Talk to Tamara – February 2017

Dear Tamara,

The thought of going through a Valentine’s Day without my ex-boyfriend is breaking my heart. He left me for someone else. My emotions are like a Ping-Pong ball because one minute I’m scheming on how to win him back and the next I’m plotting his demise. The truth is, I need to move on, but how? Please help release me of my suffering.

Signed: Love Crazed

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Dear Love Crazed:

I’m so sorry that your heart is broken, but I’m here to tell you that your suffering will not last forever, even though it may feel that way right now.

It’s important to know that the ending of one relationship sets the tone for your next one. When you hold lingering feelings toward your ex, such as, resentment, pining or un-forgiveness, then most likely, you will experience difficulties in your next relationship or in attracting your new love. Negativity is a lower energy vibration that, like a magnet, attracts that lower energy right into your life, such as, challenges and loneliness.

There is an easy and fun solution to releasing your ex and what blocks you from your new love. I call it Jarring For Love. Before I explain what that is, let me first tell you an amazing group of curious school children from Korea.

An entire second grade class created a very interesting experiment having to do with love, hate and indifference. They filled three mason jars 3/4 full of water and placed a fresh onion on top of each container. One jar was labeled Love Me. The second jar was labeled Hate Me. The last jar was labeled, Ignore Me.

Every day during classroom time, whenever the children would pass by the Love Me jar, they would say, “I love you, you’re so beautiful, I love you!” Whenever they passed by the Hate Me jar, they would say, “I hate you, you’re ugly, I hate you!” Whenever they passed by the third jar, the kids ignored it altogether.

After two months, the results were remarkable. The loved onion thrived and grew very strong green stocks out the top and vibrant roots underneath. The hated onion turned light brown, had wilted and stocks and shriveled roots. The most fascinating result was with the ignored onion because it looked the worst of all. It was dark brown and 1/3 its original size. Its stocks nor roots grew. In fact, the poor onion became a rotted mess.

The experiment didn’t end here. Feeling sorry for the hated and ignored onions, the children decided to love them back to health. In only 30 days of being blasted with love, the onions were rejuvenated back to their thriving, fresh and original state, once again.

This is an amazing lesson for all of us on the powerful impact of love, hate and indifference. The fact is that love cures everything, even our past relationships. It’s the energy of love that will release and unblock you, too. Like the failing onions, love will rejuvenate your heart to a higher vibration and attract your new and amazing beloved.

Your inflamed ego, which operates form fear, is telling you to either blame your ex for how you feel or to win him back to feel better. However, your heart, which operates from love, is telling you to let go of your pining and bitterness. Your heart knows that doing so will set you free. Jarring For Love is an invitation for your Higher Self to take over, for your Loving Self to cure your past so that you can step into your future relationship with ease.

6 Steps To ‘Jarring’ Your Ex To Attract Your New Love

  1. Take a large jar, box, vase or any other container you wish and label it with your ex’s name or photo. Or, simply label it, “Releasing My Past With Love”, or something similar.
  2. Looking at your jar, hold up your right hand and read this, “I, ___(your name)___, hereby swear, that for the next 30 days or more, I will not pass by this container without sending it my love, forgiveness, gratitude, and compassion. In this moment, I surrender my past, releasing it to the wisdom of my own Higher Self.”
  3. Place your container in an area of your home where you will pass by it most often. For most people, it’s the kitchen.
  4. Besides sending the energy of love, etc., also, feed your container everyday with kind notes to your ex and to yourself, affirmations, crystals, prayer beads, intentions or anything else that your heart desires. Release your ex and your heart by saying to your container, “Thank you for our time together. Because of our relationship, I learned about myself, about love and about life. You helped me to be clear about what I now truly desire, so thank you!”
  5. As you release, prepare your heart for receiving. As if you are watching you in your own movie, see the loving relationship that you are now deciding to have. Get excited about this happening. Be grateful now for what you are creating for your loving future.
  6. Have fun doing this. Be light-hearted and smile a lot.

 

XOXO Tamara

 

Talk to Tamara – January 2017

Dear Tamara,

I am so upset that I went through another holiday season single and alone. In the past 5 years I’ve had three brief relationships with men who treated me like dirt and then disappeared for no apparent reason; had hundreds of lonely weekends with my best pals Ben & Jerry; and cried buckets of frustrated tears. And to boot, 2017 is not looking promising at all. Do you have any words of advice before I totally throw in the towel on love?

