How A Young Man’s Brush With Death Reminded Me Of My Dreams For Peace

As we all know, so much has happened this past week. Around the globe, terrorists were doing what they do – terrorize, destroy, hurt and kill. As I posted on Facebook, my family and I met a very nice couple (photographers) in Chappaquiddick, Massachusetts. Unfortunately, their son was in the concert hall in Paris and was shot in the chest by one of the terrorists. He was in a coma for several days, however, the surgery was successful and he is just now beginning to recognize his family members and is even smiling and laughing with them. He is a lucky young man and we all sigh a huge sigh of relief that he’s on the mend.

The Photographers

My husband and I know this couple through their photographs. Starting at 4:00 AM, 365 days per year, they run the paper route delivering newspapers to many stores around the island of Martha’s Vineyard, Mass. Needless to say, they’ve seen some absolutely gorgeous sunrises and began photographing and emailing them to their friends. Well, those friends forwarded the photos to their friends, who forwarded them to their friends, and on and on it went. This began a ripple effect of their photos going out to thousands of lucky recipients, like myself, around the world. Their ability to capture stunning nature scenes wrapped in sunrise colors is brilliant and awe inspiring.

So taken by their photos, one day last May I reached out and asked if we could meet. They happily agreed. One sunny morning in Chappaquiddick (a small island off of Martha’s Vineyard) this past August, we met and spent a lovely day on the beach getting to know one another. We had so much fun that we all agreed that we would meet again next summer – a beautiful beginning to an annual tradition.  Learning about their son being shot was such a shock, especially after hearing all about him that day on the beach.

To see their talent for yourself, visit their Facebook page and check out their 2016 calendar. I have mine and it’s spectacular: 2016 VineyardColors Calendar

My Dream

I dream of a world filled with peace, where everyone gets along and appreciates one another. We don’t just tolerate but delight in each other’s differences.

I have more than just dreamed this – I have actually seen it. A number of times while deep in meditation, I have been shown a vision of a peaceful world. Like Shangri La, all humans (and wild animals) live amongst one another, caring for each other in the most deep and loving way. This vision of paradise always fills me with joy and hope for our future.

There is a song that captures this image and I want to share it with you. It’s an Italian song titled, Nell Fantasia, sung by Diva Rose Jang. So, in honor of you, our new friends and their son, fill your hearts with the promise of peace and love and clicking in this video below. Follow along with the lyrics (in English) below and be touched by it’s encouraging words. Enjoy!

 

 

In my fantasy I see a just world

Where everyone lives in peace and honesty

I dream of a place to live that is always free

Like a cloud that floats

Full of humanity in the depths of the soul

 

In my fantasy I see a bright world

Where each night there is less darkness

I dream of souls that are always free

Like the cloud that floats

 

In my fantasy exists a warm wind

That breathes into the city, like a friend

I dream of souls that are always free

Like the cloud that floats

The Power Of Visualization: Attracting The Relationship Of Your Dreams

Have you ever fantasized about being with the partner of your dreams? If so, then you have already tapped into the tool that can help you actualize this in real life. Visualization, the kind that involves imagining success in love, has long been employed by professional athletes to create amazing results. Research is showing that many professions are already using the tools of visualization quite effectively – surgeons use it to possess laser focus; musicians use it to improve their performance; and business executives use it to ace a presentation. Many use it to stay on their diets to lose weight. You too, you can use visualization to call in your beloved and to experience the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

How Visualization Works

Your brain believes what you imagine. Brain science reveals that you experience real-world and imaginary actions in similar ways. For example, whether you are acing an event or only picturing it, you activate many of the same neural networks and pathways of nerve cells that link your body to the brain impulses that control it. What’s on your mind screen stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, which activates an increase in heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure. Just by envisioning a movement, such as holding hands with your partner-to-be, elicits nervous-system responses of that same action.

Tweet: As you visualize, so it becomes. – Tamara Green, LCSW

Go ahead and imagine yourself holding the hand of your beloved – as if it’s happening right now. Then, get even more detailed in your visualization. As if you are watching a scene or interaction of your beloved in your own movie – where you are the star. Let all your senses come alive. What are you feeling, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching in this beautiful scene? Are you walking hand-in-hand on a gorgeous beach while on vacation together? Are you in a kitchen making dinner and laughing hysterically? Maybe it’s a quiet scene where both of you are cuddled up on the couch reading books?

