for you, you also do it for others… and, consequently, the world.

3 Rounds Of Ho’oponopono:

You’ll get a better understanding of what the phrases mean and how they will release you as we go along. Take three deep breaths to get started. Relax your eyes and lower your shoulders. Say to yourself – to Source energy:

Round 1… Releasing Fear
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being scared… I’m sorry for feeling the way that I do. I’m sorry for believing the illusion of fear… for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind when I didn’t mean to be. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… Thank you… I know that fear is only a projection of my mind. Thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release my fear. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.
Round 2… Releasing Self-Hatred
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for hating myself… I’m sorry for feeling the way that I do. I’m sorry for making myself wrong… I’m sorry for beating myself up… for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind and not realizing what I was doing to myself. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… thank you for this experience… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… I know that this hatred is only fear projected onto myself. Thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release my self-hatred. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.
Round 2… Releasing Anger
  • I’m sorry… I’m sorry for holding onto anger… I’m sorry for beating myself up for feeling angry… I’m sorry for projecting my anger onto others… I’m sorry for unconsciously bringing this onto myself… This has been eating me up inside… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.
  • Please forgive me… for being so blind and not realizing what this is doing to me. Please forgive me… I know that forgiveness is setting me free, so please forgive me.
  • Thank you… Thank you for this experience… Thank you for helping me. I know that gratitude is a transmuting energy, so thank you… I know that this moment is perfect, just as it is. Thank you… I know that holding onto anger only keeps me tied to my past. I am not a victim, so thank you… for bringing me into this moment so that I can release this anger. Thank you.
  • I love you… and I love knowing that everything is love, including me. I love you… the name of Source energy… the name of this experience… I love you.

You did a great job. This is your inner wisdom at work. Everything you experience in relationships is never between you and someone else. It’s between you and Source energy and it’s between them and Source energy – never between you and them.

Recite the phrases in any order.  Never say it to another person, just to yourself.  Say the Ho’oponopono phrases around the clock:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.”

To have your challenges turn into gifts, have Ho’oponopono constantly playing in the background of your mind. In doing so, your life will be transformed.

Step into the world of pure surrender, forgiveness and bliss by listening to this blog as an audio (24 hour replay available on Monday). To receive this creation by Tamara and David, please make sure you are signed up for Miracle Mondays Meditation.

Sending you off with love…

You Will Experience Your Love Desires: 3 Universal Truths That Prove This, Part II

IMG_2582I know an amazing woman named Brooke. She came to one of my workshops where I gave the homework assignment of writing on Post-It notes, “The Universe Has My Back,” and sticking them all around the house – as a constant reminder that we are always loved, supported and guided. Brooke did so, even though her kids teased her. But that didn’t stop her because she was soothed by the daily reminder that, yes indeed, the Universe really does have her back.

Today, Brooke sent me a photo of a miniature-sized Adirondack Chair with the words written on it, “The Universe Has Your Back Brooke” (see photo). Her daughter, 14-year-old Jill created it at her camp and sent this photo to her Mom.

Two weeks ago, in my blog, You Will Experience Your Love Desires: 3 Universal Truths That Prove This, Part I, I gave you 3 Universal Truths that prove that your love desires will actualize. Let’s explore, then, why you haven’t yet created them and how to unblock this loveless and vicious cycle.

Universal Truth #1: You have a Higher Self that guides every moment of your existence.

Are you tuned in to that guidance? Every thought you have is like a hypnotic suggestion, therefore, what are you thinking when you think about love? What are your true beliefs about love? If you are single, you may have a belief that love is difficult to attract, or, that you have to give up something (like yourself) to have love. Or maybe you don’t believe that you are good enough for love. If you are already in a relationship, then maybe you believe that you shouldn’t fully trust because you’ll just get hurt or dumped. Therefore, the question to ask yourself is, are your thoughts hijacking your love intention?

 Tip to tune into your own higher guidance: Write a list of every complaint you have about your love life (or lack thereof). One by one, take each complaint and say the opposite. In other words, turn it into an affirmation that you’ll repeat for the next 30 days. For example, if your complaint is that it’s difficult to find love. Switch it to the opposite by writing, “It’s easy to find love.” Go ahead and turn each complaint into a positive and reap the benefits of a rewired and positive mind.

 Universal Truth #2: Time exists only in this moment.