Signed: Giving Up

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Note: I contacted this reader to inquire further and she admitted to being a people pleaser; giving in too easily to men – including sex; focusing on others rather than herself; and believing that she’s not worthy of love.

Dear Giving Up:

My heart goes out to you because, once upon a time, I was the expert on people pleasing. I wanted others to love me and I was willing to give away my soul if that’s what it took. Yet in spite of my efforts to please, I always ended up abandoned, lost and confused. So, I really do understand why you’re ready to throw in the towel on love.

Here’s my plea to you… don’t give up on love! In fact, I want you to commit (or re-commit) to this journey more than ever yet in a whole new way. This time around, use the 90/10 Rule – commit 90% to you and only 10% to everyone else. My guess is that you’ve been using this rule in reverse – 90% to others and 10% to you (if even that). But when you commit mostly to you, I promise that your life will turn around in the most magical ways. It certainly did for me.

Using the 90/10 Rule to Attract Love

Be devoted to you: Imagine yourself like a rock in a stream. When you’re devoted to you and your desires, that stream cannot wash you away. When you’re trying to please others, you get washed away in seconds. Therefore, devote 90% of your time, focus and energy on you, which builds a foundation of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love. This is absolutely irresistible to men!

Make a pledge: “I, ___(your name)___, hereby pledge, that I will not give up on love. I understand that this is not an easy journey but rather a courageous one. Even through my darkest days, I commit to nurturing and caring for my body, mind and soul with the 90/10 Rule, which includes daily practices of mindfulness and loving self-care. I understand that my self-sabotaging patterns will surface and that I may want to give up. I will use these dark moments as an opportunity to re-commit to me and my dreams of a loving relationship. I acknowledge that I am worthy of love.

Signed: __________________(Your signature)____________________

Notice how you’re spending your time during non-working hours: These days, most people spend way too much time in technology related activities such as social media, TV, movies, online shopping and other mind-numbing behaviors. Are you doing the same? It’s okay to enjoy these things but not to live in them.

Immerse yourself in positive books that supports your love journey: I highly recommend my friend and mentor’s book, Love In 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love by Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. This step-by-step guide has helped 1000’s of women navigate the choppy waters of dating, love and relationships to success.

Begin your spiritual practice: Finding inner peace is key. Commit to yoga, nature walks, meditation, mindfulness and/or hobbies on a regular basis. Doing so will increase your chances for success in love by 85%!

Complement and acknowledge yourself every single day: Give yourself kudos for being the courageous woman that you are. Find things about you that you’re grateful for, happy about and admire. Gratitude is the gateway to abundance.

Trust your gut intuition: That very first impression of a person or situation is your inner wisdom coming through. Do not ignore it. Honor it 100% because it’s always correct.

Follow these 90/10 Rule guidelines and experience a new year filled with love!

 

XOXO Tamara

My Exciting News!

Great Things Coming!

Hello all you wonderful readers! You may have noticed I have been absent for a while in the blogging world. It has been for all very good reasons! In the coming weeks, I am planning to shake up my entire site so I can give you, my most loyal friends, more ways to encourage and inspire you to take control of your life and truly love yourselves. So stay tuned to see what I have planned. I promise you, you’ll love the changes!

and now some exciting news…

Cover and Article in Eydis Magazine!

I am so thrilled to be interviewed and featured on the cover of Eydis Magazine! I decided to share my story of how I overcame my childhood history of sexual abuse and learned to love myself.  I hope my story inspires readers to find their own turning point to find self-love.

I urge you to read it and share it below!

“Talk to Tamara” Relationship Advice Column in Eydis Magazine!

I was also approached to write a monthly relationship  advice column in Eydis Magazine where I will be answering readers’ questions on love and relationships. This is perfectly in line with my desire to help others find everlasting love!

Read my very first answer to one reader’s question: “Should I stay, or do i go?”

Do you have questions on love you would like answered? Email me your burning questions on love, dating and relationships at tamaragreen4u@gmail.com and I will be sure to address them in future issues! 

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples – Part 3: 7 Powerful Tips on How To Get Some Of That Intimacy!

Happy New Year!! May 2016 be a year filled with outrageously delicious love and happiness! Keep reading and improve your chances for delicious love and happiness by following my powerful tips on increasing relationship intimacy.