Allow yourself to really surrender into this visualization, sensing it and feeling it all. It feels good, right? To make this extra powerful, visualize this everyday for at least 2 minutes. Add in more details each time and increase your imagination play to 5 minutes per day. Smile and bask in the feelings of joy and peace, and of feeling so deeply loved and adored by your partner.

The more you envision, the more you activate your emotions to match the scene on your mind screen. The more detailed you get in your visualization with your beloved, the more familiar you become to achieving it because you are creating new neuro pathways in your brain. Plus, your nervous system reaps the benefits: increase in calm and confidence and decrease in heart rate and stress hormones. So, what are you waiting for? Give visualization a try!

To make it super easy for you, Tamara packaged together her 10 most popular meditations into one album. Listed below are the powerful and transformative meditations in this album that’ll help you visualize the loving relationship that you deserve:

Loving Meditation Experience 10 Meditation Bundle

  • Activate Your Happiness
  • Get What You Desire
  • Forgive Yourself
  • Healing To Wholeness
  • Loving You
  • Receive The Love You Deserve
  • Set Your Heart Free
  • Sexy Irresistible You
  • Stress Relief NOW
  • Blissful Sleep

Holiday Sale Starts Now!

The Holiday Season is approaching, so give this gift of love to yourself or to a friend or family member. From now until January 1, 2016, all of Tamara’s products are 50% off. Enjoy!

3 Secrets For Martians And Venusians To Have Relationship Bliss

Blog photo 1172015I saw a great play in New York City last weekend that every couple should see. The play is named after the book that it’s based on, John Gray’s International Best-Seller, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. What a blast!

A one-man show, Peter Story (yes, that’s his real name), shares his relationship… well … story… about he and his wife, Megan. Revealing, funny and so completely right on, Peter captures the differences of how men and women experience life with one another. When Peter described how his wife could multitask (make a great tasting pasta dish, change their child’s diaper, clean up toys and answer the doorbell all while having a full-on and in-depth conversation with her best friend on the phone), while he, on the other hand, was lucky to get the water boiling for the pasta in the same amount of time. As Peter shared his tale of relationship mishaps and misunderstandings, both genders in the audience laughed hysterically and nodded our heads vigorously, totally identifying with what he was communicating.

Not only is this play delightfully funny, it’s also packed with information that couples really need to know about one another. For example, women need to receive caring and understanding while men need to receive trust and acceptance. And, women treasure respect and devotion while men treasure appreciation and admiration. Last, but not least, women crave validation and reassurance while men crave approval and encouragement.

Over the many years of working with couples, it’s clear to me that partners share the same nuptial goals and intentions – a long lasting and loving relationship. However, men and women speak a completely different relationship language. Even brain chemistry is different between the sexes. In terms of the brain, the majority of the blood flow for a woman is in the right region, whereas the majority of the blood flow for a man’s is in the left region. In other words, she’s more focused on sharing and communication while he’s more focused on problem solving and doing.

What then, are the secrets to Martian men and Venusian women cohabitating in relationship bliss? Three main secrets!

Secret #1- Stop taking everything so personally.

The truth is that it’s not about you. Whatever they say is really about them. If you do take it personally, then you may be judging yourself the same thing. If that’s the case, then it’s time to explore some self-help books, therapy and/or a meditation practice. I’ve made it easy for you to begin a life-changing meditation practice. Join the Miracle Mondays Meditation community where you will receive complimentary guided-meditation audios right into your inbox every week!

Secret #2- Stop making everything so serious.

Keep things light. Ask yourself, What am I making so serious, that if I didn’t make it serious, would actually give me peace? Just by asking yourself this question several times in a row, you’ll begin to feel lighter and even laugh about that thing you were taking so serious just seconds before.

Secret #3- Stop focusing on what’s wrong.

Instead, focus on what’s right. Tell your partner what you love about them, not what you don’t like. Happy couples understand the 5-to-1 rule. They focus on or say five wonderful things and only one not-so-wonderful thing per day. Try it! It’s worked wonders in my marriage and I know it’ll work wonders in yours, too!!

Now that you know the secrets to relationship bliss, take your partner out on a date and see the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus play and enjoy each other’s company!!

What You Didn’t Know About Meditation Will Calm You Down Now

I am busting the myth that all meditations are quiet and serene. Actually, some can be quite active, powerful and releasing. Before jumping in and getting physical, first, tune into what’s upsetting you.

Part 1 – What’s Bothering You?