Having a grudge about something that happened in your past or having ill feelings about someone is the fastest way to sabotage your good intentions for love. Also, focusing on the future that’s not even here yet is often not helpful. For example, one of the fastest ways that women sabotage a date is by immediately deciding whether the guy is marriage material or not. Ladies, please stop that because it takes you right out of the present moment and produces anxiety for you and your date.

Tip to stay present: Do what Brooke did. Stay calm and present by reminding yourself that the Universe has your back. Go ahead and write that on at least 20 Post-It notes and stick them around your home. They will be your constant reminder to stay present, relax and enjoy your life as it is.

Universal Truth #3: Having a desire means that it will actualize.

Most people doubt this and try to use their brains to figure out what to do instead of being with what is. People tend to stick with their bad habits of negative self-talk and behaviors.

Tip to have what you desire: Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have.

I’d like to thank Brooke for sharing her daughter’s beautiful creation and for reminding us all that your love desire will actualize if you let your Higher Self guide, love and support you.

4 Self-Nurturing Habits That Help Conquer Relationship Agony

rowingDuring my undergraduate years at University of Southern California (USC), I rowed starboard for Women’s Varsity Crew. I loved the sport, even though the physical pain during races were almost unbearable. Sophie Pendrill, one of the Lightweight 8 U.S. National Champions, was reported as saying in The Scarsdale Inquirer (my local newspaper), “I was in so much pain. It’s very hard to explain the amount of pain I was in, but it was happy pain because we wanted to win by so much, and we did!” Sophie and I understand that if you want something bad enough, not only are you going to go through pain to get it, but it’s also worth it in the end.

Like rowing in a regatta, relationships can certainly cause tremendous pain, even agony. However, relationships are so worth it, right? What would life be without them? Nothing. Therefore, I’ve devoted my career to attracting, nurturing and preserving loving and healthy relationships. Would you like to find out how to have less pain and stress in your relationship? Then keep reading…

I was fortunate to be interviewed on the Making Dads Fertility Telesummit last week by Kristen Darcy. If you want great tips on how to get through stressful times in your relationship, then I strongly recommend that you listen to this very fun and upbeat hour on Google Hangout. It is filled with tools to get you through relationship stress during challenging times. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Did she just say that it was a ‘fun and upbeat hour’ about stress in relationships? What’s fun and upbeat about that?” Well, you have to watch the video to see how to stop taking all that ‘serious’ stuff so seriously. In doing so, your relationship will reap the benefits. Here’s an overview of what Kristen and I discussed during the interview:

4 Self-Nurturing Habits For Happy Relationships

  • Mindfulness: Be mindful of your thought patterns. What are you telling yourself about your situation? When you feel into that, does it feel bad or good? If it feels bad, then you are operating from judgment and fear. If it feels good, then you are operating from awareness and love. To keep you functioning in awareness, then ask yourself, “What unawareness am I using to create the ___(pain/agony/hopelessness…)___ that I’m choosing.” Don’t answer this or you’ll fall back into judgment. Instead, just ask and notice how much lighter you feel.
  • Calm your mind and receive. A relationship problem is a receiving problem. An unsettled mind is the equivalent to being un-receiving (which means you’re in judgment and fear). When you’re not receiving, you are blocking all the good stuff that’s trying to come your way. A meditation practice is a great way to receive loving energy on a regular basis. Join the Miracle Mondays Meditation community for free weekly guided meditation audios.
  • Take care of your inner child. Due to your relationship challenges, are you beating yourself up or feeling like a failure? Then, your inner child is suffering big time. And, if your inner child is suffering, then you’re causing yourself and your relationship unnecessary misery. Can you imagine if you were walking down the street and saw a terrified child being yelled at by their parent? Essentially, that’s what you’re doing to your own inner child. It’s time to change that damaging pattern to one of care, love and nurturance. Start today with a practice of complementing yourself, even for the tiniest things. For example, complement yourself for getting up and out of bed this morning. Don’t stop there; keep complementing, until you feel lighter and better.
  • Write a fan letter to you. Be your own avid fan by being in the practice of writing wonderful letters to yourself. For example, list all the reasons why you are a good person, how caring you are, and how proud you are of your accomplishments. Doing so will keep you feeling very good about yourself. When you feel good about you, then your relationship challenges will most likely dissolve.