This is the third in a 3-part series titled, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples. In last week’s blog, I explained the 4 main culprits for erosion of intimacy: 1) Unintentionally hurting each other, 2) Over reactivity or drama, 3) Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome, and 4) Taking each other for granted. Today, I will share powerful tips on how to get some juicy emotional and trusting intimacy flowing in your relationship, which are key to a long-lasting loving partnership.

7 Powerful Tips on How To Get Some Of That Intimacy!

  1. Imagine Intimacy Imagination is powerful because beneath the images of the mind, you can tap into the realm of possibility. Like a goal or a dream, envision what you want with your partner. Then, be grateful NOW for what you’ve envisioned, before it actualizes. Gratitude is key because it’s the gateway to welcoming it into your life.
  1. Be Trusting and Trustworthy Author, John Gottman, has spent much of his career researching and writing about the behaviors of couples. He reports that trust is built in a culmination of lots of little moments between 2 people. An example of this would be a husband saying to his wife, “Sweetie, I see that you are having a tough time right now. What do you need? How can I help you?” Or, a wife telling her husband, “Thank you for fixing the wobbly door knob. It’s things like this that make my day run a little easier.” Another interesting trust-builder is asking for help. These seemingly small gestures are great for building a trusting relationship.
  1. Be vulnerable, honest and authentic – If you’re struggling, say so. It’s an amazing opportunity for intimacy with your partner. Here’s what vulnerability, honesty and authenticity sounds like, “Honey, I’m really upset about something and I need a sounding board. Can you help me by listening to my problem and let me know if I’m over reacting?” By letting your partner into your world, he or she feels included and helpful while you feel taken care of. All of this fosters wonderful intimacy.
  1. Pause, feel and breathe – This tip is especially for those couples that tend to have drama in their relationship. Whenever you feel stressed and ready to spew your reactive comments at your partner, do these 3 things instead: 1) Pause- stop what you are doing/saying; 2) Notice how you feel- acknowledge to yourself how you feel. Labeling your feeling is the 1st step to calming down; and 3) Take 10 deep breaths– getting oxygen in your system always begins the calming process. In Part 1 of this series, you learned about the over-reactive Amygdala in your brain. Pausing, feeling and breathing is giving your frontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, a chance to be in charge instead of your ‘fight-or-flight Amygdala’.
  1. Blame-free zone – Have a place in your home where you and your partner agree is the “Blame-Free Zone”. This is a safe room (or part of a room or area) where absolutely no judgments, criticisms, verbal attacks are allowed. This is your place to have “pauses”, fun, and relaxation. This zone is the area where you and your partner can re-group, giving you the opportunity to change your patterns of drama and repetitive arguments.
  1. Have a practice of communication. Next time you have a meal together, turn off your cell phones and just talk. Take turns asking questions and take turns listening. True communication is more about listening than offering suggestions and solutions and sounds something like this:

“I had a stressful day at work today.”

“Why, what happened?”

“There was a last-minute change that I had to make in my presentation.”

“Wow! How’d you handle that?”

“I was able to pull it off, but I had to reschedule my lunch plans with a prospective client to make it happen.”

“But you did it. That’s fantastic!”

In this conversation, you can see that the communication included active listening and support, which is key for intimacy.

  1. Get professional help – Sometimes, couples need extra help to get to an improved state of intimacy. The following are list of ways you can save your relationship:

· See a marriage counselor or relationship coach

· Go to a personal growth course together.

· Attend a meditation retreat together.

Any of these suggestions can be the very thing that turns your relationship around for the better.

Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire. – Tamara Green, LCSW

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 2- The 4 Culprits To Eroding intimacy

In last week’s blog, I explained the different types of intimacy: Intellectual, Energetic or experiential, Emotional, and Sexual. Today, I will share the top 4 culprits of intimacy erosion in relationships:

4 Main Culprits To Eroding Relationship Intimacy

1. Unintentionally hurting each other

Unless you or your partner has tendencies of passive aggressive or sociopathic behaviors, you really don’t intend to hurt one another. In fact, you probably have the same relationship goals of happiness, peace and joy. Then why do couples hurt each other? The answer is that one or both of you are in fear or pain. In fact, the amount of unresolved fear or pain that you feel is the amount of pain that you inflict or project onto one another. For example, I worked with a client who had a childhood history of sexual molestation. It left her feeling trapped and overwhelmed for years. She unintentionally carried these fears into her adult romantic relationships. It wasn’t unusual for her to suddenly announce, without too much provocation from her partner, that the relationship was over, leaving the poor guy confused and left wondering, “What the heck just happened?!” When her fears were triggered, this ‘coping mechanism’ of fleeing the relationship felt mighty powerful. However, with professional help and a ton of inner work, she finally resolved her fears of being trapped and overwhelmed and now has a thriving and loving marriage.

