I used to bumble around in my life, trying to figure things out on my own and wondered why I was a big hot mess. Experiencing one huge struggle after the next, I spent most days feeling out of control. I was deeply influenced by others’ opinions of me. So eager to please, I accepted crumbs from all of my relationships. I hated myself and kept turning to others to give me the love that I wasn’t even willing to give myself.
Today is 4th of July, a U.S. holiday that represents independence. In those days, however, I felt anything but independent or free. In fact, I was in my own jail. Very dependent on others for constant direction and support, my core foundation was weak and easily crumbled at any harsh judgment or unkind word. I believed that my happiness was in the hands of others. It didn’t take much for me to be taken off course by the people and events around me. I even considered suicide, hoping to end the tortuous struggle that was my life.
Then, I found a book that saved my sanity and my life called Lazaris, The Sacred Journey: You And Your Higher Self, published in 1987. This book launched me into self-discovery. There was a particular section in the book that I read over and over. It talked about how we are never alone and that there is a Source energy that is nothing but Love. Because I spent much of my life feeling lonely, reading this was a huge comfort. By invoking this Source-Love energy, I eventually came to realize that life is not just about having things and surviving; it is about having a profound relationship with me and my Highest Self, which in turn, keeps me tuned in to Source.
My personal exploration led me to a daily practice of calling in the Love energies (also known as the 7 Sacred Flames), which completely transformed my life. As a result, I fell in love with me. Once I declared authentic love for myself, it wasn’t long before I met and married my soul mate and had 2 wonderful children. Today, I am also blessed with health and vitality and have a dream career. Now, everyday is Independence Day, filled with freedom and joy.
As a psychotherapist and relationship expert, I have certainly seen my share of people craving freedom from their struggles. Therefore, wanting you to be independent from constant fear, confusion and upset, I created an eBook packed with valuable information about the very same Source-Love energies that lifted me out of my own struggles.
7 Sacred Flames To Transform Your Life: Your Daily Roadmap To Anything You Desire
This eBook will launch July 15th, but you can have it FREE by registering your email in this link
You, too, will make everyday Independence Day! Now, that’s worth celebrating!!
Stay tuned for next week’s blog where I share more exciting information about how the Flames will help you become ‘Lucky In Love’.
During my undergraduate years at University of Southern California (USC), I rowed starboard for Women’s Varsity Crew. I loved the sport, even though the physical pain during races were almost unbearable. Sophie Pendrill, one of the Lightweight 8 U.S. National Champions, was reported as saying in The Scarsdale Inquirer (my local newspaper), “I was in so much pain. It’s very hard to explain the amount of pain I was in, but it was happy pain because we wanted to win by so much, and we did!” Sophie and I understand that if you want something bad enough, not only are you going to go through pain to get it, but it’s also worth it in the end.
Like rowing in a regatta, relationships can certainly cause tremendous pain, even agony. However, relationships are so worth it, right? What would life be without them? Nothing. Therefore, I’ve devoted my career to attracting, nurturing and preserving loving and healthy relationships. Would you like to find out how to have less pain and stress in your relationship? Then keep reading…
I was fortunate to be interviewed on the Making Dads Fertility Telesummit last week by Kristen Darcy. If you want great tips on how to get through stressful times in your relationship, then I strongly recommend that you listen to this very fun and upbeat hour on Google Hangout. It is filled with tools to get you through relationship stress during challenging times. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Did she just say that it was a ‘fun and upbeat hour’ about stress in relationships? What’s fun and upbeat about that?” Well, you have to watch the video to see how to stop taking all that ‘serious’ stuff so seriously. In doing so, your relationship will reap the benefits. Here’s an overview of what Kristen and I discussed during the interview:
4 Self-Nurturing Habits For Happy Relationships
- Mindfulness: Be mindful of your thought patterns. What are you telling yourself about your situation? When you feel into that, does it feel bad or good? If it feels bad, then you are operating from judgment and fear. If it feels good, then you are operating from awareness and love. To keep you functioning in awareness, then ask yourself, “What unawareness am I using to create the ___(pain/agony/hopelessness…)___ that I’m choosing.” Don’t answer this or you’ll fall back into judgment. Instead, just ask and notice how much lighter you feel.
- Calm your mind and receive. A relationship problem is a receiving problem. An unsettled mind is the equivalent to being un-receiving (which means you’re in judgment and fear). When you’re not receiving, you are blocking all the good stuff that’s trying to come your way. A meditation practice is a great way to receive loving energy on a regular basis. Join the Miracle Mondays Meditation community for free weekly guided meditation audios.
