I decided to start off this year by devoting the whole month of January to good men: the goodness of men, understanding men, attracting men, pleasing men, honoring men, appreciating men and loving men the way they want and deserved to be loved.
Why? Because when you understand what turns men on, what turns men off, what scares men and what men love, they will do anything to please you. Today’s blog is about what turns your man off, what drives him away and what to do to have him wanting and pleasing you again.
Note: If you’re single and seeking a great long-lasting relationship, keep reading because the following information will not only help you attract your ‘good man’ but will help you in your relationship once you have his heart.
For the past 25 years as a couple’s therapist, I have heard 100’s of different men basically say the same thing when it comes to their relationships, “I just want her to be happy. When she’s happy, I’m happy.” Isn’t that wonderful? Your man wants you to be happy. That’s goodness itself! The second thing I often hear them say is, “I’m a failure because she’s not happy.”
Ladies, you set the tone in your relationship. If you are miserable in your life, your relationship and your partner suffer, too. If you are happy, then your relationship and your man reap the benefits of your happiness. Why do women set the tone? Because men are hard-wired to help, to be of service, to fix, to figure things out and to do whatever they can do to please a woman. The first woman their brain is wired to please is their mother. Now, it’s lucky and fortunate for you. He really does want you to be happy. He wants to please you, help you and do things for you. Don’t you just love that about him?
Is he distancing himself from you? Is your relationship in trouble?
I’ll bet the reason why is because you are complaining to him too much. You may be complaining to him about him, about your job, about the finances, about your body, about too much sex or not enough sex. You may complain about the weather or your mother. It doesn’t matter what you are moaning about, complaining creates tremendous stress on him and on your relationship. If he hears a complaint, his brain automatically goes into fix-it mode. He’s trying to find a solution to make things better for you.
Women tell me all the time, “Tamara, I’m not complaining, I’m just sharing what’s going on in my life. Shouldn’t I be sharing my day with my partner?” This “sharing” is an emotional release for women, however, most of the time, we’re not looking for a solution.
To men, however, this “sharing” seems like complaining and it stresses them out because their mind is working overtime to “fix” the problems that’s being presented. If you keep up your complaints, eventually, he will shut down emotionally and begin to feel like a failure. Do yourself, him and your relationship a favor by “sharing” with your girlfriends and not with your man. If you don’t stop, he may become so overwhelmed that he’ll just give up on you and the relationship altogether.
How to bring him back to wanting and pleasing you:
- Compliment him – a lot!! Focus on what you love and appreciate about him. Healthy relationships have at least a 5-to-1 ratio of compliments-to-complaints. When you do this, you’ll get more of what you love and less of what you don’t want.
- Compliment yourself – constantly! Your partner cannot love you more than you love yourself. You actually set that bar. Go wild and love and compliment yourself all the time, for anything and everything.
- Share your day with your girlfriends or family, not your man. Talk to him about things you love to do together, such as, the next movie you’d like to see or that great restaurant you just heard about.
- Cut out your complaining altogether. Having a spiritual practice, such as, meditation, can really help break this nasty habit. By focusing on what you want instead of your complaints, you’ll actually experience more of what you want.
Stay tuned for the audio of an exciting on-air with Ryan Seacrest marriage proposal where our very own Loving Relationship Team Member, Karyn, is swept off her feet by her ‘Good Man’, Sean. You’ll need tissues for this one!