2. Over-reactivity or drama

When triggered, do you and/or your partner fight or flee, or both?

Let me explain why the fight or flight phenomena exists. You have more than one almond-shaped area of your brain called the Amygdala. Its job is to sense, prepare and deal with perceived danger via fight or flight. The Amygdala stores memories of trauma and upset from your past. Therefore, 99.9% of the time, the pattern that’s being set off has nothing to do with what’s actually happening between you and your partner in the present moment. As soon as “danger” is perceived, your Amygdala takes over your sensible frontal cortex section of your brain.

In romantic relationships, it usually doesn’t take much for the Amygdala to become triggered. Before your rational mind has a chance to engage, the Amygdala has already done its quick and dirty work (slammed doors, screamed obscenities, given threats to leave and even verbal and physical abuse). And if that’s not enough, the Amygdala gets addicted to the flood of emotional chemicals that course through your body. So, each time you have to get angrier, scream louder or become more abusive to get that rush of chemical soup throughout your system.

In the end, the only real danger is that of losing your wonderful relationship!

3.  Turning away or the White Elephant Syndrome

 Couples who don’t authentically communicate regularly often experience this particular kind of intimacy erosion. They avoid difficult topics and steer clear of disturbing the apple cart. It’s as if there’s a white elephant in the middle of the living room, but no one’s talking about it because it’ll upset the relationship status quo. For example, I have worked with a number of clients who try to avoid the topic of their partner’s addiction problem. They fear that if they bring it up, it’ll either shatter their loved one or their relationship. It takes courage to talk about difficult subjects, but in the end, it’s the only chance for a happy partnership. My job with these clients is to support them through their fears of speaking up and to stop tiptoeing around the issue. No one ever moved an elephant by walking around it. No, you have to walk right up to it and confront it to get it to move.

4. Taking each other for granted

 How many times have I seen relationships fail because they take each other for granted. Appreciating the little things that your partner does is vitally important for you to recognize and acknowledge, preferably everyday. Not doing so is a relationship killer. Couples who have a practice of gratitude never take each other for granted.

Homework for the week:

For the next 7 days, be in the practice of sitting with your fears and pain. Take 10 deep breaths whenever you feel triggered in any way. Complement yourself for sitting with your feelings because this is not easy to do.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 3- How Do I Get Some Of That Intimacy?

 Need relationship advice right away, even before the holidays are over? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your heartbreak. By clicking here you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire. – Tamara Green, LCSW

 

The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 1- What Is Intimacy?

I’d like to say that the holidays bring out the best in couples, but unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case for many. During this time of extended family visits, increased spending and busy-ness, the spirit of the holidays often take a back seat to stress and overwhelm. Of course, this stress affects relationships and healthy intimacy tends to take a back seat, too.

Welcome to my 3-part holiday series, where I give the low-down on intimacy. This is to help you and your partner get through the holidays not only intact, but also in a loving and healthy way. In week 1, I’ll explain what intimacy is. In week 2, I’ll share with you the main culprits that erode intimacy. In week 3, I’ll reveal the secrets to how you can experience lasting, fun and juicy intimacy in your relationship, not only for this holiday season, but also for the years to come. Last, I’ll give you a homework assignment each week that will amp up your level of relationship intimacy. Let’s get started.

 What is intimacy?

Intimacy is one of the most precious commodities we have in relationships. It’s something that takes time, is a process and journey that two people take together. There are 4 different types of intimacy:

Intellectual intimacy

An exchange and/or support of each other’s thoughts, ideas and opinions. This involves verbal communication.

I’ll use my mother and step-father as an example for this. Every Sunday, they would read the Times while drinking coffee during the morning hours. Then at lunch or dinner, they would discuss what they read, which sometimes turned into a friendly debate. They enjoyed these exchanges because they had a chance to share their opinions and ideas with one another. As the witness to their intellectual intimacy, I enjoyed it, too.