Practice these self-nurturing tips to become the champion in your relationships – that is, the relationship with your partner AND WITH YOURSELF.

If you’d like to watch my entire interview on Restoring Intimacy and Healing from the Making Dads Fertility Summit  last week, you can watch it here! Thanks to Kristen Darcy for having me!

 

7 Powerful Steps To Pull In Mind-Blowing Love

sunset-hairSingle women make finding love very difficult. But, what if it’s as simple as pulling in love? Before I teach you how to do that, let’s first start with an assignment: Grab a piece of paper and write down 3 points of view that you have about love. Don’t write down what you’d like to experience, but rather, what you actually tell yourself about love, men, dating or relationships. Here’s a list of statements I’ve heard plenty of times in my practice over the years. Do you have the same or similar beliefs?

  • There are no great single men. They are either married or gay.
  • I attract men that treat me like dirt.
  • Men can’t commit.
  • I’m too independent for a relationship.
  • No man wants to date a single mother.
  • I’m not dating material because I’m too ___(old, young, fat, thin, poor, rich, etc.)___.

Are these statements hard cold facts? NO! They are just interesting points of view. There’s nothing true about them. You may be believing them and therefore experiencing them, but they certainly don’t have to be true for you.

If your friend said, “There are not enough good men in this world,” can you please see it as a very interesting point of view? In other words, every time you hear information about men, dating, relationships and love, instead of aligning with it, just see it for what it is, an interesting point of view. If you do align with such conclusions, I guarantee that you will experience what you don’t want. Hmmmm… Is that working for?

Ready to hear about an effective process that will help you to release your destructive points of view about love? It means to activate the power of you, which is not overwhelming or controlling another person nor about placing controls on your own life. The ‘power of you’ is about allowing yourself to be all of you without conclusions, points of views and any other limiting thoughts or behaviors. Your power is about you pulling in love by using the unlimited supply of energy that is available 24/7. You have more than enough energy from the Universe to do anything and everything you desire in your life, so let’s do that now and pull in the love that you’ve been dreaming of.

The world functions on energy. The world pays in energy.  Everyone gives and receives as energy. You have an abundance of energy. – Tamara Green

7 Powerful Steps To Pull In Mind-blowing Love

  1. Relax your eyes and pull in love energy toward you. There is an endless supply of energy from the Universe. Just like turning on a light switch, what you’re doing here is simply asking the Universe to turn on the flow of love energy… then feel it coming over and through you like a gentle breeze. Feel the love energy flow to the front of your body; face, torso, legs and arms. Notice that there is plenty of energy available to you when you pull it in.
  2. Pull in love energy to the back of your body; head, back, legs and arms. The Universe loves gifting you with tons of love energy.
  3. Pull in energy to the right side of your body; face, shoulder, arm and leg. Allow this love energy in.
  4. Pull in energy to your left side of your body; face, shoulder, arm and leg. Your job is to receive this love energy. Do not block it with your doubts of whether this is working or not.
  5. Pull in energy up through the bottom of your feet. Have the energy rise up through your legs, torso and head. This is Mother Earth’s energy. Let her loving and healing energy come right in.
  6. Pull energy down from the heavens onto your crown chakra. Have the energy flow down your head, torso, legs and feet. Take in all of this beautiful energy.
  7. Now, feel the energy swirl all around you, through you, from the front through to the back, from the back through to the front, from the right to left, from the left to right. From down below to up above and from up above to down below. You have all of this wonderful love energy at your disposal, to do as you wish. What do you wish to do with all this amazing, healing, expanded and loving energy? How about pull in your beloved? He’s waiting for you to pull him in.

 Tip: Do this process everyday and trust that he will come. Don’t worry about when, where, who or how he’ll show up, but that he’ll show up. For an even more transformative experience, Tamara has created an audio of this process in her 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience bundle. Not only will you attract the man of your dreams, but you’ll fall madly in love with yourself in the process.