Is something upsetting you? Then, the meditation below will help calm you right down. Go ahead and find out what that is. Does it have to do with a comment someone made or how you are harshly judging yourself? Maybe it’s about your relationship or lack thereof? Good, you are getting to what’s bothering you.

Now feel it… feel your emotions completely and notice where it lands in your body. When you tune into your body, you can locate it right away. I know you don’t like feeling this, and I promise that you’re going to release it soon during the meditation portion of this blog, but for now, just feel it. Be with it. Don’t judge it as “bad”, but allow yourself to feel this feeling entirely. Good for you, because this is not easy.

Score this feeling. What number (from 1 through 10) are you giving this emotion and physical sensation? Example: If you are feeling something between humiliated and neutral, then give yourself a score of 3, and so on.

1 – Worst ever (Humiliated, Despair and Anxious)

5 – Satisfied (Neutral)

10 – Best ever (Peace, Love and Joy)

Make a mental note of this score and begin the active meditation.

Note: This meditation is even more effective if you are listening to rhythmic music or drumming. To listen to an audio of this meditation with Tamara’s voice and powerful music, you’ll want to check out 21 Days to Self-Love Meditation Experience. The meditation written out below is Day 10 of this program. For the next 48 hours only, this entire transformative meditation program is 50% off!

 Calm Your Upset Now Meditation:

Part 2 – Loosening Up

Take off your shoes (flat shoes are OK but no shoes are best). Stand up, feet shoulder’s distance apart and let your knees go slack. Begin to gently bounce up and down. You can lift your heels off the floor every time you bounce up if you want, or, just keep your heels on the ground—either way is fine.

For a total of at least 3 minutes, bounce up and down, up and down, up and down… get into a good tempo. This gentle bouncing is rhythmic. Whenever I do this meditation, I have the vision that I am a Native Indian riding bareback on a horse that is galloping across the plains.

Let the muscles in your face go slack. Release your jaw. Lower your shoulders and let your arms and hands go, as they are dangling at your sides. Let them flop around as you bounce. Consciously let your back muscles go free. Release your stomach muscles. The main muscles working here are in your legs. Everything else needs to completely relax.

By moving your body up and down, you are creating a flow of energy from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are also releasing your muscles and causing relaxation, which occurs when your focus is on your body. When you are upset, the focus is on your thoughts, which creates stuck energy somewhere in your body. Negative energy often gets stuck in your joints, so gentle bouncing begins to open up your joints and your chakras that createa a nice flow of energy throughout your body. Tension in your muscles is the result of being upset, so keep moving up and down to release the built-up tension.

If you are feeling some physical pain, exhaling out of your mouth will help ease that pain. Don’t stop bouncing if it’s only minor pain. Where there is pain, there is stuck energy. If you hang in there, the minor pain will cease. If the pain is severe, however, then sit on the floor or in a chair and move your head from side to side instead, as if you are shaking your head “no”. This also relieves tons of stuck energy out of your stinkin’ thinkin’ head.

Keep gently bouncing up and down. Begin to smile. This immediately releases endorphins and frees your brain and body from what it’s holding onto. For one full minute more, keep bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down…

Okay, stop bouncing and shake out your hands and feet as if you are shaking off some mud. Shake your hands, shake your feet. Shake, shake, shake. Now, with your arms at your sides, turn your palms facing forward and feel the energy. You will probably feel a tingling sensation. That’s good. Notice how your entire body has responded to the gentle bouncing. Feel the currents of energy running up and down your body.

Part 3 – Explosive Release

Now that the energy is flowing much more freely throughout your body, get ready for the very active part of this meditation where you will truly release your upset. It’s going to be a total of 5 completely explosive and powerful breaths (always inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth):

  • 1st Explosive Releasing Breath Breathe in and expand your chest while holding up your arms over your head, high, high, high above your head. Now, blow out your breath while throwing down your arms and hands with total force toward the floor. Let it go! Good! Rest for a second.
  • 2nd Explosive Releasing Breath – When you breathe in, fill up your lungs completely and lift up your hands – all the way up, up, up…now let it go with all your might, release what you have been holding onto, as if you are throwing it all down into the earth. Perfect! Rest for a second.
  • 3rd Explosive Releasing Breath – Again, breathe in sharply, hands up and gather up that negative energy, gather it up, gather it up, gather it up… and throw that negativity down to the floor with all of your might. Release it now! Excellent! Rest for a second.
  • 4th Explosive Releasing Breath – Breathe in all the way, hands up, hands up… gather, gather, gather… and throw it down with 100% of your energy. Let it go!!! Wow, that’s powerful! Rest for a second.
  • 5th Explosive Releasing Breath – Last one, breathe in, in, in… hold it and gather the remains of that negative energy and now throw your hands down with all your might releasing it all.