 Energetic or experiential intimacy

When a couple engages in mutual activities. This usually does not involve verbal communication, but rather energetic synergy.

 I’ll share my own personal example of this type of intimacy. Since 2012, my husband and I have produced guided meditations for our Miracle Mondays Meditations community. We quietly sit together – I write and use my voice to guide the meditations while he composes the beautiful music and produces the products. The result – powerful and transformative meditation audios and videos.

Back in the 90’s, we used to invent personalized songs for kids who were in the hospital with cancer. I wrote the lyrics and sang while my husband composed the music and burned CD’s for each child. Creating together is a ‘cloud-9’ experience for us. It has always felt amazing to have this generative energy flowing between us.

 Emotional intimacy

Sharing your feelings and a desire to understand the feelings of your partner. This involves both verbal and non-verbal communication.

 Couples must have a level of trust and comfort with each other to be able to share their vulnerabilities. If one or both are over reactive, it will most likely shut down this level of intimacy. Several years ago, I was working with a couple that really wanted more emotional intimacy but their relationship was ingrained in reactive patterns of communication. He would often roll his eyes when she shared her feelings and she would criticize him for not meeting her needs. Step-by-step, we examined their cycles of destructive verbal and non-verbal habits and replaced them with healthy behaviors of active listening, compassionate rapport and empathetic-type body language. Their hard work paid off as their relationship is now flourishing.

Sexual intimacy

Any form of sensual expression toward or for one another. This involves physical and non-physical communication.

Most people think of intimacy as being only sexual, but as you can see, it’s not only about sex. Examples of non-physical sexual intimacy include talking about sex before having it and revealing sexual fantasies to one another. Examples of physical sexual intimacy include, hugging, kissing, massage, sensual touch, oral sex and intercourse.

When couples end up in my office due to marital problems, it’s not unusual for me to hear that sex is an issue. One of the main reasons for this is because men and women often experience sexual intimacy very differently. For example, men tend to form more of an emotional bond with their partner after sex, while women desire the emotional bonding in order to have sex. Once couples understand this innate and very common difference, and if they can compromise a little to meet the other’s needs, their sexual intimacy problems tend to disappear.

Homework for the week: For the next 7 days, tell your partner everyday at least 1 thing about them that turns you on. Go ahead, have some fun! 😉

Stay tuned for next week’s blog, The Holiday Survival Guide For Couples: Part 2- What Are The Main Culprits To Eroding Intimacy?

 Need relationship advice in a jiffy? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your heartbreak. By clicking here you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!

Cutting The Strings And Starting Over: How An Artist’s Masterpiece Reveals The Universal Laws

This blog is in honor of 2 amazing women – Abby Raphel, founder of The Roundtable, and Jana Flynn, a remarkable artist.

a and jBack in October, I was fortunate to be asked by Abby to speak and join in at her Roundtable event. Sitting next to me was a stunning string sculpture and the artist who created it, Jana. (See photo: Jana is on the left and Abby is on the right). So moved by her talent and her inspiring words, I asked Jana to write a description of her sculptures and the creative process she experiences. Here is Jana’s ‘artist statement’:

“My sculptures are geometrical structures created from methodical counting.  I see these pieces as alters, weaving thread on varying circular planes to create a layered mandala. They are built upon the concept of sacred geometry, and the idea that some kind of ‘perfection’ can be found within mathematical patterns.” (She other photos)

 “These pieces involve tremendous labor, detail, and time. Building the work requires a focused, meditative state, otherwise an error, a missed thread, will throw off the whole pattern and structure. Creating the sculptures is a kind of private performance, although the “performance”, or process, is in service of connecting with a state of being, rather than directly for an audience. The resulting work is a residue, or record, of an intimate meditation that I hope will continue to hold the quiet intention of its building.”

Isn’t it interesting that Jana’s description actually reflect what life is really all about – patterns, labor, focus, creating and a state of being? The Universal Laws are what life is all about, too. I am a devotee of these Laws and live by them with as much awareness as I am able. Let’s take some of Jana’s words and match them to their corresponding Universal Laws. I do this as a way of showing how we integrate these powerful Laws into our lives all the time, without necessarily realizing it. (Note: The definitions of these Laws are from my upcoming book, launching in 2016):

The Corresponding Universal Laws

1) “Perfection [found within] patterns” corresponds to the…

Law of Rhythm: Life is a series of seasons, cycles and patterns. What goes up must come down and vice versa. During the “negative” part of a cycle, a Master knows how to rise above it by focusing on the benefits of what’s to come.

