What is confidence? It’s literally a fire in your belly, a stable and solid connection with Earth. It’s like an engine, providing the power to move you forward in your life. Dating without confidence, unfortunately, is a common phenomenon. Are you going out on dates and winging it, hoping that he or she will find you attractive and desirable? Like so many, are you focused on your fear of being rejected? Studies have shown that both men and women share this fear. They go out worrying about how they look, how they are going humiliate themselves and how their date is going to reject them. This is especially true for those with an ailment or disability. Men and woman have told me that they would rather stay home than have their worst rejection fears come true. However, I have worked with people of all sizes, shapes, ages, ailments, issues and situations who overcame their shame and embarrassment and stepped right into a loving relationship. I will share with you what I’ve told them, the 3 main secrets to gaining confidence while dating. It all has to do with your body, mind and soul.
Body Secret: People who have a lot of confidence tend to be robust and filled with vitality. They tend to feel warm in their bellies, providing a feeling of strength and wellness. People who lack confidence, however, may be leading too much of a sedentary life, feel cold in their bellies, have a lack of vitality and energy, and actually have difficulty receiving love. People with weakness in the Second Chakra, which is 2” below the navel, can experience confusion, purposelessness, jealousy and envy. Vulnerability in this area of the body can create impotence, uterine and/or bladder problems. Why is this? Ilchi Lee, Author of Healing Chakras, wrote, “In Asian medicine there is a concept called ‘water up – fire down’. It refers to the fact that, when in balance, the body demonstrates a very predictable pattern of circulation of energy. As the phrase suggests, when we are healthy, cool water energy should rise in the body, cooling the brain. Heat energy, on the other hand, should remain low in the body. When we are healthy, both mentally and physically, we keep a ‘cool head’ and a warm abdomen.”
Lack of confidence, therefore, is too much heat in the head and not enough warmth in the belly. To gain confidence, then, is to ‘water up and fire down’. If you follow the Confidence Building Meditation below, you’re going to activate your 2nd Chakra, heat up your belly, cool down your head and release all that stinkin’ thinkin’, which definitely creates your lack of confidence.
Mind Secret: Stop putting focus on you. Rather, put your attention on your date. People with shyness overcome this problem when they learn to transfer their attention onto a person, rather than on their own insecurities. I looked up the word ‘attention’ in a Thesaurus and these attributes were listed: caring, courteous, considerate, kind, helpful, thoughtful, and responsive. These are absolutely the qualities you want to express on a date, right? Of course you do!
Here’s a quick tip to stay mindful on the person you are with: Act as if you are an artist that is going to paint a portrait of your date. While in conversation, notice the shading of their skin and decide what colors you would choose to paint their face. Notice the shapes of their eyes, mouth and jaw and how you would draw that out on your canvas. Continue to notice the fine details of their features. You’ll find that your attention easily remains on them instead of you. This calms your mind and creates more presence. Try it, it’s fun!
Soul Secret: People are most calm and confident when they are in, what I call, the ‘neutral zone’. Neutrality is a state of balance, harmony and presence. It’s when you are OK with what is. Instead of having judgments or opinions of yourself or your date, you are just curious and interested in what shows up. I call this ‘dancing with presence’. Most people, however, communicate through their thoughts and emotions and not through their soul. To be free of your thoughts and emotions is to experience a life with no limitations. Thoughts (which creates heat in your head) and emotions are the lower harmonics of energy vibration, which creates energy blockages in your body. To release the blocks and have free flowing energy throughout, I created the Confidence Building Meditation, which combines the mind, body and soul secrets for great success in your love and dating life. Do you want to enjoy your next date with absolute confidence? Then, do this meditation before you go out. It’s invigorating!
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Confidence Building Meditation:
Take off your shoes and stand with your feet flat on the floor, a little more than shoulder distance apart. Slightly bend and loosen your knees. Smile, this helps your body to relax. It’s hard to smile and be tense at the same time. Get the image of a gorilla pounding on his chest with his fists, but instead of focusing on the chest, you will be rhythmically drumming on your belling with your soft fists. I like to use the pinky finger side of my fists to pound on my abdomen, just 2” below the navel. Relax your body, close your eyes if you want to, and start the drumming beat. One, Two, Three, Four…One, Two, Three, Four…alternating your right and left fists – One, Two, Three, Four…One, Two, Three, Four. Tap on your belly as hard as you’d like. If you feel some pain, it means that you have blockages in this area, so keep going and breathe through it. Breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Eventually, the pain should subside. The key is to keep going and keep smiling. J (Note: If you feel sever pain, then immediately stop tapping. You may have a condition that requires a consult with a medical practitioner, especially if the pain persists.)
What you’re doing is warming up your belly. To help cool the mind, at the same time, gently shake your head back and forth as if saying “NO”. This helps to draw the stuck energy from your head down to your belly. “Water up – Fire down”. Do this for one minute more, while at the same time, keeping your attention fully on your 2nd Chakra. If you find that your mind drifts off, gently place your attention back onto your belly. “Water up – Fire down”, “Water up – Fire down”. (Extra Brownie points if you go for a full 5 minutes.)
By the way, your internal organs are getting an amazing workout and massage by doing this. For those of you with bladder and other similar problems, don’t be surprised that your condition improves, but only if you do this exercise regularly. Your body really loves this healing energetic release.
Stop and shake out your hands and feet as if you are shaking off mud. This helps to release the stuck energy even more. Now relax your head and hands and straighten your knees. Just feel the energy flowing nicely throughout your body. Breathe in….breathe out…Two more deep inhales and exhales.
Does your belly feel warmer? If not, you’ll want to continue tapping until it warms up. The key is for your mind to stay focused on your 2nd Chakra.
“Where your mind goes, energy goes, so stay focused on what you want.” Tamara Green
Here’s where the meditation gets really fun. Stand in a warrior position – legs at least shoulder distance apart and raise up your arms as if you have won a victory. Say out loud:
- I feel confident!
- I Am vital!
- I feel good!
- My body is balanced!
- My mind is free!
- I Am in the ‘Neutral Zone’!
(Repeat until you feel the energy of these words vibrating throughout your body. When you experience a lightness and expansiveness, then you know that you are there.)
Excellent! You did a great job! Now, go on that date and enjoy yourself. Each time you need to boost your confidence, remember to go over the 3 Secrets To Dating With Confidence and to do the meditation. And, for heaven’s sake, HAVE FUN!