Good, breathe in a deep calming breath… shake your hands then shake your feet – to shake off the remnants of stress and upset.

Part 4 – Feel The Calm

Sit down and completely relax. Put your hands on your lap with palms up. You did an amazing job. You released a ton of negativity. Feel proud of yourself because you did a great job using your potency to let go of some harmful stuck energy. Feel your energy freely flowing throughout your body.

Remember in the beginning, when I asked you to feel this upset in your body to see where it landed? Do you remember where you felt this stuck energy in your body? What was the score that you gave this feeling before the meditation? Give a new score to how you feel as a result of this meditation.

1 – Worst ever (Humiliated, Despair and Anxious)

5 – Satisfied (Neutral)

10 – Best ever (Peace, Love and Joy)

Did your score higher? Are you feeling better? Most of you will be feeling much better than you did just minutes ago.

Part 5 – Visualize Yourself Feeling Good

Since you freed yourself from some negative energy and opened up some space within your cells, it’s important for you to fill in this newly opened space with what you desire. So, take a moment to visualize yourself feeling cool, calm and at peace for the rest of your week. Go one step further and turn this visualization into a statement or affirmation. For example, I Am the center of my peace, or, I feel good.

Acknowledge yourself for doing a great job!

This powerful meditation is Day 10 of the 21 Days to Self-Love Meditation Experience, a transformative program that helps you reach your love goals, including loving yourself madly. For the next 48 hours, this amazing program is 50% off! Click here to invest in you and in love.

Your 3-Step Dating Strategy To Get Your Guy

Having trouble getting asked out and making it to the date one, two or three? Then follow the powerful 3-Step Dating Strategy that will get you to date number three and beyond.

The Love Coach’s List Of Do’s and Don’ts for Dating Success:

Strategies prior to your first date:

Your job is to get asked out on the first date, which requires you to be a bit mysterious and not easily available. Follow these simple rules to make him chase after you.

  • No phone calls more than 20 minutes. Let him know that you have something to do or somewhere to go (even if you don’t).
  • Always be upbeat. While on the phone, actually smile and say his name often.
  • Don’t complain about anything. The key is to be light.
  • Flirty talk (not dirty) is great!
  • No epic texting or emails prior to the first date. Use text and emails only for brief notes.
  • Do not pick the place to meet. You can give him options if he’s unfamiliar with the area, but let him choose the place and make the necessary arrangements.
Strategies on your 1st date:

Congratulations, you made it to date number one. Now your job is to get asked out for the second date. Follow these steps to make it to date number three and beyond:

  • Wear a red top or dress. Studies show that men are very attracted to this color, so pick a shade of red that looks good with your skin tone.
  • Look feminine and pretty by wearing jewelry and makeup. Go ahead and let him think that you went out of your way to look nice for him. He’ll appreciate it.
  • The second date should be no longer than 2 hours, which keeps you mysterious and intriguing. Even if you are having a fantastic time, tell him you must go to meet a friend or whatever. Leave him wanting more of you.
  • Keep the conversation very light and fun. Do not talk about your problems or your past relationships. Dating is supposed to be fun, so keep the conversation light.
  • Men are terrified of being rejected, so use validating comments (flirt) to let him know that you’ll say ‘yes’ if he asks you out again. Smile and say, “I’m having fun, __(his name)__.”
  • Don’t pick up the check or even go Dutch, which is emasculating. He must pay for all dates, even if the only thing he can afford is a slice of pizza. (Note: Once you are in a relationship and want to treat him to a home-cooked meal, that’s fine. I even tell women who are married to allow their husbands to pay for all the dates. Men want to please and treat women like a queen, so let them. It’s a turn-on.)
  • Do not have sex on the 1st date!!! A little kiss or hug is fine.
Strategies on your 2nd date:

Good job, you made it to date number two! Here are some great tips to keep him to pursuing you with passion:

  • Keep things light, light, light. Never talk about problems. If he does, just listen, and then change the subject to something lighter. Dating is supposed to be light and fun.
  • I strongly suggest that you date at least 3 men when single and looking for the One. Online dating makes this possible. This way, you’ll keep your options open and you won’t ‘put all your eggs in one basket’ too soon.
  • At some point before the second date is over, slip into the conversation that you are casually dating other men (even if you aren’t). This is a very effective and powerful strategy that works like a charm every time. Your ‘casual dating’ spiel could sound something like this: “I like being honest so I want you to know that I am casually dating other men, however, (lean in, smile and touch his forearm) I can’t imagine having more fun with anyone else.” – or “I haven’t laughed this much in a long time.” You say this and then change the subject. This usually turns on the man’s natural instinct to win and he’ll do anything to have you pick him over any other guy. 
  • Don’t have sex on the 2nd date!!! A lingering kiss is fine.