 At one point, one of the Roundtable participants asked Jana, “What do you do when you’ve made a mistake with the placement of your string?” She answered, “I cut the strings and start over.” She said this in a matter-of-fact kind of way, which gave me the impression that mistakes are not the end of the world, but rather part of the artistic process. This way-of-being is in complete alignment with the Law of Rhythm.

2) “These pieces involve tremendous labor, detail, and time” corresponds to the…

Law of Gender: Every idea or seed has a gestation or incubation period. Have total faith that your goals will actualize in physical form when the time is right.

 Jana had a goal of creating this piece of art to the Roundtable community for that October evening. It took time and work and what materialized is, well, awe-inspiring.

3)Focused, meditative state” and “creating” corresponds to the …

Law of Perpetual Transmutation: Energy constantly moves into physical form. Where your mind goes, energy goes. The images you hold in your mind often materialize in your life. Energy follows thought and intention.

Jana’s visions of her piece certainly moved it into physical form.

4) ‘Private performance’ corresponds to the…

Law of Action: What materializes in your physical world is a result of your actions. If your actions and behaviors stem from fear, what materialized may disappoint you. If your actions and behaviors stem from love, what materializes may astound you.

Seems to me that the “result of Jana’s actions” is love.

5) “State of being” corresponds to the…

Law of Cause and Effect: Nothing happens by chance or outside Universal Laws. Your every action, including thought, has a consequence. This is also referred to as the Law of the Circle. Energy is magnetized and used and always returns to it’s original sender. For example, if one receives happy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a constructive way. If one receives unhappy energy, the original source of that energy was used in a destructive way. You reap what you sow.

The energy that Jana puts into her art not only has beneficial effects on her but on every heart and soul that is lucky enough to experience her creations.

Thank you!

Abby, I feel blessed to have been asked to speak at your wonderful Roundtable event. Your talent as a facilitator of deep and meaningful conversation is just one of your true gifts. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it.

Jana, you have inspired me through your art. Thank you for allowing me to share your talents to my readers.

Abby Raphel is a facilitator of conversations that lead to discovering purpose and taking action. She is the founder of The Redwoods Initiative, an education company focused on personal growth, business acumen and communication. She has engaged with the country’s top enterprising families, thousands of youth and is an emerging leader in the field of personal development. She promotes her creative process through Blank Canvas, The Bold Bag Mindset, Purpose Salons, Profiles of Purpose, The Unstoppable You Workshop and The Roundtable. Abby has a Master’s from NYU’s Gallatin – focusing on the intersection of education, psychology and curriculum development. She is from rural Florida and lives in NYC as an adoring dog-mom to her yellow lab, Alfredo.

The Roundtable: A dynamic group of 24 women in business who connect and provide feedback in a safe community with a goal of personal and professional development.

Jana Flynn’s art bio:

Born in San Francisco in 1980, Jana studied Painting, Drawing and Ceramics at San Francisco State University where she earned her BFA in 2003. In 2009 Jana received her MFA from Parsons The New School where she was awarded a Graduate Dean’s Scholarship. She has exhibited in galleries nationally, and her work has been presented at an number of international art fairs including Pulse NY and Aqua Miami. Jana’s work has been reviewed in the San Francisco Chronicle, Ethsix Magazine, and Dislocate Magazine. Additionally, she has participated in a number of artist residencies including a fellowship at the Jentel Artist Residency Program in Wyoming, and a year-long residency at the San Francisco based non-profit, Red Ink studios.

Jana’s graphic design website: http://www.jlfstudio.com/

 

 

 

Getting On Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ With The Art Of Sexy Holiday Flirting


The Holidays are a perfect time for sexy flirting. Whether single or partnered, you can have fun getting on Santa’s ‘naughty’ list by performing the very effective art of sexy flirting.

Men love flirty gestures. They feel admired and get the validation they need to approach you. Don’t think that flirting is just for the singles, though. It adds so much excitement and pleasure for partners, as well. It’s easy for couples to get into a rut and forget the fun and spicy side of their relationship, especially when trying to raise a family and hold down challenging careers. Flirting, smiling, being daring and trying something new releases some wonderful ‘happy hormones’ and can have some very positive and amazing results, so don’t hold back.