Testimonials To 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience

I did the entire 21 days of meditations and actually released bitterness toward my ex and my mother. I feel free for the first time in many years. I am going to do the 21 days again and see what I release this go around. How can I ever thank you for what you’ve done for me? You are a gift Tamara. Love, PJ from California

 Hi Tamara, Thank you for the opportunity for the meditation series and for being so open and kind to share with all of us your spiritual guidance. It has been a wonderful journey each and every day especially with the guided meditations.  You are so appreciated. Love, DR from New York

Tamara, I so value and respect your healing work. The 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience has changed my life in ways I never could’ve imagined. I now believe that not only do I deserve a loving relationship but that I’ll have one. Thank you so much (and keep it coming!), SC from Canada

Not only are the meditations amazing and transforming, but the music takes my soul to a place of bliss and joy. I am now excited to wake up every morning and create my new future. What a blessing you are! From the bottom of my heart, thank you! TN from United Kingdom

 

How To Heal Your Relationships That Cause You Pain

girl in forestSome years ago, I had a difficult relationship with someone.

Whenever I was on the phone or visiting this person, she always found something to criticize about me and about my life. It got to the point that when I knew I was going to see or talk to her, I would get anxious and angry, even weeks in advance. The more I started working on my issues, however, the more I realized that she was a reflection of me in terms of what I didn’t like about myself.

She was unconsciously expressing these things right back to me. She was simply a mirror to my lack of loving myself. Whenever you are looking for someone to give you the love that you are not willing to give to yourself, you create need. I certainly thought I needed her validation – which was an unfair expectation.

So, I asked the Universe to help me shift my perspective and to love myself and her all at the same time. When I woke up the next morning – I envisioned a technique of healing this relationship.

The truth is, you are whole and complete within yourself now. Whenyou authentically love yourself, you begin to attract the type ofrelationships you yearn for, which is based in oneness rather than need. When you operate from this loving Self, you are able to honor other’s perspectives, without arguing about their “wrong” viewpoint or being attached to your “right” viewpoint. Different perspectives are just that – different – not wrong nor right.

And BTW, the result of the Healing Your Relationship visualization I did with this person so many years ago was downright miraculous. Because I stayed focused on loving myself, not needing or expecting from her and then visualizing what I wanted to experience, that next visit with her was fantastic!

She, without even being conscious of it, was mirroring the love and respect that I was feeling for myself. It was a wonderful visit filled with smiles and hugs.

Tamara’s Tips:
1. See what your relationships are reflecting back to you. It takes courage but it’s so worth it.
2. Stop the “I’m right” and “You are wrong” game and be open to other people’s point of view.
3. Keep focusing on what you want in your relationship vs what you don’t want or fear. What you focus on is what you continue to experience.

The 3 Do’s And Don’ts: How To Get Your Guy To Hear You Out

Upset_Couple_Sitting_On_Bed_Se_6432266My new client, Tanya, told me this week, “Tamara, time and time again, I try to get my feelings across to my guy, but he doesn’t seem to get it, listen or even care. What the heck is the going on?!” Tanya continued to share that she and her boyfriend have been arguing quite a bit lately, mostly over “little stupid things” and is very frustrated that they can’t seem to stop the pattern of quarreling. I told Tanya if she followed the 3 Do’s (Bologna Sandwich) and avoided the 3 Don’ts (listed below), that she could get out what you wants to say in a loving and productive way.

The 3 Do’s To Get Your Guy To Hear You Out: Make A Bologna Sandwich

In these steps, I’ll use Tanya’s issue as an example of how to stop the arguing and start the constructive conversations in your relationship, where each person hears the other out.

 Step 1) The Bottom Slice of Bread

The first step is to compliment him – to get him to be open and receptive to what you have to say. This is the first slice of bread of your bologna sandwich, where you tell your guy something positive, affirming and wonderful. It is important that you are being authentic or else he’ll get that you are B.S.ing him. What Tanya said to her guy was: “You’re such a good person, William. You care deeply about things, like your family, your friends and about me. It’s just one of the things I love about you.

Step 2) The Meat

Here’s the ‘meat’ of the sandwich (conversation) – the bologna. This is where you share with him what’s going on with you and what’d you like to experience with him. (Tip: When you use the word ‘we’ instead of ‘you,’ it feels less attacking). Tanya said, “We haven’t been talking very calmly these days. It’d be wonderful if we could have constructive conversations rather than arguments all the time. That’d mean a lot to me and I know we can do it.” She went on and shared the impact that the arguing was having on her, “I’ve been going to bed very upset and confused these days. I want nothing more than to be close to you and am trying to figure out how to do that.” Here is where you want to ask about his experience. Tanya continued, “What has it been like for you, are you as confused as I am?” As you can tell, there was no attacking or blaming. For the first time in a long time, they had a meaningful exchange that was beginning to end their feud.