- Take care of your inner child. Due to your relationship challenges, are you beating yourself up or feeling like a failure? Then, your inner child is suffering big time. And, if your inner child is suffering, then you’re causing yourself and your relationship unnecessary misery. Can you imagine if you were walking down the street and saw a terrified child being yelled at by their parent? Essentially, that’s what you’re doing to your own inner child. It’s time to change that damaging pattern to one of care, love and nurturance. Start today with a practice of complementing yourself, even for the tiniest things. For example, complement yourself for getting up and out of bed this morning. Don’t stop there; keep complementing, until you feel lighter and better.
- Write a fan letter to you. Be your own avid fan by being in the practice of writing wonderful letters to yourself. For example, list all the reasons why you are a good person, how caring you are, and how proud you are of your accomplishments. Doing so will keep you feeling very good about yourself. When you feel good about you, then your relationship challenges will most likely dissolve.
Practice these self-nurturing tips to become the champion in your relationships – that is, the relationship with your partner AND WITH YOURSELF.
If you’d like to watch my entire interview on Restoring Intimacy and Healing from the Making Dads Fertility Summit last week, you can watch it here! Thanks to Kristen Darcy for having me!
Single women make finding love very difficult. But, what if it’s as simple as pulling in love? Before I teach you how to do that, let’s first start with an assignment: Grab a piece of paper and write down 3 points of view that you have about love. Don’t write down what you’d like to experience, but rather, what you actually tell yourself about love, men, dating or relationships. Here’s a list of statements I’ve heard plenty of times in my practice over the years. Do you have the same or similar beliefs?
- There are no great single men. They are either married or gay.
- I attract men that treat me like dirt.
- Men can’t commit.
- I’m too independent for a relationship.
- No man wants to date a single mother.
- I’m not dating material because I’m too ___(old, young, fat, thin, poor, rich, etc.)___.
Are these statements hard cold facts? NO! They are just interesting points of view. There’s nothing true about them. You may be believing them and therefore experiencing them, but they certainly don’t have to be true for you.
If your friend said, “There are not enough good men in this world,” can you please see it as a very interesting point of view? In other words, every time you hear information about men, dating, relationships and love, instead of aligning with it, just see it for what it is, an interesting point of view. If you do align with such conclusions, I guarantee that you will experience what you don’t want. Hmmmm… Is that working for?
Ready to hear about an effective process that will help you to release your destructive points of view about love? It means to activate the power of you, which is not overwhelming or controlling another person nor about placing controls on your own life. The ‘power of you’ is about allowing yourself to be all of you without conclusions, points of views and any other limiting thoughts or behaviors. Your power is about you pulling in love by using the unlimited supply of energy that is available 24/7. You have more than enough energy from the Universe to do anything and everything you desire in your life, so let’s do that now and pull in the love that you’ve been dreaming of.
The world functions on energy. The world pays in energy. Everyone gives and receives as energy. You have an abundance of energy. – Tamara Green
7 Powerful Steps To Pull In Mind-blowing Love
- Relax your eyes and pull in love energy toward you. There is an endless supply of energy from the Universe. Just like turning on a light switch, what you’re doing here is simply asking the Universe to turn on the flow of love energy… then feel it coming over and through you like a gentle breeze. Feel the love energy flow to the front of your body; face, torso, legs and arms. Notice that there is plenty of energy available to you when you pull it in.
- Pull in love energy to the back of your body; head, back, legs and arms. The Universe loves gifting you with tons of love energy.
- Pull in energy to the right side of your body; face, shoulder, arm and leg. Allow this love energy in.
- Pull in energy to your left side of your body; face, shoulder, arm and leg. Your job is to receive this love energy. Do not block it with your doubts of whether this is working or not.
- Pull in energy up through the bottom of your feet. Have the energy rise up through your legs, torso and head. This is Mother Earth’s energy. Let her loving and healing energy come right in.
- Pull energy down from the heavens onto your crown chakra. Have the energy flow down your head, torso, legs and feet. Take in all of this beautiful energy.
- Now, feel the energy swirl all around you, through you, from the front through to the back, from the back through to the front, from the right to left, from the left to right. From down below to up above and from up above to down below. You have all of this wonderful love energy at your disposal, to do as you wish. What do you wish to do with all this amazing, healing, expanded and loving energy? How about pull in your beloved? He’s waiting for you to pull him in.
Tip: Do this process everyday and trust that he will come. Don’t worry about when, where, who or how he’ll show up, but that he’ll show up. For an even more transformative experience, Tamara has created an audio of this process in her 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience bundle. Not only will you attract the man of your dreams, but you’ll fall madly in love with yourself in the process.
