During my undergraduate years at University of Southern California (USC), I rowed starboard for Women’s Varsity Crew. I loved the sport, even though the physical pain during races were almost unbearable. Sophie Pendrill, one of the Lightweight 8 U.S. National Champions, was reported as saying in The Scarsdale Inquirer (my local newspaper), “I was in so much pain. It’s very hard to explain the amount of pain I was in, but it was happy pain because we wanted to win by so much, and we did!” Sophie and I understand that if you want something bad enough, not only are you going to go through pain to get it, but it’s also worth it in the end.
Like rowing in a regatta, relationships can certainly cause tremendous pain, even agony. However, relationships are so worth it, right? What would life be without them? Nothing. Therefore, I’ve devoted my career to attracting, nurturing and preserving loving and healthy relationships. Would you like to find out how to have less pain and stress in your relationship? Then keep reading…
I was fortunate to be interviewed on the Making Dads Fertility Telesummit last week by Kristen Darcy. If you want great tips on how to get through stressful times in your relationship, then I strongly recommend that you listen to this very fun and upbeat hour on Google Hangout. It is filled with tools to get you through relationship stress during challenging times. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Did she just say that it was a ‘fun and upbeat hour’ about stress in relationships? What’s fun and upbeat about that?” Well, you have to watch the video to see how to stop taking all that ‘serious’ stuff so seriously. In doing so, your relationship will reap the benefits. Here’s an overview of what Kristen and I discussed during the interview:
4 Self-Nurturing Habits For Happy Relationships
- Mindfulness: Be mindful of your thought patterns. What are you telling yourself about your situation? When you feel into that, does it feel bad or good? If it feels bad, then you are operating from judgment and fear. If it feels good, then you are operating from awareness and love. To keep you functioning in awareness, then ask yourself, “What unawareness am I using to create the ___(pain/agony/hopelessness…)___ that I’m choosing.” Don’t answer this or you’ll fall back into judgment. Instead, just ask and notice how much lighter you feel.
- Calm your mind and receive. A relationship problem is a receiving problem. An unsettled mind is the equivalent to being un-receiving (which means you’re in judgment and fear). When you’re not receiving, you are blocking all the good stuff that’s trying to come your way. A meditation practice is a great way to receive loving energy on a regular basis. Join the Miracle Mondays Meditation community for free weekly guided meditation audios.
- Take care of your inner child. Due to your relationship challenges, are you beating yourself up or feeling like a failure? Then, your inner child is suffering big time. And, if your inner child is suffering, then you’re causing yourself and your relationship unnecessary misery. Can you imagine if you were walking down the street and saw a terrified child being yelled at by their parent? Essentially, that’s what you’re doing to your own inner child. It’s time to change that damaging pattern to one of care, love and nurturance. Start today with a practice of complementing yourself, even for the tiniest things. For example, complement yourself for getting up and out of bed this morning. Don’t stop there; keep complementing, until you feel lighter and better.
- Write a fan letter to you. Be your own avid fan by being in the practice of writing wonderful letters to yourself. For example, list all the reasons why you are a good person, how caring you are, and how proud you are of your accomplishments. Doing so will keep you feeling very good about yourself. When you feel good about you, then your relationship challenges will most likely dissolve.
Practice these self-nurturing tips to become the champion in your relationships – that is, the relationship with your partner AND WITH YOURSELF.
If you’d like to watch my entire interview on Restoring Intimacy and Healing from the Making Dads Fertility Summit last week, you can watch it here! Thanks to Kristen Darcy for having me!