Step 3) The Top Slice of Bread

To insure a future with more open and constructive conversation, top it off with positivity. What Tanya relayed next was, “I’m glad that we could talk in a calm way. I deeply care about you and this relationship and look forward to many more meaningful conversations. I love you.

3 Don’ts On Getting Your Guy to Hear You Out

The thing to remember is to never use the “c” words.

  • Don’t Criticize. Never put your guy down for not hearing you out. Doing so only alienates him, makes him defensive and has him feeling like a failure. Instead, be in the practice of focusing on what you love and appreciate about him. Verbalize this to him often. In doing so, you’ll get less of what you don’t want and more of what you do want. When he does listen, compliment him by saying, “Thanks for hearing me out, that meant a lot to me.
  • Don’t Complain. By nature, men are problem solvers. If you complain enough, you are shutting him down. He will literally tune you out, because eventually, he will not see a solution to the problem and give up. Instead, be in the practice of telling him why you choose to be in this relationship with him. Tell him what’s great about him – a lot!
  • Don’t Catastrophize. Drama is a relationship killer, so do whatever you can to stay away from overreaction. In other words, whatever you are taking so seriously, please stop. Lighten up by telling yourself, it’s all going to work out just fine.

Tanya began instituting these positive tidbits into her relationship with William and as a result, they are in a much happier and peaceful place.

7 Tips to Keep Your Emotions in Check

rain painYesterday, I was asked if I could talk about how to release negative emotions. On the heels of some current events, she was experiencing not only her own anger and upset, but her friend’s, as well.

All of your emotional upsets are caused by lack of harmony, imbalances and unresolved issues, from your past or present, in the emotional body.  Now, here’s the kicker, 98% of that upset is what you picked up from other people. That’s right, you are picking up other people’s feelings, thoughts and emotions all of the time. For example, my client realized that she was feeling just fine until her friend called her. She now knows that she picked up her friend’s upset and took it on as her own.

Your body is an amazing energy-sensing machine and has its own consciousness.  It is designed to give you sensory input, but most people don’t even realize that they’re taking on someone else’s upset. Ever since you were in the womb, you have been a sponge that picks up the energy around you all of the time. Have you ever been referred to as being too sensitive? The truth is that your sensitivity is actually your gift – your ability. You are so much more psychic than you give yourself credit for. The problem is not your sensitivity, it’s that you are taking on the energy of other people and making it your own.

 What, then, can you do when the negative emotions take over?  

Tamara’s 7 Tips For Keeping Your Emotions In Check:

  • Who does this belong to?

First and foremost, ask yourself; Who does this belong to? You don’t even have to answer the question to begin to feel a shift. Only the ego wants to know the answer. If you’re still in a funk, then ask, Hey body, what awareness are you sharing with me? Or, What awareness am I avoiding? Another great question is; What’s the gift in experiencing this now?

  • Stop yourself from reacting

Reaction indicates that you are judging what you are experiencing. For example, you may be judging that you are wrong or that they are wrong. Instead of going there, just say to yourself; They have an interesting point of view, and, I have an interesting point of view. This helps you to stop taking what’s happening between you so seriously and personally. If you do react, please don’t beat yourself up. Be kind and just laugh it off.

  • Accept rather than resist

Be neutral. Be like Teflon and let what negativity or judgment that is coming your way, slide right past you. Don’t let it land with you.

  • Forgive yourself

Forgive yourself for any transgression or neglect that has been displayed toward your Higher Self; I’m sorry for letting that land with me, or, I’m sorry for believing the illusion that it was mine, not theirs.

  • Choose another perspective

Take action by choosing another perspective. If you let the negativity land with you, you are choosing to take it seriously and to engage with it.  Instead, choose something else. Ask yourself; What do I choose to experience now? Or, I choose to remain happy, harmonious and grateful and I claim my freedom from other people’s emotional energy.

  • Let it go

Release it by making it part of your past. Stay present. Be in faith and trust that you are a divine and infinite being. Each new moment is your chance to play and create something new.

  • Be grateful

Be thankful for this experience. Thank you body for giving me more awareness. I am grateful for your loving assistance and guidance.