By now, your guy has asked you out again for date number three and will continue asking you out because you are a catch! He wants to be the lucky one to reel you in for that long-term relationship. The key is to never have sex with any man (intercourse, anal or oral sex) until you have a committed relationship with him. Anything else is fine – of course, only if you are very comfortable. Taking your time with kissing, petting (even heavy petting) is perfectly fine. He can wait. In fact, the more he has to wait, the more he’ll pursue you because he wants to reach the delicious goal of being chosen by you!!

Want to hear more juicy dating strategies? Click here for a powerful complementary 45-minute Guidance Session with Tamara. You’ll get clarity and relief from your love and dating problems.

Guest Blog: You Probably Didn’t Know How Bugs Can Lead To Self-Discovery And Peace

Kristen Darcy Blog

What a fun and informative read this is. Guest blogger, Kristen Darcy, shares how frequent visits from bugs led her down the path of self-discovery and peace.

The Grasshoppers and Praying Mantis

A few weeks back, on multiple days, no matter where I went or what I did, a grasshopper would appear – out of nowhere.  I was walking on the beach and a little grasshopper came along with me. Then out to dinner with extended family and a grasshopper hopped right onto my plate. Next, in the outside shower while shampooing my hair, yup, you guessed it, a grasshopper appeared on the top of my head. (See photos)

Early one morning during this time, I opened the door to let the dog out, and there, on my sliding door was a ginormous grasshopper.  Chit-chatting on the phone with my bestie, Love Expert Tamara Green, I mentioned to her about the serial visits from grasshoppers and the ‘grasshopper-on-steroids’ on my door! After texting Tamara a photo she stated, “Uh honey, that’s not a grasshopper, that’s a Praying Mantis.” She managed to say this without laughing, at least at first.

All the while, in my mind I thought there was some freakish thing happening around me with these bugs. Then, the strangest thing, the Praying Mantis started constantly showing up – on me, around me and then on my window staring at me while I worked. (See more photos)

I finally went to the web and Googled these animal totems.  Animal totems aid in self-discovery, giving us incredible avenues of self-expression and awareness. I searched for “Grasshopper totem” and “Praying Mantis totem” and you know what? The messages seemed to be contradicting each other.  The grasshopper totem’s message was, You are being asked to take a leap of faith. Just go ahead and do it without knowing the outcome!”resonated with this one on so many levels. But then the Praying Mantis totem’s  message was, The Praying Mantis always comes to us when we need peace, quiet and calm in our lives. Okey dokey then!   Is it taking the leap or is it a need for peace? (http://www.spirit-animals.com/grasshopper/)

After wrestling with these meanings, I was able to gain some clarity.  The messages of the grasshopper and Praying Mantis weren’t contradicting each other at all. In fact, these bugs (guides) were mindfully telling me, “You need peace. What leap of faith will you take to create your longing for peace and for what you desire?”  

Thank goodness for those persistent insects (that helped me make some important decisions), for good friends who listen and for my own self-awareness.  Not feeling peace is stressful and creates havoc on the body. I recently read a great article in Huff Post Healthy Living,  This Is Your Body On Stress (INFOGRAPHIC) by Laura Shocker, and wanted to share it with you because it breaks down how each part of the brain and body respond to external stress and explains how it affects your innards. This article reports,

“The stress response starts with amygdala, which acts as a sensor at the base of the brain by vetting every input for possible threats. When it senses danger, it shuts down the entire brain operation (now is not the time for, say, creative thinking) and prepares the body to pool all of its resources for survival, allowing you to react before you even have time to think about what is happening. When constantly, severely stressed, the amygdala can become overly sensitive and hyper-vigilant, making even relatively harmless events (such as a whiny child or a snoring spouse) seem like a threat. That explains those instinctively snappy over-reactions we can all have when feeling strung out.”