Flirting, however, takes guts and confidence. It means you have to be light-hearted and open to fun and new experiences. Therefore, you may get nervous because you are stepping out of your routine and comfort zone. That’s OK, just take a few deep breaths and do it anyway. Trust me, your efforts will be well worth it.

For a quick and easy boost to your confidence, especially if you are painfully shy, check out my very active and fun guided meditation called Sexy Irresistible YOU, which is currently 50% off during our holiday special. Doing so will activate the powerful and magnificent sexy YOU!

Here are some hot flirting tips to ramp up your sex appeal – Ooh La La!!

Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Singles:
  • At a gathering, smile at a guy that’s caught your eye from across the room, look away then smile at him again. He’ll keep his eyes glued onto you, for sure! Keep it up until he walks over to you.
  • Men are visual and love the adventure of surprise, so write a question on a cocktail napkin and slide it across the table or bar right to him. Make sure you’re smiling while doing this. Extra brownie points for making the gutsy move of winking, as well. What you write could be as simple as, “Nice shirt you’re wearing!”
  • This one definitely takes guts, but it’s very effective. Let your admiration show by using your eyes to take-in every inch of that hunk you’d like to meet from across the room. Start with their feet moving up very slowly and deliberately until you reach their eyes, at which point you smile, nod your head in approval, and give him a ‘thumbs up.’ Let him know that you like what you see. Then, count the seconds it takes for him to introduce himself to you.
  • Can’t go quite that bold, yet? Try this one then. Wherever you’re sitting, cross your legs and make sure the foot of your leg on top is pointed in the direction of that man you’re interested in meeting. Bob your foot up and down while looking in his direction. Let him know that you are “pointing” at him.
  • Spice things up and wear red. There are many shades of red, so pick one that’s perfect for your skin tone. Again, men are visual. Studies show that men find women who wear red as very attractive. Also, show a little skin with a scooped or ‘V’ neckline. Wear a dress and show your legs. Come on! It’s the Holidays, so wear something festive and slightly revealing! Don’t go too far, though. Stay away from the slutty look, unless you’re only interested in a one-night hookup.
Tamara’s Hot Flirty Holiday Tips For Couples:
  • During holiday parties, show up separately and pretend you don’t know each other. Then, pick each other up. Have fun using pick-up lines like, “Have we met before?” or “What’s your sign?”
  • Imagine your partner as your favorite dessert. While licking your lips, say to him something like, “Later, I’m going to devour you like my favorite Tiramisu!” Scrumptious!
  • At a family gathering or office party, get the juices flowing by telling your partner that you bought him a “surprise” or “naughty” gift that has to be opened in private…”later”. Wink, wink 😉
  • Tell your handsome hunk how delicious he looks, how sexy he is and how he turns you on. More winking!
  • Be alluring by playing with your hair or jewelry while listening intently to your guy.
  • Get an App for couples. Go ahead and Google “Apps for lovers” and see what’s out there for sexy and fun messaging with your special someone.
  • Ask questions you don’t normally ask, such as, “What’s your wildest fantasy? I’d like to help you fulfill it.”
  • Get ‘in the mood’ by giving a foot rub to your partner. This lowers the energy out of that stinkin’ thinkin’ head (the upper one). At the same time, tell him how much he turns you on or what you plan to do to him after the foot rub. Anticipation is a great way to get the energy flowing in the ‘right’ places.

This holiday, be sugar and spice and everything nice. Practice the art of sexy flirting to make sure you make Santa’s ‘Naughty List’ and have fun while doing it!!

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving from Me to You!

In America, we love to say “thank you” on our most wonderful holiday – Thanksgiving. However, I want to seize this opportunity to express my gratitude to all of my readers from all every corner of the globe. You mean the world to me. I appreciate your integrity, interests and passions in whatever you do. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving!

– Tamara and her Loving Relationship Team

Please enjoy the grateful, fun and inspiring words of blogger, Marta Edmisten.

I am thankful for all the beauty that I can now find-almost every day.

I am thankful for the smiles of strangers and the gift of witnessing the wisdom of my dog. (I seriously doubt I’ll ever be able to consistently live in the moment as he does, or be so unabashedly all about love… I’m not ruling it out though.)