Here is a list of positive emotions or states of mind that you can now focus on:

  • Acceptance – Everything is what it is
  • Energy – All that life is made up of
  • Joy – How you were born into this life
  • Creativity – What you came here to experience – to create upon create
  • Tranquility – A choice that is always possible
  • Freedom – Being in the state of allowance with what is
  • Wisdom – Every cell of your body is tuned into Universal Intelligence
  • Peace – What’s actually possible on this earth
  • Harmony – When you are in fluidity with your Highest Self
  • Health – Being in the state of congruency with life
  • Abundance – The truth of what life really is
  • Love – Who you really are

 

Each new moment is your chance to play and create something new. – Tamara Green

 

 

Handling Your Partner’s Emotions

Happy children sitting on green grass outdoors in summer parkWhat if you could save your relationship by not engaging in your partner’s upsets, moods, anger, blame, and verbal attacks?  What if you could stop taking all of that personally?  What if you no longer felt like you had to defend your side of the story?

I ask these questions to my clients and they often become confused asking me in return, “Tamara, how could I not take it personally when he’s yelling at me and blaming me for losing his temper?” or, “How can this relationship be saved when she goes off on me every other week?” or, “He’s wrong, so don’t I need to defend my point of view

I want you to imagine that you and your partner are like tennis balls, playing a game of tennis. Your ball is your own special brand of energy, which is based on your own ancestral and childhood experiences. Your partner’s has his own special brand of energy, based on his ancestral and childhood experiences. Now, the tennis game starts when you meet. This game is fun, exciting, uplifting and wonderful.

Then, one day, he becomes triggered by something you said or did, that really has nothing to do with you, he’s just reminded of a painful experience from his past. His tennis ball ends up in your court with a whole lot of anger, upset, or what have you. You then pick up that ball filled with his energy, get triggered yourself, based on your own painful past experiences, add to that ball and lob it right back in his court with your negative energy added to it.  Then, he has to defend himself on top of his anger, which adds even more energy to that ball, he lobs it back to you…..you add more of yours…..and back and forth it goes, until you are both so upset, so angry and wondering, “can we even be together?

Know that you, and almost everyone else on this planet, is operating from a place of having a story. This story is your life or your background, whether you came from a broken home, were abused, abandoned, or mistreated. This story of your life is yours, but it’s not you. It’s not who you really are, but it’s certainly your creation – a creation that you probably adopted from your family.

What I want to make very clear is that you and your partner are a made up of pure energy. That’s who you really are. You are not your story. Only your ego wants you to believe that. Who you really are is pure potential that can create (and dis-create, for that matter), manifest and actualize anything that you choose. ANYTHING!

Now, I am going to share with you how to handle your partner’s emotions. When he or she is triggered and coming at you with anger, which means they are deeply entrenched in their painful story in that moment:

  1. Don’t argue against, or try to change, their point of view. Just listen. You can even say to yourself, “it’s an interesting point of view.” Feel even curious about their perspective. Don’t judge it. Don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you.
  2. Don’t get caught up in the illusion that he or she has to change. Trust that they are who they are and that they are going to do what they always do. For example, she may feel more emotional during that time of each month, and he may be extra irritable when something at work didn’t go well. Never try to change the other, just be with who they are.
  3.  Be neutral, or in a state of allowance, to their energy. Don’t try to resist or block what they are dishing out. When you do, that negative energy lands in you. When you are neutral, that energy goes through you. It slides right past you. Also, this means that you are not engaging them in their story. Keep your barriers down. This may take practice, but it’s completely possible.
  4. Be grateful for who the other person is. You cannot be in the state of reaction, or judgment, and gratitude at the same time. In judgment, you are defending your point of view. However, finding what you are grateful for keeps you from judging. In gratitude, you may even become aware that you are choosing to not be in this kind of relationship any longer. At that point, you can choose what you wish to create. Gratitude tunes you in to the realm of possibility.

I know that what I’m listing here will be a challenge for many of you, but with a practice of quieting your mind, soothing the soul and loving yourself, it’s all very possible. For example, listening to this meditation is taking care of you. Therefore, I challenge you to make this your priority so that you can experience lasting communion with your beloved.

Tips:

  1. Don’t argue their perspective. Just listen.
  2. Don’t try to change them. Be with who they are.
  3. Don’t resist. Be neutral.
  4. Don’t judge. Be grateful.