The combination of the messages from my animal totems and this article gave me much clarity and serenity. Here’s some tips to help you do the same:

3 Tips To Self-Discovery & Calm

  • Be aware of your animal totem by noticing what creatures keep showing around you. Then, Google that animal/insect plus the word “totem” to find out what message is meant for you. Isn’t it great to know that we’re being guided 24/7?
  • Notice the stress symptoms that you are having and refer back to the Huff Post article to see what your body is telling you about how you respond to stress. Having clarity is one way to instantly create a sense of calm.
  • Without knowing the outcome, ask yourself what can you do (or not do) that will foster peace, quiet and calm in your life right now. Once you’ve figured it out, take action to make sure that you are honoring your own insights.

Go ahead, act like the grasshopper and Praying Mantis by leaping into mindfulness, peace and calm. Instead of being ‘hopping mad’, you’ll be hopping with happiness.

Have a blessed and relaxing day!

Love, Kristen Darcy

Thank you Kristen for your wonderful words of fun, clarity and wisdom!! Love you bestie! Tamara

kristen darcy

Kristen Darcy is a noted author, fertility coach,  motivational speaker, divorce coach and expert on the emotional aspects of both infertility and divorce recovery.

MY 3 THRILLING ANNOUNCEMENTS!

One magWow! What a week of pure excitement!!! I feel honored… I feel like breaking out in a Happy Dance every 5 minutes… I feel grateful… I feel like kicking up my heels in glee!! Why? Because I’ve made the front page of major magazines 3 times – ALL IN ONE WEEK!

If you share the following with your friends on social media, then I’ll feel double grateful!!

Cover Photo and Article One Mag!

In this cover article, it’s my own love story and so much more. Feeling very vulnerable, I decided to go for it and reveal my childhood history of sexual abuse and how it brought me to the brink of ending my life. You’ll want to read it and discover how I turned my challenges into the most precious gifts of my life – my family.

http://www.onemag.biz/download.html

Home Page of YourTango.com

This blog is about how to avoid your next fight with your partner. I have used this strategy in my own marriage – AND IT WORKS!

3 Important Things You Can Learn From Couples Who Never Fight, EVER.

Again, Home Page of YourTango.com

This video is the 4th (out of 5) in a series with John Gray, PhD. Us relationship experts give great tips on keeping your relationships healthy and fun. Clever Ways To Connect With Your Spouse (Even When Life Is Hectic).

Don’t forget, I’ll feel double-grateful if you share my writings and videos with your friends on social media! Thank you!!

 

3 Surprising Ways To Attract Your Soul Mate

sunset-hair

Are you still single and desperate to have a profoundly loving relationship? What feelings does this bring up for you? Happy? Probably not. You may be worried and upset that your soul mate is still nowhere to be found. That means that your, what I call, Love Vibration, is low. To attract your beloved, it’s very helpful to have a high Love Vibration at least 20% of the time.

To give an example on how to raise your Love Vibration, I’d would like to share a dialogue I had with my new client, Ariane, who agreed for me to share this with you:

Ariane: (feeling low) “I’m still working on myself so that I can attract the love that I want so badly.”

Tamara: “Hmmmm, working on yourself, huh? How’s that going?

Ariane: It’s a lot of work because I still get easily triggered. I certainly got triggered a lot in my last relationship.

Tamara:Triggered?

Ariane:Yes, I was a bit controlling, wanting to know his every move. He couldn’t take it anymore and that’s why he left me. I’m not going to let that happen again so I’m working on being more chill, more calm and not so reactive. But, I have a long ways to go.”

Tamara: “Feel what it feels like to believe that you ‘have to work on yourself and that you have a long ways to go.’ How does that feel, heavy or light?”

Ariane: “Wow! I feel really heavy. Doesn’t feel very good.”

Tamara: “If you’re operating from the energy of ‘working on yourself’, it’s like saying to the Universe, I’m not OK as I am, I have to work on myself. The Universe says, You’re perfect just the way you are, but if you’re saying that you have to work on yourself, then we’ll give you more stuff to work on. And, that’s exactly what happens, you get tons more evidence that keeps you believing and saying, Yep, see? I still need to work on myself!”

“Imagine that you’re looking at a pyramid, like the ones in Egypt. See the layers, or steps, of that pyramid as different levels of energy vibration. The higher you go on the pyramid, the higher the energy vibration. If you operate from the vibration of ‘needing to work on yourself’, you’re probably about 2/3rd’s down on that pyramid, and you’ll continue to get tons of evidence that keep you in that same layer or step. In other words, you remain in the energy of ‘working on yourself’, and you won’t be able to get up to the next step, or higher layer of vibration.

