Do you remember what it felt like when you first got together with your partner? The romantic sparks were flying, you were so excited to be together, you couldn’t stop thinking
Then time went by and the “fall in love” hormone (oxytocin) stopped flooding your bodies. Old relationship patterns began to surface, such as expecting things from one another and you found saying things like, “He needs to call me everyday!” and “She needs to understand me without my having to explain everything.” Then came the judgments, for example, “He’s so inconsiderate of my feelings!” and “She’s always nagging and suffocating me with all of her demands!” The Loving Relationship Sun got smaller and darker. of each other and you were constantly planning what you would do or say when you were together again and in each other’s arms. The energy that you two were being was spectacular and huge – the size of the sun. The energy of you two together was powerful because you were contributing, honoring, trusting, open with your feelings and had so much gratitude for one another. You began as, what I like to call, the Loving Relationship Sun. The energy of your loving, like the rays of the sun, was literally felt by those around you.
Then came the anger and frustration with lots of arguments or even worse – the silent treatment. The Loving Relationship Sun shrinks, becoming even more dull and gray. Your bond reaches a high point of disillusion, deficiency and catastrophe. The relationship is in constant turmoil and the “Sun” is now the size of a pea, all black and shriveled.
The Loving Relationship Sun originated as so bright and shining and now it’s dark and withered. Deep down, you know that you still love each other, but you have no clue how to get back to that original sunny way being together.
OK. Are you ready to hear that one simple tip to help your Loving Relationship Sun to brightly shine again? Yes? Here it is:
Every day for the next 30 days, tell your partner (via text, email, phone or in person) at least one thing about him or her that you are happy about, appreciate, thankful or grateful for. It doesn’t matter how angry you are at someone, you can always find something (about him/her) that you appreciate. Even if only one of you in the couple is sharing their daily gratitude, there is huge benefit for you and for the relationship by doing so. By all means, don’t stop.
Commit to the full 30 days and see how things start to change for the better, just like it did for me in my own wonderful marriage of 19 years. As a Loving Relationship Expert and Couple’s Psychotherapist, I have seen marriages on the brink of divorce turn completely around with this easy first step and I know that you and your partner can do it, too. Make a stand for yourself, your mate and your relationship and turn it back into your brightly shining Loving Relationship Sun.
Stay tuned for next week’s Blog from Tamara where she explains the details of what happens in failing relationships. Also, she will give other tips that help bring couples back to their original state of Loving.
” You are like a sun, whose rays reaches out to infinity. However, with every judgment you have of yourself, in your situation or of others, your sun-rays can only reach as far as your nose.” – Tamara Green, Loving Relationship Expert