RelationshipsTamara's Blog

How To Heal Your Relationships That Cause You Pain

By May 23, 2015No Comments

girl in forestSome years ago, I had a difficult relationship with someone.

Whenever I was on the phone or visiting this person, she always found something to criticize about me and about my life. It got to the point that when I knew I was going to see or talk to her, I would get anxious and angry, even weeks in advance. The more I started working on my issues, however, the more I realized that she was a reflection of me in terms of what I didn’t like about myself.

She was unconsciously expressing these things right back to me. She was simply a mirror to my lack of loving myself. Whenever you are looking for someone to give you the love that you are not willing to give to yourself, you create need. I certainly thought I needed her validation – which was an unfair expectation.

So, I asked the Universe to help me shift my perspective and to love myself and her all at the same time. When I woke up the next morning – I envisioned a technique of healing this relationship.

The truth is, you are whole and complete within yourself now. Whenyou authentically love yourself, you begin to attract the type ofrelationships you yearn for, which is based in oneness rather than need. When you operate from this loving Self, you are able to honor other’s perspectives, without arguing about their “wrong” viewpoint or being attached to your “right” viewpoint. Different perspectives are just that – different – not wrong nor right.

And BTW, the result of the Healing Your Relationship visualization I did with this person so many years ago was downright miraculous. Because I stayed focused on loving myself, not needing or expecting from her and then visualizing what I wanted to experience, that next visit with her was fantastic!

She, without even being conscious of it, was mirroring the love and respect that I was feeling for myself. It was a wonderful visit filled with smiles and hugs.

Tamara’s Tips:
1. See what your relationships are reflecting back to you. It takes courage but it’s so worth it.
2. Stop the “I’m right” and “You are wrong” game and be open to other people’s point of view.
3. Keep focusing on what you want in your relationship vs what you don’t want or fear. What you focus on is what you continue to experience.

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