Ariane: “I didn’t think of it that way. How do I get out of that layer of ‘working on myself’ and move up to a higher vibration?”

 Surprising Tip #1 on raising your Love Vibration:

Compliment wonderful YOU  –  Acknowledge yourself for what’s really great about you. Even when you’re emotionally stuck or upset, find something to complement yourself for. For example, I got out of bed today, yay! Or, I brushed my teeth today, yahoo! Or, I got dressed today, hallelujah!! Making it seemingly ridiculous can get you laughing and feeling lighter in no time. So keep complementing yourself – constantly. The more the merrier!

 Tamara: “Ariane, tell me something that you can compliment yourself for.”

Ariane: “I’ve become more disciplined about writing in my journal, which has actually been helpful to me.”

Tamara: “Great! How’s that feel?”

Ariane: “It feels good to say this, to acknowledge it.”

Tamara: “Good, give me another one.”

Ariane: “I am more aware now than I was before.”

Tamara: “Fantastic! How’s that feel?”

Ariane: “Really good, actually.”

Tamara: “That’s because you are raising your energy vibration by focusing on what’s good about you, by acknowledging you – by complimenting you.

Ariane: Thanks Tamara!

1 Day Later…

Here’s the email I got from Ariane after her coaching session:

“Hi Tamara, I can’t tell you what a ‘ah ha’ you gave me yesterday. I always thought that ‘working on myself’ was a good thing, that it was helping me. But, it really did feel heavy, overwhelming and even endless. I guess that’s because it was – endless. I’ve been complimenting myself ever since our conversation and I feel really good. In fact, I was laughing last night because I complimented myself on eating only 3 cookies instead of the entire package. Normally, just eating 1 cookie would send me down a path of self judgment, Oh no, I need to work on this, I promised myself no more cookies and here I go again! But this time, I decided to compliment myself on eating only 3. It was easier to feel better in no time and I lost my cravings for more cookies! Thanks Tamara for giving me new awareness on how to raise my love vibration.”

And thank you Ariane for sharing this inspiring email with all of us!

Surprising Tip #2 on raising your Love Vibration:

Compliment Others – Studies are showing that complementing others activate the pleasure-center in the brain. It feels good to complement others. Again, the focus is on what you like or love about them, rather than what you don’t like. Whether you complement them in your mind or out loud, it doesn’t matter. Complementing them feels good to you and raises your Love Vibration up to the next step up on that pyramid.

Surprising Tip #3 on raising your Love Vibration:

Compliment What’s Around You  – Compliment nature, the air you breathe, the oceans on this planet, the animals, the sky and the clouds. Also, compliment your body, and how it breathes without you having to think about it, how the muscles work without one thought from you and how your organs keep functioning on your behalf. Compliment your angels and guidance realms. Say, Hey, you guys are really cool. No matter how I feel, you are always there to love and guide me, even when I’m not listening! Thank you! Compliment what you normally take for granted. Doing so increases your awareness to what’s around you and to the fact that the Universe is gifting you all the time. When you’re in awareness, you are tuned to your Highest Self, which raises your Love Vibration even more.

——–

Make a habit of these surprising tips for raising your Love Vibration. Eventually, you will rewire your mind, habits and behaviors and activate your true nature and actualize authentic love for you, your life, and those around you. Complimenting comes from the source of love. When you operate from love and not fear, life becomes magical. And, BTW… when you raise your Love Vibration, don’t be surprised that your soul mate appears.

Exciting News!! To raise your Love Vibration instantly and powerfully, you’ll want to listen to this power-packed audio bundle called Loving Meditation Experience 10-Meditations

With these downloadable guided meditations, you have access to your very own copy of the 10-Day Loving Meditation Experience. Tamara guides you on a journey uncovering and communing with the real YOU (your Highest Self), manifest your deepest desires, and tap into your pure potential for emotional and physical healing as well as Loving Relationships. For the next 24-hours, you will own this bundle for 75% off it’s original price – $8.75. 

3 Action Steps Now To Stop The Next Round Of Arguments

Upset_Couple_Sitting_On_Bed_Se_cropped

There you go again. You and your partner fell into that awful pattern of yelling, negativity and even threats of leaving the relationship. You both are miserable but can’t quite figure out how to fix this problem. This has been going on for far too long and you are both sick of it, yet perplexed on how to solve this frustrating and endless cycle.