Testimonials To 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience
I did the entire 21 days of meditations and actually released bitterness toward my ex and my mother. I feel free for the first time in many years. I am going to do the 21 days again and see what I release this go around. How can I ever thank you for what you’ve done for me? You are a gift Tamara. Love, PJ from California
Hi Tamara, Thank you for the opportunity for the meditation series and for being so open and kind to share with all of us your spiritual guidance. It has been a wonderful journey each and every day especially with the guided meditations. You are so appreciated. Love, DR from New York
Tamara, I so value and respect your healing work. The 21 Days To Self-Love Meditation Experience has changed my life in ways I never could’ve imagined. I now believe that not only do I deserve a loving relationship but that I’ll have one. Thank you so much (and keep it coming!), SC from Canada
Not only are the meditations amazing and transforming, but the music takes my soul to a place of bliss and joy. I am now excited to wake up every morning and create my new future. What a blessing you are! From the bottom of my heart, thank you! TN from United Kingdom
As a Love and Relationship Expert, I am often asked the question, “Tamara, am I too independent to have a long term relationship?” I have been asked this question a number of times throughout the years especially by single women who are well established in their careers and lifestyles. I tell my clients that we first have to get to the underlying fear of being “too independent.”
For example, read this dialogue I had with my client, Joanie:
Tamara: “What don’t you want to happen?”
Joanie: “To lose touch with my friends and family once I get into a relationship, not to mention my precious “me” time. And, I don’t want to give up my training for marathons. But, I also don’t want to die a lonely and loveless woman.”
Tamara: “Is it fair to say that you have a conflict?”
Joanie: “Yes, I guess I do. I don’t believe that I can have both.”
Tamara: “Okay, now what do you want?”
Joanie: “To have both, but I’m afraid that a guy won’t support me in doing these things.”
Tamara: “Interesting belief. Do you know that you actually can have both, as long as you believe that it’s possible?”
Tamara: “Feel what it feels like to have it now. Actually be in the energy of a woman in love with a man who completely supports her passions.”
I went on to explain to Joanie that placing her attention and focus on what she wants, versus what she fears, is key. It feels good to be focused on what you desire. I gave her the homework assignment of spending the next 48 hours BEING a woman in a great relationship with a man who not only supported her passions, but admired her for them. Joanie decided to go for it, even though she never had evidence of this kind of relationship before in her life. Well, after 48 hours of BEING this woman, she was feeling so good from this exercise that she assigned herself another five days.
Within one week, she met Gene at a networking event, who happened to be a marathon runner. Today, Joanie and Gene are in an exclusive relationship, both enjoying their time together – and apart.
See what happens when you focus on what you truly desire? Magic happens.
4 Steps to Have it All:
- Ask yourself what you don’t want.
- Get to the opposite of that by asking yourself what you do want.
- Feel what it feels like to already have what you want. Be in the energy of having it now.
- Be in the state of allowance for having what you desire to come into your life. (note: Have no attachment to a result or outcome of how this shows up, when it happens, who it’s with or under what circumstances. Leave these details to the Universe.)
Some years ago, I had a difficult relationship with someone.
Whenever I was on the phone or visiting this person, she always found something to criticize about me and about my life. It got to the point that when I knew I was going to see or talk to her, I would get anxious and angry, even weeks in advance. The more I started working on my issues, however, the more I realized that she was a reflection of me in terms of what I didn’t like about myself.
She was unconsciously expressing these things right back to me. She was simply a mirror to my lack of loving myself. Whenever you are looking for someone to give you the love that you are not willing to give to yourself, you create need. I certainly thought I needed her validation – which was an unfair expectation.
So, I asked the Universe to help me shift my perspective and to love myself and her all at the same time. When I woke up the next morning – I envisioned a technique of healing this relationship.
The truth is, you are whole and complete within yourself now. Whenyou authentically love yourself, you begin to attract the type ofrelationships you yearn for, which is based in oneness rather than need. When you operate from this loving Self, you are able to honor other’s perspectives, without arguing about their “wrong” viewpoint or being attached to your “right” viewpoint. Different perspectives are just that – different – not wrong nor right.
And BTW, the result of the Healing Your Relationship visualization I did with this person so many years ago was downright miraculous. Because I stayed focused on loving myself, not needing or expecting from her and then visualizing what I wanted to experience, that next visit with her was fantastic!
She, without even being conscious of it, was mirroring the love and respect that I was feeling for myself. It was a wonderful visit filled with smiles and hugs.
1. See what your relationships are reflecting back to you. It takes courage but it’s so worth it.
2. Stop the “I’m right” and “You are wrong” game and be open to other people’s point of view.
3. Keep focusing on what you want in your relationship vs what you don’t want or fear. What you focus on is what you continue to experience.