I am thankful that I still walk this earth. It is a luxury.

I am thankful for all the people who have loved and supported me – family, friends and people I’ve never met, especially those who never gave up on me even when I had.

I am thankful for the people who have given me the privilege of loving and supporting them.

I am thankful for everyone who has forgiven me when I screwed up royally.

I am thankful all the people (famous and unknown) who have fought tirelessly for the rights and dignities of others, animals and our planet.

I am thankful for every, book, movie, piece of art that brings me joy – better yet, makes me think.

I’m plain old thankful!

Soon, I hope, I’ll be thankful for:

  • A basic understanding of my computer and punctuation. 🙂
  • Being able to prepare food that is more often tasty than not.
  • Not running out of milk for my coffee in the morning, OR learning to enjoy my coffee straight up. (Marta-mornings are NOT pretty without coffee!)
  • Being thankful every day.

With Love and Gratitude,

Marta

 

The energy of gratitude is the gateway to positive change. – Tamara Green, Lovingly Relationship Expert

This photo shows Marta’s tattoo on her arm. Don’t you love it?

change tattoo

Marta lives in Brooklyn, NY with her dog BullyBean.marta-edmisten

To Show My Thanks, Get 50% Off All of My Products!

To show my thanks and appreciation for you,  you can get all of my products for 50% off from now until January 2016! Enjoy!

 Click here to SHOP NOW.

How A Young Man’s Brush With Death Reminded Me Of My Dreams For Peace

As we all know, so much has happened this past week. Around the globe, terrorists were doing what they do – terrorize, destroy, hurt and kill. As I posted on Facebook, my family and I met a very nice couple (photographers) in Chappaquiddick, Massachusetts. Unfortunately, their son was in the concert hall in Paris and was shot in the chest by one of the terrorists. He was in a coma for several days, however, the surgery was successful and he is just now beginning to recognize his family members and is even smiling and laughing with them. He is a lucky young man and we all sigh a huge sigh of relief that he’s on the mend.

The Photographers

My husband and I know this couple through their photographs. Starting at 4:00 AM, 365 days per year, they run the paper route delivering newspapers to many stores around the island of Martha’s Vineyard, Mass. Needless to say, they’ve seen some absolutely gorgeous sunrises and began photographing and emailing them to their friends. Well, those friends forwarded the photos to their friends, who forwarded them to their friends, and on and on it went. This began a ripple effect of their photos going out to thousands of lucky recipients, like myself, around the world. Their ability to capture stunning nature scenes wrapped in sunrise colors is brilliant and awe inspiring.

So taken by their photos, one day last May I reached out and asked if we could meet. They happily agreed. One sunny morning in Chappaquiddick (a small island off of Martha’s Vineyard) this past August, we met and spent a lovely day on the beach getting to know one another. We had so much fun that we all agreed that we would meet again next summer – a beautiful beginning to an annual tradition.  Learning about their son being shot was such a shock, especially after hearing all about him that day on the beach.

To see their talent for yourself, visit their Facebook page and check out their 2016 calendar. I have mine and it’s spectacular: 2016 VineyardColors Calendar

My Dream

I dream of a world filled with peace, where everyone gets along and appreciates one another. We don’t just tolerate but delight in each other’s differences.

I have more than just dreamed this – I have actually seen it. A number of times while deep in meditation, I have been shown a vision of a peaceful world. Like Shangri La, all humans (and wild animals) live amongst one another, caring for each other in the most deep and loving way. This vision of paradise always fills me with joy and hope for our future.

There is a song that captures this image and I want to share it with you. It’s an Italian song titled, Nell Fantasia, sung by Diva Rose Jang. So, in honor of you, our new friends and their son, fill your hearts with the promise of peace and love and clicking in this video below. Follow along with the lyrics (in English) below and be touched by it’s encouraging words. Enjoy!

 

 

In my fantasy I see a just world

Where everyone lives in peace and honesty

I dream of a place to live that is always free

Like a cloud that floats

Full of humanity in the depths of the soul

 

In my fantasy I see a bright world

Where each night there is less darkness

I dream of souls that are always free

Like the cloud that floats

 

In my fantasy exists a warm wind

That breathes into the city, like a friend

I dream of souls that are always free

Like the cloud that floats