Even though things may have calmed down, you need an action plan now to help prevent the next round of arguments. Your next fight just may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and ends your relationship for good.

As a couple’s counselor for over 27 years, I can say with absolute conviction that this action plan works. I guarantee that if, starting today, you follow this plan to the tee, you will stop this relationship-killing pattern and completely turn things around. Is it an easy plan of action? No. Is it worth it? A resounding yes! But then, our most challenging patterns turn out to be our greatest lessons in life, right?

Take These 3 Action Steps To Prevent The Next Round Of Arguments:

1. Take full responsibility for your part in the argument.

It’s time to get humble, authentic and honest. Leave your victim-type thoughts and words out of this conversation. Victim consciousness includes blaming, judgments, criticisms, complaints and accusations. This step requires you to own up to your part, NOT THEIR PART, only yours. Make a list of your behaviors and words during the argument that you are not proud of. This takes guts but you can do it, especially if you want to stop this crazy pattern that you and your partner are in. Use your list to create your ‘I’m taking responsibility’ statements.

Here’s an example of what you could say to your partner: “Now that things are calm between us, I’d like to take responsibility for my part in our argument. I was blaming you for ___(fill in the blank)___ and that wasn’t helpful or kind. I am sorry for saying what I said. I have decided that I need to work on my habit of blaming. Please forgive me. I don’t want this to ever happen again, so I’m making a commitment to work on changing it.” Extra kudos points if you tell your partner what you are committed to do to make sure you will not do this again: start therapy, take an online course, do a workshop, read a self-help book, take up meditation, etc.

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.
2. Commit to the 90-10% Rule.

Spend 90% of your time and focus looking at your behaviors and emotions versus your partners. Instead of looking at what they need to change, you make a commitment to changing you. Spend 10% of your time focused on the relationship and on your partner. 90% you – 10% your partner. The interesting thing is, the more time you spend loving and honoring you, the more able you are to authentically love your partner. In other words, your partner benefits tremendously when you are taking care of yourself.

By the way, this 90-10% rule also works great in other areas of your life. For example, if you are an entrepreneur, spend 90% of the time working on you and 10% of the time working on your business. The 90-10% is a secret to success and happiness. 

3. Make a daily and forever practice of gratitude.

This one tip has saved marriages on the brink of divorce, so this is yet another powerful part of the action plan. What you focus on is what you experience. So please stop focusing on what you don’t like or want anymore. Be in the practice of telling your partner at least 3 things about them that you are grateful for – every single day. Tell them what you admire, what you love about them and what they do that makes you feel happy and special. That way, you’ll get more of what you love about them and less of what you don’t.

Same goes with you. Everyday, tell yourself at least 3 things of what you love and admire about yourself. In other words, compliment yourself – a lot!

Do you want to start a meditation practice, but don't know how to begin?  You don't have to do it alone! Sign up for my Miracle Monday Meditations to take part in my 21 Week Meditation Challenge. 
Don’t want to wait until a whole week between meditations, visit my shop to purchase the whole 21 Day bundle.

How To Keep Your Phone From Ruining Your Relationships

 I loved this discussion with John Gray and the other experts on the topical issue of phones and relationships. Watch this video to get informed.

I’ll do the Happy Dance if you share this video with your friends. 

To recap what the experts said:

  1. 90% of communication is non-verbal, so you may be missing those body expressions as clues to what’s really going on in your dating and love life.
  2. More and more, couples are not engaging with each other because they are distracted by their phones. For quality relationships, turn your phone off during meals.
  3. In this hyper world of technology, our brains are over stimulated. The result is shorter attention spans. To counter problematic effects of this, have a practice of getting centered and quieting the mind.
  4. Use your phone to be ‘Love in Action’. Use it as the vehicle to have fun with your partner by sending short, loving and sexy texts. Bigger conversations should always be in person.
Questions for all of you beautiful people (and some honest answers from me):
  • How many hours per day do you spend on your phones?
Me? Probably about 2-4 and even more when I’m doing phone sessions with clients. By 7 PM, I tend to turn it off. ☺
  • Does it come out during mealtime?

I’m guilty of this sometimes. There have been occasions where my kids have asked me to turn it off, and, I’m glad that they spoke up. 

  • Have you ever used your phone to go out or break up with someone?
Me? No, but it seems to be a fairly common practice in the dating world these days. 
  • Do you sext with your partner? 
Me? Absolutely! So much fun!! 😉
Go ahead and reply to this email and give me your answers. I promise that I will respond to each of you.