I love featuring guest bloggers, so please enjoy this one about the ups and downs of being a single woman in Boston while searching for ‘the One.’
Shopping For ‘The One’
More than two years ago, while in a failing eight year relationship and swimming in debt, I couldn’t imagine how anyone would be able to go it alone in a world where anything of high quality came with an even higher price tag. As I wasted months delaying the inevitable and dreading the decision to part from my high school sweetheart, I knew I had to take control of my life’s desires. Without a warning about life in a one-woman show, this 25-year-old first time single female set out in search of ‘the One.’
During that time, life came with its fair share of struggles as I turned to family, friends, counselors, spiritual advisers, and even a psychic for answers to my burning questions. I laughed and cried, almost loved and lost, obsessed, gave up, then danced and sang through the pain. Despite each fall, I got back on the horse, learning more about myself in the process.
For some, finding the right ‘One’ is easy. It comes wrapped with a pretty little bow and life goes on. Wanting to, but refusing to look back and harp on my unluckiness in love, I made it a goal to strive for ‘anything but dull’ and to become someone that I would admire.
I am an interior designer at Boston’s most prestigious architecture firm, designing multi-million dollar corporate interiors. In my free time, I also volunteer my graphic design services, creating anything from logos and business cards to wedding invitations and baby announcements. I have a fantastic family and a dynamite group of Zumba-loving friends, a new two door coupe, my own apartment in the city, and an active full life.
The minute my relationship ended, I surrounded myself with family and friends, and decided to explore the city that I didn’t know, despite living in it for six years. I met new people through new hobbies, began working out, volunteering, and took up writing. I have more hobbies than I can count, am rarely bored, and hardly ever turn down plans, especially after realizing how much of life is measured in experiences.
Somewhere in between, I find time to window-shop for boys.
Filtering through attractiveness, age, height, education, and zodiac sign (just to name a few) the idea of online dating was an exciting thought in the beginning. “Bald and short men need not apply!”
Fast-forward two years, when the bald ones become my favorite and the height requirement came down a few inches. It was becoming crystal clear to me why dating is a bouquet of smoke and mirrors. With over 30 first dates under my belt and an average of weeding through 7-10 duds to find a match, I had been left to wonder, Why I am the exception? On the path to bettering myself, meeting many people along the way, I raised my standards. Rushing to find someone became second to finding my equal. True chemistry proved rare, but essential. Finding the right person at the right time surfaced as another seemingly impossible necessity.
I had wanted the process of finding ‘the One’ to feel like Christmas morning instead of wondering if I should get a gift receipt. It’s been a journey of emotional ups and downs on what feels like an endless ride on a roller coaster. Each time I get to know someone new, it’s filled with mystery, questions, uncertainty, anxiety, and self-consciousness. At times, I’ve debated signing up for a match-making television show, knowing full well I am not built for TV. Other times, I’ve joked about a billboard-sized single’s ad with a ‘1-800-‘ number.
I’ve been someone’s rebound, someone’s one-that-got-away, someone’s future nothing, someone’s fun night, someone’s right now, someone’s foreign love affair, someone’s lover turned friend, and painfully enough, someone’s “maybe someday.” Each time, I try to remember that I am putting a mark on their lives as they are putting theirs on mine.
People come into your life for many reasons. Some come long enough to teach you something and then disappear, while others come in as a little boost to make me realize, I’ve still got it!
While in search, I try to remind myself, this is my life for now, but it can change in an instant with everything before it a distant memory.
Like anyone else, I have good and bad days and can feel completely alone, even in a room filled with my favorite people. There are some days where no amount of tears, friends, fro-yo, or ‘tattling on your ex to his mother’ can take away the pain of a broken heart. Eventually, time heals most wounds and I realize that I wouldn’t be half the person I am without each failure, success, new experience, interest, and character.
Still to this day, I am learning how to let go, to love, and to be patient. I just have to keep moving forward, until I find what works.
With all my dating, relationships, loves and losses, I have to believe that anything worth anything is worth the work and worth the wait.
Samantha Darcy is an interior designer living in Boston, Massachusetts. She started writing in 2013 at the end of a nearly 8-year relationship with her high school sweetheart. After an outpouring of encouragement to write about her experiences, she started compiling stories of life, love, loss, and dating on her journey to find ‘the One.’ You can read more blogs from Samantha at FindMyHand.wordpress.com.